This episode is about never feeling good enough and always looking for what could go wrong. Today’s caller, Dana, didn’t have her needs met as a child and built a protective pattern to help her cope with her abandonment wound. We work through ways to calm her nervous system and feel safe when asking for what she needs.

Whether or not you grew up in a house where you felt like your needs were not met, all of us can relate to feeling not good enough, or the feeling that things in our lives are not good enough. Or, we can be either incredibly critical of ourselves or other people. We get ourselves into a vicious cycle.

When we have unmet needs, especially if we were raised in a way where we couldn’t have an outburst, had to be the good kid, or had to keep it together, it caused us to keep stuff inside. Those of us who had to withhold a lot as children can be mean to people internally but when it comes to saying something externally, we cower.

When we have awareness about one of our protective patterns, we don’t want to expect that we are immediately going to change it. That would just set us up for an Expectation Hangover and offer us more opportunities to beat ourselves up.

The purpose of personal development is not an overnight transformation. As evolving human beings, personal transformation is more about gaining awareness. We can spot the patterns we fall into and then work with ourselves while we are in the pattern.

True transformation comes when we find ourselves in the trigger, habit, or reaction and we become aware we are in it then, we choose differently.

My next Women’s Retreat will be held in Austin on October 7‒9, 2022. I will post the website and open enrollment soon!

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Do you have the feeling of never feeling good enough?
• Do you constantly look for what is wrong in a situation, or what could go wrong, and have a hard time finding peace and joy in what is?
• Did you grow up in a house where your needs were not met and you have a hard time communicating your needs now?
• Do you have a hard time being present and slowing down? Are you always thinking of what you have to do next?

Dana’s Question:

Dana would like to understand why no matter what she does or achieves it never feels enough.

Dana’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is an achiever and is viewed as blessed.
• She finds fault with her husband in almost everything he does.
• She is always thinking about what comes next.
• She has an abandonment wound from her alcoholic father.
• Her mother was very young and always working.
• She over-achieves as a protective pattern.
• As a child, she always wanted to be accepted, heard, and understood.
• She looks for what is wrong so she can prepare for it.
• She has never had her needs met and is a bit angry because of it.
• She is afraid to trust the good things in her life.
• She is waiting for her partner to disappoint her.
• There is an intimacy-affection need that is not being met in her relationship.
• She needs a strong circle of friends around her.
• She doesn’t feel worthy of friendship and connectedness.
• She craves intimacy.
• She doesn’t know how to celebrate success.
• She holds a lot of tension and is often on edge.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Work with her protective pattern and know it is safe to trust the good in her life.
• Practice opening her heart and being less judgmental of herself.
• Focus on contentment and allow herself a moment to relax and feel relief in the moment.
• Breathe love into her heart and belly and tell herself she is safe.
• Bring conscious awareness to what she needs.

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Tweetables:

People with abandonment wounds often repel people with their come-here-go-away energy. Click To Tweet As soon as we think something is a problem, it is a problem. Click To Tweet True transformation comes when we find ourselves in the trigger, habit, or reaction and we become aware we are in it then, we choose differently. Click To Tweet