This episode is about self-soothing strategies for empaths. Today’s caller, Alexis, wants guidance about how to find self-worth after getting out of an abusive relationship. But, we go deeper and discover that self-worth is just part of the issue. She realizes that moving toward self-soothing will be more beneficial to her at this time.

We can’t amp up our self-worth if we keep judging and shaming ourselves. If you are trying to increase your self-worth, I want you to consistently think of things you are proud of. Not just accomplishments but choices and characteristics and all courageous actions you have taken. Increase your feelings of pride and it will increase your self-worth.

Narcissists are very attractive to empaths because empaths have huge hearts and can see what’s behind narcissism. While narcissists are self-absorbed, empaths are often selfless and are more concerned with other people’s happiness.

If you are an empath who is with a narcissist, my encouragement to you is to get out of the relationship. No matter how much you love them they are unable to feel empathy and they can’t give you the love and attention you deserve. It’s a tough relationship to be in.

And, trying to get out of triggers or uncomfortable feelings by thinking positive is a dead-end for a lot of people, especially empaths. One of your gifts is that you feel deeply so trying to escape your feelings through positive psychology or a pep talk may lead you astray because you are negating the very essence of who you are. If you are a feeling person, you have to honor your feelings.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you getting over a breakup?
  • Do you ever fear you may be codependent or have codependent patterns?
  • As a child, did you ever feel like you were walking on eggshells?
  • How are you at self-soothing? When you get triggered, do you try to distract yourself to avoid dealing with the feelings?


Alexis’s Question:

Alexis recently got out of an abusive relationship and would like guidance on how to boost her self-worth.


Alexis’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She was in an abusive relationship for two years.
  • She is working on being proud of herself.
  • She would shut down when she tried to stand up for herself.
  • Her ex would make her feel crazy.
  • She is an empath.
  • She feels blocked when trying to get to the core of her trauma.
  • She is stuck in the awareness phase of personal development.
  • There was a lot of tension in her childhood home.
  • She felt abandoned and alone in the past.
  • She doesn’t follow through in many things in her life.
  • She struggles with letting her feelings out.
  • She is part of my Personal Mastery community.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should listen to the Coaches Corner with Dr. Judith Orloff.
  • She needs to realize she is not alone because many empaths are attracted to narcissists.
  • She needs to learn self-soothing techniques and strategies.
  • She should journal in the form of release writing.



  • Be proud of yourself.
  • Listen to the Coaches Corner with Dr. Judith Orloff.
  • Make a date to meet with your feelings when they come up if you are unable to process them in the moment.
  • Use my release writing technique from Expectation Hangover when journaling.
  • Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and say “I am loved and I am safe.”



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A big part of gaining self-worth is feeling proud of ourselves. Click To Tweet People who have trauma as children, often become empaths because their sensory systems have been overloaded and overstimulated. Click To Tweet When it comes to therapy or any type of personal development, you can’t just dip your toe in the water then pull out completely and think you are making progress. Click To Tweet