This is a call about issue-based relationships. Today’s caller, Megan, is curious about whether she should go back to a relationship that is on a break. She wants to know if an issue-based relationship can turn into a healthy relationship. I explain what an issue-based relationship is and give her some guidance about how to listen to her inner knowing.
The five relationships are issue-based, journey mate, compatibility, fantasy, and side-by-side partnership. Not every relationship is made to last forever or should last forever. Different relationships come for different reasons and teach us different things. When we understand what type of relationship we have then it is a little bit easier to deal with.
An issue-based relationship is when our childhood wounds attract us to each other. We tend to date our unresolved issues from our childhood. Normally one person dumps feelings all over the other and the other person either dumps feelings back or tries to clean up the mess. They keep triggering each other and playing out patterns. When couples go to couple’s counseling it doesn’t really work because they keep trying to work on the relationship but they should be working on their own issues. It’s like two people who speak totally different languages and you are trying to teach them how to speak a third language.
For people in issue-based relationships, I recommend taking a break and separating, working on themselves, and then re-evaluating the relationship. By then they may decide the relationship is not what they want or they get back together.
March 18, 2020, Stefanos and I are co-hosting a group call about relationships. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. If you missed my live group coaching call about how to care for your energetic and spiritual hygiene and cope during times of stress download it for free at Christinehassler.com/group-coaching-replays/
- Is there someone from your past that you are considering bringing back into your life?
- Are you in an issue-based relationship?
- Have you been in a relationship that has felt like great chemistry but it was actually codependence?
- Are you willing to be on your own, or not in a relationship, for as long as it takes to see clearly what you need from a relationship?
Megan would like to know if an issue-based relationship can turn into a healthy relationship.
Megan’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She attended my Spring Retreat.
- She is in an issue-based relationship.
- She entered into the relationship from an unhealthy space.
- She has an opportunity to reconnect with her boyfriend who she has strong feelings for.
- She has a pattern of giving men multiple chances.
- Her father wasn’t emotionally available.
- She feels an extremely strong connection to her boyfriend.
- She has a pattern of asking external sources for answers to her internal questions.
- She wants to get more into her healthy masculine.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She may want to let her boyfriend complete his coaching before reconnecting.
- She needs to trust herself and her inner knowing.
- She should reaffirm advice from others by writing it down and considering how it feels to her.
- She should pray for the highest good of all parties.
Assignments and Takeaways:
- Relationships are always learning opportunities. Look at your triggering relationships and consider what they are reflecting back to you.
- If you are in an issue-based relationship and are not getting anywhere, take a break and work separately for a year and then see where you stand.
- Evaluate the kind of partner you are being to yourself and work on your self-care and self-love.
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