WITH CHRISTINE HASSLER
EP 360: A Midlife Marriage Crisis with Marc
This episode is about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Today’s caller, Marc, feels a shift in his 20-year marriage. He is willing to work on the relationship but his wife is avoiding it. This episode is relatable to many people because we discuss why he doesn’t take a stand for himself and how it takes two people to make a relationship work.
Many midlife crises happen because people find themselves in a place where they can’t suppress anymore. Often, their kids are older, they are set in their careers, and their life is a bit more predictable, then all of a sudden they find it difficult to suppress what they feel they have missed out on.
When an individual feels they’ve sacrificed a lot of their life in parenthood or the like, a sense of selfishness or entitlement bubbles up and they go in the opposite direction of where they have been. And, a person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end.
Sometimes our less obvious wounds are more impactful. A lot of time the person who holds the more feminine pole in a relationship often wants the masculine pole to lead, to come to us and let us know when things are off.
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- Are you in a relationship and you feel you are pulling more of the weight and are doing more of the work but your partner isn’t?
- Are you unclear about where you stand in a relationship? Are you in limbo waiting for someone to tell you if the relationship is moving forward?
- Do you avoid standing up for yourself and what you want?
- Did you have a parent you couldn’t afford to lose so you tiptoed around them and the wound is impacting your adult relationships?
Marc noticed a shift in his 20-year marriage. He feels as if he is in limbo. He is asking for guidance on what his next steps should be.
Marc’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- He has been married for 20 years and has two teenage kids.
- He feels a shift in attitude from his wife.
- He is going to therapy but his wife isn’t.
- He is putting a lot of work into what steps to take next.
- He is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage.
- His wife may be premenopausal.
- He and his wife put the kids first over each other.
- His father abandoned his family when he was young.
- He doesn’t want to continue being in limbo.
- He has questions to ask his wife but is afraid of what the answers may be.
- His wife hasn’t been there for him during some difficult times.
- He recognizes he has some blind spots but thinks he has been a good husband.
- He feels unappreciated.
- His mother wound is affecting his relationship with his wife.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Realize he is a constant reminder of the things his wife isn’t facing.
- He deserves clarity from his wife.
- Stand up for himself and the marriage.
- Work with his inner child and let him know that he will be okay, no matter what happens.
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services
Tweetables:When we are overly positive and attempt to only have good vibes we miss the deeper aspects of life. Click To Tweet A person who is more reactive and triggered shouldn’t be leading a relationship because they will lead the relationship to a dead end. Click To Tweet Sometimes it is our less obvious wounds that impact our adult relationships more. Click To Tweet