289: Moving Out of Overwhelm and Resistance with Nikhi

This episode is about how to shift personality patterns. Today’s caller, Nikhi, is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and how to ask for what she wants. She has completed two Inner Child Workshops and is ready to work through the resistance she feels as she begins to shift her patterns.

Doing personal growth work, especially inner child work, doesn’t mean that boom, all of a sudden you’re healed. It takes time. The patterns we develop, the coping strategies, the results from our wounding have been there for many years. It takes time for something to move from awareness to integration.

The enduring pattern develops around age three because our need at that age is expression, to be able to express our feelings, to be able to express who we are, and to feel like it’s safe to be ourselves. If we lived in a family where emotional expression wasn’t encouraged, or we were to be seen, not heard, or we were told what to do, we had to figure out what to do just to not piss anybody off, we end up often with something called the enduring pattern. The enduring pattern is when we think we will just hold it all together or hold it all inside because it’s not safe to express or speak our truth.

There are two parts to speaking up for yourself. Part one is speaking your needs and part two, continuing to speak up when you are met with criticism, gas-lighting, or feeling squashed.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you get overwhelmed easily but yet have trouble asking for help?
  • Does your reaction to something, like your level of a reaction, sometimes not match the reality of the situation?
  • Are you hard on yourself? Do you have a fierce inner critic?
  • Do you internalize your feelings?
  • Is it difficult for you to ask for support?


Nikhi’s Question:

Nikhi is looking for guidance on how to speak up for herself and ask for what she needs from an empowered place.


Nikhi’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels disempowered.
  • She doesn’t ask for what she needs and then feels shame about it.
  • She feels triggered and angry when her husband reminds her of things.
  • She is an empath.
  • She didn’t feel seen or heard as a child.
  • She internalizes things that happen to her.
  • She has completed two Inner Child Workshops.
  • She has an anxious attachment style and an enduring personality pattern.
  • She gets overwhelmed easily.
  • She was not allowed to express anger as a child.
  • She struggles with structure.
  • Her subtle inner critic comes out as a sinking feeling.
  • She wants to find an accountability partner.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Speak up and share her emotions.
  • Practice feeling and expressing her feelings.
  • Do 10-minutes of Release Writing or record thoughts on her phone daily.
  • Write a letter to her inner parent to re-read when she feels resistance.



  • Discipline yourself with love and gentleness.
  • Don’t put too much on your plate.



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When you are used to internalizing your feelings it can be very uncomfortable to do anger work. Click To Tweet The healthy inner parent is our protector, teacher, coach, and it gives us structure. Click To Tweet Your come-from, when it comes to discipline, needs to be loving, gentle, and enthusiastic. Click To Tweet

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