EP 305: You Can’t Truly Help Others Unless You Help Yourself with Carrisa

This episode is about acquiring a healthy relationship between giving and receiving. Today’s caller, Carrisa, gives to everyone except herself. We talk through ways she can fill her cup before helping others, how to shed the imposter syndrome, and the importance of committing to her inner child.

We cannot give and give and then expect to feel great. It is beautiful to help people but from a full cup. Otherwise, we deplete ourselves and try to make ourselves feel better through others. It does not work. Anyone who gives and gives and gives to others but does not give to themselves will not feel worthy. People-pleasers, over-givers, and martyrs never feel worthy because they give so much.

You have to be able to receive from yourself and others to feel worthy. You can help and give but you need to be supported as well.

When you have healthy boundaries, a lot of support, and are checking in with your inner child you can help and serve others from a full cup. You won’t feel like an imposter because you will be practicing what you preach.

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Consider/Ask Yourself

  • Do you have resistance or laziness that comes out when it comes to doing things that are just for you or doing things that are outside the realm of your normal day-to-day activities?
  • Did you grow up in a house where you didn’t feel seen?
  • Do you often dread doing something because you’re afraid you’re going to disappoint other people?
  • When it comes to serving others, are you doing it because it makes you feel good or because that’s the way you love yourself?

Carrisa’s Question:

Carrisa is uncertain of whether her feelings are intuition or conditioning and why she feels resistance.

Carrisa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She worries about affecting the people around her.
  • She is a people-pleaser with hints of a savior complex.
  • Her childhood home was chaotic and she felt invisible as the 6th child of 7 children.
  • She judges herself for being lazy and being resistant.
  • She tends to go with the flow.
  • She understands herself but puts herself last.
  • She feels complacent in her marriage.
  • She hasn’t taken a lot of time for herself.
  • She wants to integrate her passion into her massage therapy work.
  • She feels like an imposter when it comes to coaching.
  • She is imbalanced when it comes to giving and receiving.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Be her own client and keep an observation journal about her boundaries and her decisions.
  • Listen to her alarm systems and check in with little Carrisa.
  • Color with little Carissa 15-minutes a day.
  • Have conscious conversations with her husband about co-parenting.
  • Stop trying to heal herself by helping others.


  • Become your own client. Instead of judging and analyzing yourself, observe yourself neutrally.
  • Connect with your inner child and make them a commitment in your life.
  • Stop people-pleasing and make yourself a priority.


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Moms who are people-pleasers can lose themselves when their parenting style is kid-centered. Click To Tweet When we are constantly thinking of the needs of others, we have no bandwidth available for ourselves. Click To Tweet Be neutral when observing yourself. Click To Tweet

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