EP 345: How to Get the Men in Your Life to Be Less Rigid with Danielle

This episode is about communicating with someone who has more of a controlling and rigid personality structure. Today’s caller, Danielle, would like to reduce the friction between her and her husband when it comes to their parenting priorities. I coach Danielle on how to work with her husband to be a little less rigid and less controlling when it comes to her sons and when it comes to herself. And, how to get her sons to express themselves emotionally.

When we are butting heads with someone, trying to get them to see our side of something will never work. Having curiosity and compassion for the other person’s model of the world and the way they see things is the way forward.

A lot of men, boys, and those who identify as masculine have been conditioned to suppress, to be less emotional, and that their value is the security and legacy they can provide or the money they can provide. Oftentimes emotional connection, the ability to be in their heart, the ability to trust, or to have more of a connection with their feminine side is difficult because there has been so much attention on the other.

Remember, when someone says that something made them stronger it generally doesn’t mean they now have the courage to be vulnerable and to seek help, to think deep into their wounds, to dig into their generational patterns to transform their experience.

When children are not raised with the ability to have autonomy, sovereignty, and speak up for themselves, it can go one of two ways. Either they become overly compliant and get pushed around or they become overly aggressive because they are trying to get their power back.

A lot of us can relate to us having differences in the way we see the world and what we think is right. Anytime we can heal a division in our home or within our families, it has a ripple effect elsewhere. So, at a time when it seems there is a lot of division, finger-pointing, and judgment in the world, shifting this in the home helps to collectively shift it.

Are you in a relationship right now and you would like the relationship to be better? Or, your relationship is at a point where it is falling apart and you want to save it? Would you like to know what makes a relationship work? You can at any time by going to christinehassler.com/relationshipcourse. Listeners of this podcast get $50 off with promo code ‘OVERIT’. Learn how to bring the zest back into your relationship.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you find there is someone in your life who is controlling and you wish they would be more intuitive and more emotionally available?
  • Do you find it is hard to set boundaries with someone who is structured and set in their ways?
  • Is it hard for you to have compassion for your partner or children because you are frustrated by what they are doing?
  • Are you willing to see the little child inside of the adults you love and have compassion for the way they act the way they do?

Danielle’s Question:

Danielle would like to know how she can enforce boundaries with her children while respecting her husband’s role in the family.

Danielle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She set boundaries to keep burnout at bay.
  • She and her husband lead a busy lifestyle.
  • She and her husband are both active military.
  • Her husband is high-energy and she is more passive.
  • She values her parenting skills.
  • She wants her boys to grow up with sovereignty.
  • Her boys are diagnosed with ADHD/ADD.
  • Her husband may have wounds around his relationship with his father.
  • She is triggered by her husband’s actions.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Carve some time out with her husband to ask him what he wished would have been different between him and his father.
  • Realize her husband has a father wound and she may be dealing with a tender little boy inside.
  • Acknowledge her husband when he does emotional work.
  • Approach her husband in a way that doesn’t make him feel judged.
  • Lean into her vulnerability and speak her needs in an empowered way.
  • Create a fun way to empower her boys to express themselves.


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Men hear us better when we are vulnerable and not defensive. Click To Tweet Most of our judgment comes from projecting the way we would do something onto someone else. Click To Tweet Having curiosity and compassion for another person’s model of the world and the way they see things, is the way forward. Click To Tweet

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