This call is about treating ourselves with compassion, encouragement, and unconditional love when we have a mother wound. Today’s caller, Megan, believes people avoid her because she has too many problems. What we uncover during our session is that she has created a false independence because it is how she copes with having a neglectful mother.
When we don’t have anyone holding us, we hold things inside.
The difference between being a victim with friends and being vulnerable is being a victim is always complaining about the same thing, never empowering yourself, and never doing anything differently. Being vulnerable is sharing what’s in your heart, and taking responsibility. It’s when you are not looking for a solution, not always complaining about the same thing but just having an open heart and being intentional about how you choose to shift it, even if it’s just being more compassionate with yourself. Victims don’t make too many friends unless they just hang out with other victims and they can all throw pity parties together. This doesn’t mean to not be vulnerable. You can be vulnerable without going into victim consciousness.
- Do you feel like you are too much for people? Do you feel you lose friendships or people avoid you because your life is hard and you think that you are just too much?
- What events in your childhood are keeping you stuck?
- Do you have an attitude that nothing works out and things are hard?
- Did you have a mother who was not there for you or who neglected you, or who you were not enough for?
Megan feels she is too intense or too much for other people and would like guidance on how to break free of the pattern.
Megan’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- People pull away or avoid her.
- She had three near-death experiences as a child.
- Her parents divorced.
- She feels isolated.
- She struggles with low self-worth.
- Her mother was neglectful in many forms.
- She is mothering herself the way she was mothered.
- She attracts emotionally unavailable people.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Nourish her relationship with herself.
- Separate from her struggles to connect more deeply with herself.
- Communicate with an advisor or good friend.
- Do the hand exercise and give it a voice.
- Consider what you think of when you think of a “mother” and write out a list of the qualities that make an amazing, loving mother and integrate those qualities into your life.
- Work on being vulnerable and intimate with your friends.
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Tweetables:When we are neglected, we create a coping strategy of being independent and strong. Click To Tweet When we do the inner work, there’s often a beautiful outward manifestation of how things shift. Click To Tweet You don’t need to throw yourself a pity party to get love and attention or to justify needing support. Click To Tweet