EP 344: Reclaiming Yourself and Your Life After Betrayal with MJ

This episode is about releasing the judgment of our past decisions. Today’s caller, MJ, was betrayed by her ex-husband and when she divorced, became a single mother of two. As she focused on raising her children, she neglected her sensual side and has not been on a date. She would like guidance on how to reclaim her life and get more out of her interpersonal relationships. We talk a lot about betrayal and holding on to judgment of our past selves.

Hindsight is 20/20. Many people can relate to making a choice in the past they probably wouldn’t make today that they are still beating themselves up for. When we do that to ourselves we are in the past and we completely block all the amazing things that can come into our present and future.

Sometimes we don’t forgive ourselves because we think that holding on to the judgment of ourselves will keep us from making the same mistake.

In order to have a life and a future, we must forgive our past. Not just the people in the past but the former versions of ourselves in the past. As long as we are beating ourselves up for our past decisions we are fractured. We are at odds with a part of ourselves.

Good luck having a rich, full, amazing life, being connected to our sensuality, having friendships, or having the relationship of our dreams if we are at war with a part of ourselves. We have to be at peace with all parts of ourselves.

Have compassion for yourself and know that you did the best you could in your past. We don’t have to stay at war with ourselves. We can invite all parts of ourselves into our hearts and deeply, truly, and fully forgive ourselves.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Was there a choice you made in your past you are still beating yourself up for?
  • Have you been betrayed by someone or multiple people and you judge yourself for it?
  • Do you have a difficult time connecting to your sensuality or sexuality?
  • Have you been focused on raising your kids or your career, or both, and you want to get back out in the dating world but are not sure where to start?

MJ’s Question:

MJ would like guidance on how to break down the emotional wall she put up after a divorce and flourish in her interpersonal relationships.

MJ’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She divorced and became a single mother 10 years ago when her ex betrayed her by having a secret life.
  • She has neglected her sensuality.
  • She hasn’t been on a date in seven years.
  • She has put up an emotional wall when it comes to friendships and romantic relationships.
  • She felt ashamed of who she chose to marry.
  • She holds a belief that you cannot completely rely on men.
  • She was naive when she was younger.
  • She hasn’t forgiven herself for marrying her first husband.
  • She believed she needed to be punished.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Forgive herself and reclaim the lost part of herself by releasing the shame and judgment.
  • Integrate her younger self back into her life.


  • Think about past parts of you that you hold judgment toward and forgive yourself to make yourself whole.


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Sometimes we don’t forgive ourselves because we think that holding on to the judgment of ourselves will keep us from making the same mistake. Click To Tweet Our mistakes do not define us. Click To Tweet When we are filled with love and forgiveness, we don’t need our protective patterns to run the show. Click To Tweet

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