EP 352: How to Have a Healthy Relationship with a Family Member Who Isn’t Doing the Work with Dominique

This episode is about embodying the personal development work we do. Today’s caller, Dominique, would like to have a relationship with her sister. There is a lot of family history and many things have happened between them. She wants a closer relationship but her sister is not doing the work. We discuss ways she can not take things personally and how she can be the change she wants to see.

When we are learning about ourselves and digging up old wounds, going back to the source is intense. Everything can feel amplified and we tend to be more sensitive to triggers, especially around our family. Personal development is not an overnight process and we need to look at triggers as opportunities for growth.

When we constantly want people to be different, we are constantly disappointed and triggered. We waste time and energy that we could be spending doing our own work. We create the possibility of people being different when we are different. When we are the change we want to see. It is the best advertisement for anyone to want a different relationship with us.

When we say yes to being any kind of facilitator, coach, or therapist any time we work with people’s emotions and their past, all of our stuff comes forward. We have to show up in a way that is embodied to help others. You can read all the books and read all the theories but until you do the work and embody it, how are you going to help people?

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a dynamic where you want a more vulnerable, deeper connection but the other person isn’t?
  • Do you continue to be triggered in certain family situations or a relationship dynamic?
  • Does someone make you feel rejected, judged, or dismissed?
  • Are you doing the work and feel as if you had made progress but then, when with your family, you get triggered?

Dominique’s Question:

Dominique gets triggered by her sister. She would like to share a deeper connection with her but is not sure how to get there.

Dominique’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is in grad school to become a therapist.
  • She has faced her childhood trauma and the toxic dynamic within her family.
  • She has been a people-pleaser.
  • She had a psychological and spiritual awakening.
  • She is the middle child in an immigrant family.
  • Her younger sister patronizes her and disrespects her.
  • She craves attention and love from her sister.
  • She has more awareness than her sister.
  • Her inner child gets defensive and she retreats inside herself.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Accept that her sister’s soul may not be ready to do the deep work.
  • Do not take her sister’s actions personally and honor her boundaries.
  • Ask her sister for clarity about the things she says while maintaining a high vibration.
  • Set an intention to find her soul sisters.
  • Let her sister see her be loving and embodying the change she would like to see.
  • Be gentle with herself during this process.
  • Perform a ritual to ground herself before meeting with her family.
  • Remove expectations of herself and others and accept where everyone is.


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It takes two people to change a relationship. Click To Tweet Our triggers are opportunities for growth. Click To Tweet We can’t expect someone who hurt us to fix our wounds by changing themselves. Click To Tweet

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