This episode is about being yourself, loving yourself, and allowing yourself not to push through fear. Today’s caller, Bianca wants to date but when an opportunity arises she gets scared. She developed a way to become a chameleon which gave her a false sense of confidence but after personal development work she is removing the masks she used to wear and now feels fear about others seeing her for who she really is. What we uncover is that what is driving her patterns around dating stems from her childhood.

If you identify with the pattern of being someone else or wearing masks to keep people in your life, I encourage you to listen to this episode a few times and do the inner work. Because nothing leads to unfulfillment more than not feeling like we can be ourselves. One of the things we humans desire is to be seen and understood and we can’t be seen and understood unless we take off our masks. If you are wearing masks, make this the year they come off.

When it comes to our healing, our more evolved or older parts can get in the way of healing by justifying or rationalizing things. But that’s the time we need to take ourselves back. It often takes a similar event to trigger the early event that needs to be healed.

The beliefs we formed a long time ago have years to create results in our lives. That’s why it is important for us to go back and find the origin.

In many cases, it is unhealthy to push through fear. Because fear is an alarm system to alert us to healing opportunities for our unresolved issues. There are times not to push or feel fear but then do something anyway. There are times to feel fear and go into what the fear is there to teach us. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It just stacks them up until we allow ourselves to go back and heal them.

Give yourself the space and time to heal.

Attend our Creating a Vision for 2020 Breathwork and Lifework event, for men and women, in Brisbane on January 11th, 2020, go to for more details. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something you believe you “should” be pushing through right now?
  • Do you desire a relationship but fear comes up when it comes to dating?
  • When you get close to people, are you afraid to let them see the real you? Do you wear masks?
  • Did you have to grow up early as a child? Did your parents get a divorce or was either parent incapable of taking care of you in the way you needed?


Bianca’s Question:

Bianca wants to get back into the dating world but needs guidance on how to overcome the fear she feels towards it.


Bianca’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She bolts when she has an opportunity to date.
  • She feels fear around dating and being her authentic self.
  • She has hopped from one relationship to the next.
  • She has a devastating heartbreak in her past.
  • She has a belief that she isn’t worth fighting for.
  • After her parents’ divorce, she didn’t understand why her father left.
  • She is following the same patterns over and over.
  • She is afraid of abandonment.
  • She took over a parent role.
  • She never had the opportunity to experience what her parents’ divorce meant for her.
  • She desires a relationship.
  • She realizes she needs to leave judgment behind.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to start to parent her seven-year-old self.
  • She needs to stop judging herself for her fear.
  • She needs to find an advocate in the form of a therapist or counselor.
  • She needs to grieve her relationship with her father.
  • She needs to establish a connection with her seven-year-old self by writing letters.



  • Imagine the younger parts of yourself that were hurt or went through hard times. Speak to them and listen when they speak back. You can also establish a connection through writing.
  • Stop pushing yourself forward when fear is asking you to go backward and heal something from your past.
  • If a relationship from your past has gotten better there still may be some healing to do.
  • Work with a guide. Find a coach, a counselor or come to my Personal Mastery program or my Spring Retreat.



Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community.

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Many times, it takes having a similar event happen to trigger pain for us to go back and deal with the initial wounding. Click To Tweet At least 95% of behavior is unconsciously driven. Click To Tweet Healthy parenting is not about explaining, it’s about acknowledging and understanding how the little one is feeling. Click To Tweet