This is a call about overcoming codependent and anxious patterns. Today’s caller, Carson, is looking outside of himself for his worth. He would like to know how he can begin to heal and learn to trust himself. This call is a classic case of looking for what we didn’t get as a child in other people, as an adult.

Anything that made you feel unsafe, small, or unimportant as a child or adolescent can create codependent behaviors. The need to attach to someone else develops as a way to counteract the feelings of being small or unimportant. You try to grab on to someone to feel needed or to feel important in their eyes. Codependence can work in two ways. You could be the person that another person needs such as becoming a caretaker or rescuer. Or, you can be super needy.

The behavior of grasping onto others and being needy is not sustainable. 

No one outside of us can make these wounds go away. We have to fill the voids ourselves. You have to learn to trust yourself so you can stop grabbing or clinging onto other people or allowing others to cling onto you to feel worthy. If you have any codependent patterns running, you must learn to get your needs met inside yourself.

If you resonate with having similar feelings know that you can heal. Nothing is insurmountable.

Stefanos and I will be hosting our second ‘Be the Queen’ virtual teaching and coaching on May 5th. The program for women seeking to call in an amazing, conscious relationship includes nine calls, a Facebook group, Facebook Lives, and a bonus live event in September.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Did you have your needs met as a child? If not, has that made you needy as an adult?
  • Have you ever thought that you have codependent behaviors?
  • Do people consistently disappoint, misunderstand, or abandon you?
  • Have you ever felt truly seen or understood by someone?


Carson’s Question:

Carson would like guidance on how to release his fear of abandonment and begin to trust again.


Carson’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He has been struggling with his fear of abandonment.
  • He is in a long-distance relationship.
  • He doesn’t feel supported or accepted by his family.
  • He is codependent and has an anxious attachment style.
  • He has felt misunderstood his entire life.
  • He doesn’t trust himself.
  • He has a creative outlet.
  • He is outsourcing his relief and happiness.
  • He replays past situations in his head.
  • He is seeking the things he didn’t get as a child.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • He should do the release writing practice.
  • He should do the temper tantrum technique.
  • He should become an observer of his needs.
  • He needs to say ‘I am safe and I am loved’ when he feels anxious.



  • To break free of an anxious pattern, identify it, name it, acknowledge it, and accept it.
  • Don’t slap labels on yourself. You may have a part of you that is codependent but that is not who you are.
  • Join my Personal Mastery course and get $200 off; use the promo code ‘HEALTH’ at checkout and take advantage of the 12-month payment plan.



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This is a time to deeply heal the things that are no longer sustainable. Click To Tweet The longer you distract yourself, the longer it takes to heal your core wounds. Click To Tweet If you have any codependent patterns running, you must learn to get your needs met inside yourself. Click To Tweet