Coaches Corner: Reair EP 157: Trust Yourself, Stop Caring What Others Think and Feel Your Feelings with Steve

The heart of this coaching session is about self-compassion. Steve has been in his masculine and repressing his pain for much of his life. Another level of his pain is surfacing and that’s because his unconscious knows he is ready to deal with it. If you are at a point in your life where you feel like you have done a lot of personal growth work but pain is resurfacing in your life you do not want to miss this episode.

It takes a lot of energy to repress pain. And, that’s why it feels hard to move forward in our lives, it feels hard to get a career off the ground, or to connect in relationships because we are unconsciously suppressing a lot of pain.

Pain wants to come up and out. Our bodies don’t want to hold terrible memories or trauma inside. Our unconscious mind wants to let it go. So, it continues to make us feel uncomfortable until we deal with it. Not just mentally, but emotionally as well.

It may be difficult to go back and to feel the pain of your childhood but you are feeling it anyway, 24/7 — it is just repressed. It is healthier to go into it and feel it fully with self-compassion so it can come up and out.

When pain doesn’t have a way to express with compassion, it sits inside you dormant and continues to drive your choices and behaviors.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel like you have hit a point where things were going well but old stuff started to come up?
  • If you are a man, do you have difficulty feeling vulnerable? Do you judge it as weakness?
  • Is vulnerability awkward for you? Maybe, it’s OK for others to be vulnerable but it’s hard for you?
  • Do you trust yourself? Do you trust your decisions? Do you feel safe with your pain?
  • Do you find yourself jumping to forgiveness too quickly? Are you able to mentally understand and justify things that have happened in your life but you notice the pain is still there?

Steve’s Question:

Steve is struggling with worrying about what other people think of him for what he believes to be the first time in his life.

Steve’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He’s always had to prove himself.
  • He has tried to be different his entire life.
  • He joined a gang as a teenager.
  • He hasn’t forgiven himself for betraying himself.
  • His experience built loyalty.
  • He is able to relate to many different types of people.
  • He has a warrior spirit.
  • His girlfriend was murdered.
  • He didn’t have a relationship with his father.
  • He is in the process of up-leveling.
  • He wants to eliminate his pain completely.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • He needs to quit judging himself and create a space to be vulnerable.
  • He needs to trust himself more.
  • He needs to spend time feeling his feelings.
  • He needs to do the emotional section of Expectation Hangover.
  • He should write down what being a loving father to himself looks like.

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