EP 362: Is This Person Really the Love of Your Life, or is it an Issue-Based Relationship? With Rachel

This episode is about getting the love we deserve. Today’s caller, Rachel, is in an issue-based relationship with a partner who doesn’t make her a priority. An issue-based relationship is when unresolved issues bring two people together. These relationships tend to be stressful, on-again-off-again, and come with anxiety, but the physical attraction is often very strong. Whether or not you are in a relationship you will get some gems from this episode.

Do you want the love of your life to be someone who causes you anxiety, who doesn’t make compromises for you, or who doesn’t make you a priority? Don’t you want better? We all deserve better than that. The problem is we get the love we think we deserve, not the love we actually deserve.

Many of us find ourselves in a position where we know something isn’t good for us. We know we want, and deserve better, but we just can’t let it go. It’s a form of addiction. It’s codependency. It is having our unmet needs tickled just enough that we go back for more. But, it’s not love. It’s not a true connection or partnership.

Something that can trip us up and make us suffer way more than we need to is when we have a rose-colored glasses tint on the way we see things. Because, when we do, we are more in love with an ideal than we are with the reality of things.

When we experience a love that is not based on unresolved issues, it makes us glad we left the relationships that were based on our issues. Love that comes from a healthy place is amazing!

If someone isn’t going out of their way to make you a priority, it is a red flag.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you with someone you call the love of your life but they are more of a teacher or trigger in your life?
  • Are you aware your unresolved childhood issues and unmet needs could be influencing your relationship choices or the people you are attracted to?
  • Are you good at speaking up for your needs in relationships? Do you feel you always fight to get your needs met but it never happens?
  • Do you know you are in a relationship that isn’t good for you but you can’t seem to get out of it?

Rachel’s Question:

Rachel has an on-again-off-again relationship with someone she considers the love of her life and would like guidance on.

Rachel’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She looks outside of herself to find fulfillment.
  • She believes her partner is the love of her life.
  • Her partner doesn’t meet her needs.
  • She and her partner have great chemistry.
  • Her partner reminds her of her father.
  • She lost her family and fears losing her partner.
  • Her partner says he can’t handle her emotions.
  • She is in an intense issue-based relationship.
  • There are a lot of highs and lows in the relationship.
  • Her threshold for love is based on her relationship with her father.
  • She feels she is missing out on having a good life.
  • She feels anxious and exhausted.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Let the relationship go to break her pattern.
  • Grieve the relationship with her partner and her father wound.
  • Work with a coach and get an accountability partner and ask for what she needs.
  • Pull her inner mother forward.
  • Remind herself that this is her inner child is trying to heal her father wound.
  • Be compassionate with herself while she finds authentic self-love.
  • Go to the ocean and perform an emotional release ritual.
  • Refrain from calling her current partner the love of her life.


  • Awareness is not enough. Start making the changes necessary to transform.


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We have to be willing to walk away from what is not working. Click To Tweet Issue-based relationships amplify our unresolved issues. Click To Tweet Healing parental wounds leads to healthier relationships. Click To Tweet

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