This episode is about overcoming people-pleasing patterns and getting into alignment with who you truly are. Today’s caller, Emily, recognizes she has people-pleasing patterns but finds herself withdrawing from others. She is exhausted by the effort it takes to socialize and doing what other people expect of her. If you are a people pleaser and an introvert, this is an important call for you to listen to.
People-pleasing is a pattern that begins when we form a belief at a young age that we get more validation and love and avoid criticism or punishment if we are good and doing what others want us to do. It begins as a pattern at a very early age but it’s just a pattern. It is not who we are. It’s not an aspect of our personality or soul expression. The pattern of people-pleasing interacts with different personalities in different ways.
People who have more extroverted personalities work with the people-pleasing patterns by consistently showing up, acting how other people want them to act, and often over-involving themselves with others. On the other hand, introverts or people with introspective personalities tend to get overwhelmed with the energy the people-pleasing pattern takes. So, they end up withdrawing as a way not to disappoint people to protect themselves. If they disappear for a little bit then there is less chance for them to use their energy to people-please.
When we repress anger it can lead to irritability, lack of a desire to do anything, exhaustion, depression, and a sense of ‘why bother’ when it comes to engaging with others.
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- Did you grow up having a lot of expectations and pressure put upon you?
- Do you feel you are a people pleaser?
- Do you often make decisions based on how other people may react versus what you truly want to do?
- Are you ever irritable with others? Are you annoyed by people so much that you can’t be bothered to socialize or make small talk because it’s exhausting?
Emily is a people pleaser who finds it tiring to socialize. She would like guidance on how to not be triggered by people.
Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She is irritated by small talk with workmates.
- She is a people pleaser.
- She doesn’t want to attend her younger sister’s wedding.
- She felt a lot of pressure from her family.
- She is tired of having to live up to other people’s expectations.
- She felt she constantly had to perform and do well at school.
- She never felt enough when she was younger.
- She wants to withdraw.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She needs to process her anger and feel her feelings.
- She should read Expectation Hangover and join my Personal Mastery program.
- She needs to give attention to her younger self.
- If you are irritable, depressed, and wanting to withdraw, try to express your feelings in a healthy way.
- Work through Expectation Hangover, enroll in my Personal Mastery course, and come to the Spring Retreat.
- Evaluate some of the choices you have made lately. Are they truly authentic and in alignment with what you really want or are you doing things out of obligation, people-pleasing, or avoidance?
- Connect with the little one inside who accepted that people-pleasing was the only way to get love and help them accept that love is not about doing what others want you to do.
- Take the pressure and expectations off of yourself, especially if you felt them from your parents. Reparent yourself the way you want to be parented.
- Dive into emotional release and anger work.
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