EP 361: Letting Go of Grief and Confusion with Amy

This episode is about releasing grief and confusion and allowing ourselves the time and space to heal. Today’s caller, Amy, is 25-plus years past when she decided to have an abortion and is triggered by everything going on with Roe vs. Wade. We talk about it as an example of how grief never really goes away. She would like guidance about how to move past her shame, guilt, and lingering grief. If you are someone who has chosen to have an abortion or had to, I hope you find comfort in this episode.

Sometimes we have to slow down to speed up as we may be triggering our trauma with too much personal development work. Too much good work can trigger trauma and we may be doing too much of a good thing. When we grow up in chaos, our nervous systems become overloaded and personal development work can trigger it.

Trauma is too much, too soon, too fast. When we work on ourselves too much it can trigger our trauma bell. Even though personal development is good, to our nervous system it feels like an overload and too much to process.

One of the biggest tips for healing trauma is when we are in any kind of overload, we take a pause and ask ourselves what we need at the moment. It can take practice. The better we get at it the more we start to be able to get out of the trigger. When we are conditioned at operating with a hyper-aroused nervous system, pausing and pacing ourselves is the key to healing.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Did you have an abortion at some point in your life and still carry around guilt and shame but are ready to let it go?
  • Do you judge other women who have made a similar choice? Are you willing to let go of the judgment?
  • Do you suffer from confusion and lack of clarity?
  • Could you be doing too much personal development work? Is it working against you?

Amy’s Question:

Amy would like some deep healing for her 16-year-old inner child who made a decision that she continues to guilt and shame herself for.

Amy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She completed the Inner Child Workshops 1 and 2.
  • She had an abortion at 16.
  • The recent Roe vs. Wade conversations trigger her.
  • She was brought up in the Catholic religion.
  • She wants to heal her inner child.
  • The father of the child didn’t take responsibility.
  • She feels as if she sinned and that God will punish her.
  • She has never fully grieved her loss.
  • She feels she has released the soul of the baby back to the universe.
  • She has three children.
  • She would like clarity about her journey.
  •  She is passionate about life and confidence coaching.
  • She feels unworthy of being a coach.
  • She has integrity.
  • She has beautiful things to offer people.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Make a date to do the empty chair process with herself and the soul of the baby then invite her 16-year-old self into the joys of motherhood.
  • Take a pause when she feels overwhelmed or triggered.
  • Give herself some space and not feel as if she has to process everything at once.
  • Keep doing the work but not in a way that overwhelms her.


  • Slow down to speed up. Are you triggering your trauma with too much personal development work? Do you need to slow down and give yourself some space?


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Shame and guilt serve no productive purpose. Click To Tweet Confusion is when we are in the past and the present at the same time. Click To Tweet Trauma is too much, too soon, too fast. Click To Tweet

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