This call is about maintaining boundaries when dealing with anger or rage. Today’s caller, Dana, is in a difficult situation. Her husband rages out at her and her children, but she loves him and wants the relationship to work. We work through ways she can maintain her boundaries and ways she can show up in the relationship to create a cohesive healing environment.
First, if you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.
Anyone who has been abused and then becomes abusive has a great deal of shame. One thing we know to be true is that love is incredibly healing. And, often when someone is in an environment where they do not feel judged, their protective behaviors begin to fade. Creating a loving, non-judgmental, feminine space for the person may help them heal.
Remember, feminine energy is not weak or submissive. We don’t just tolerate whatever happens to keep the peace and love everything. Feminine energy is fiercely loving and compassionate. It’s the combination of compassion and nurturing that holds space and is non-judgmental but also the protective mama bear.
If you missed the Inner Child workshop, you can still listen to it. It is necessary if you want to join in for Level 2, which begins Sept. 25th. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild.
This is a trying time emotionally, mentally, and financially, so in October, I am giving away $5,000 in personal development grant money. Ten people will receive $500 to invest in themselves. We are also enrolling angels who would like to make a financial contribution to someone else’s personal development, go to ChristineHassler.com/grant to get more information. I will announce the grant recipients on an Instagram Live.
- Are you living with, or have you ever lived with someone who had rages, or explosive bouts of anger?
- How are you at expressing your anger? Are you honest about it to do it in a healthy way, or do you internalize it, then it leaks out through judgment to criticism or irritability either at yourself or others?
- Do you feel you have worked on yourself but can’t believe you are still dealing with an issue you’ve been working on in therapy for years?
- Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when it comes to expressing your needs? How do you do it?
Dana would like guidance on how to hold boundaries when it comes to dealing with her husband’s anger.
Dana’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- Her husband rages out.
- She has tried different ways to keep peace in the house.
- She feels overburdened with responsibility.
- She has empathy for her husband.
- Her husband had a traumatic childhood.
- She has done a lot of therapy around her relationship with her mother.
- She loves her husband and wants to make their relationship work.
- She has difficulty holding her boundaries.
- She has a high tolerance for being treated poorly.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Create a feminine, loving, non-judgmental, shame-free space for her husband.
- Make an agreement with her closest friend to assist her in leaving if things get worse.
- Consult with a professional together with her husband.
- Maintain firm boundaries when it comes to rage.
- If you are in a situation where there is a cycle of abuse, get clear about whether you need to leave or if you need to reach out for support for assistance.
- If you are in any type of relationship and you know you want to stay in it, look at your end of it. How can you show up to create a more cohesive, healing environment for the other person?
- Be aware of your self-abuser, especially if you have had abuse in your life, a lot of times we internalize it. Consider listening to the Inner Child workshop.
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings and allow yourself to communicate with vulnerability.
Rothy’s — Get your new favorite stylish, comfortable, versatile shoes made from eco-friendly material, including repurposed plastic water bottles and marine plastics from Rothy’s. They are the softest shoes you will ever put on your feet. Check out the newest colors and latest styles from Rothy’s by using this link Rothys.com/over.
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.
Tweetables:Anyone who has been abused and then becomes abusive has a great deal of shame. Click To Tweet Sometimes things have to get bad before they get better and we may have to hit rock bottom to transform. This work can be hard but ultimately serves us. Click To Tweet Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable when it comes to expressing your needs? Click To Tweet