This episode is about overcoming people-pleasing patterns and getting into alignment with who you truly are. Today’s caller, Emily, recognizes she has people-pleasing patterns but finds herself withdrawing from others. She is exhausted by the effort it takes to socialize and doing what other people expect of her. If you are a people pleaser and an introvert, this is an important call for you to listen to.

People-pleasing is a pattern that begins when we form a belief at a young age that we get more validation and love and avoid criticism or punishment if we are good and doing what others want us to do. It begins as a pattern at a very early age but it’s just a pattern. It is not who we are. It’s not an aspect of our personality or soul expression. The pattern of people-pleasing interacts with different personalities in different ways.

People who have more extroverted personalities work with the people-pleasing patterns by consistently showing up, acting how other people want them to act, and often over-involving themselves with others. On the other hand, introverts or people with introspective personalities tend to get overwhelmed with the energy the people-pleasing pattern takes. So, they end up withdrawing as a way not to disappoint people to protect themselves. If they disappear for a little bit then there is less chance for them to use their energy to people-please.

When we repress anger it can lead to irritability, lack of a desire to do anything, exhaustion, depression, and a sense of ‘why bother’ when it comes to engaging with others.

Attend our Creating a Vision for 2020 Breathwork and Lifework event, for men and women, in Brisbane on January 11th, 2020, go to ChristineHassler.com/Australia for more details. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode for more information.

To release self-protective behaviors, heal past pain, and reclaim your confidence, peace, power, and purpose, attend my Spring Retreat in San Diego, March 6th–8th. To accelerate your growth and invest in yourself visit ChristineHassler.com/spring-retreat or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com. Listen to this Coaches Corner episode for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Did you grow up having a lot of expectations and pressure put upon you?
• Do you feel you are a people pleaser?
• Do you often make decisions based on how other people may react versus what you truly want to do?
• Are you ever irritable with others? Are you annoyed by people so much that you can’t be bothered to socialize or make small talk because it’s exhausting?

Emily’s Question:

Emily is a people pleaser who finds it tiring to socialize. She would like guidance on how to not be triggered by people.

Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is irritated by small talk with workmates.
• She is a people pleaser.
• She doesn’t want to attend her younger sister’s wedding.
• She felt a lot of pressure from her family.
• She is tired of having to live up to other people’s expectations.
• She felt she constantly had to perform and do well at school.
• She never felt enough when she was younger.
• She wants to withdraw.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• She needs to process her anger and feel her feelings.
• She should read Expectation Hangover and join my Personal Mastery program.
• She needs to give attention to her younger self.

Takeaways:

• If you are irritable, depressed, and wanting to withdraw, try to express your feelings in a healthy way.
• Work through Expectation Hangover, enroll in my Personal Mastery course, and come to the Spring Retreat.
• Evaluate some of the choices you have made lately. Are they truly authentic and in alignment with what you really want or are you doing things out of obligation, people-pleasing, or avoidance?
• Connect with the little one inside who accepted that people-pleasing was the only way to get love and help them accept that love is not about doing what others want you to do.
• Take the pressure and expectations off of yourself, especially if you felt them from your parents. Reparent yourself the way you want to be parented.
• Dive into emotional release and anger work.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community.

To watch episodes of coaching sessions, go to Youtube.com/christinehassler

Christine’s Personal Mastery Course

Christine’s Signature Retreat

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Christine’s Books, including Expectation Hangover

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — To provide feedback

christinehassler.com/waitlist — Get on the waitlist for this show

Tweetables:

It’s healthy to be concerned about how we treat other people and what they think about us. Click To Tweet Honor where you are and give yourself what you need for where you are rather than expecting yourself to be somewhere else. Click To Tweet Dive into 2020 with intention. Click To Tweet