EP 364: He Said with Tyler — Part 1 of a 3-part Couples Coaching Series

This episode is a couple’s coaching session with the male partner in the relationship. Today’s caller, Tyler, is in a relationship with an amazing woman. He says they are at a crossroads and would like guidance on whether or not to make her his life partner or if they are better served to let each other go. Christine uncovers a childhood wound that may be keeping him from experiencing true intimacy with his partner.

In a relationship, over time the attraction changes. It becomes more about intimacy and about exploring sexuality together. The initial infatuation attraction is easy. That is the low-hanging fruit attraction. Next-level relationships take intimacy, sexuality, and affection to another level. In a relationship, it is about exploring and going deeper with each other and not relying on the quick high.

The beginning of a relationship is almost always the easiest. We have hormones attracting us to each other and things are new and shiny. It is when we go deeper that intimacy blocks reveal themselves.

Remember, more often than not, things that come up in our relationships stem from things that we did not get in our childhood.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you someone who loves romance, and the infatuation period in a relationship but after it wears off you find it gets hard?
  • Do you feel that your needs are not being met or do you have a hard time communicating your needs?
  • Do you have a mother or father wound and you think it may be impacting how you are showing up in a relationship?
  • Are you questioning whether the relationship you are in is the one you should be in or whether it has an expiration date and it is time for you to move forward?

Tyler’s Question:

Tyler is in a relationship and is looking for guidance on how to make strides toward making her a life partner or if they are better served to let each other go.

Tyler’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • His partner has some core traits he wants in a partner.
  • He feels they are at a crossroads with some important decisions to make.
  • Emotionally, he may be half-in and half-out.
  • He is an overthinker.
  • He may push her away because he senses her masculinity.
  • His partner reminds him of his mother.
  • They have been together for three years.
  • He feels guilty about not showing up as the man he is capable of being.
  • He doesn’t lead the relationship the way he feels he should.
  • He is still trying to decide how to show up in the relationship.
  • He loves his partner, Rory.
  • He attracts “masculine” women.
  • He has a mother wound because he feels resentful for feeling as if he was her caregiver in his childhood.
  • A part of him may not know how to have intimacy with a woman.
  • He fears being let down by a woman.
  • He is tired of it being so hard to feel loved, desired, and cared for.
  • He is craving deep intimacy with a woman.
  • He wants to be more expressive in a relationship.
  • He feels he needs to initiate sexual relations within the relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Do emotional release work and grieve the relationship he never had with his mother, at ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease.
  • Don’t make a relationship decision right now.
  • Be open and appreciate how his partner desires him.
  • Find passion and purpose in other areas of his life besides romance.
  • Practice intimacy with his partner.


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In a new relationship, attraction changes to become about exploring sexuality together. Click To Tweet We collect evidence to prove our fears and reinforce our stories. Click To Tweet Whenever we feel a moment of relief, it reflects what feels true for us. Click To Tweet

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