EP 369: How to Deal with Those Things You Really Don’t Like About Your Partner with Daria

This episode is about upper limiting and discerning deal breakers versus growth opportunities in relationships. Everything seems to be finally working out for today’s caller, Daria, but she is having difficulty accepting it and her fiance. She asks for guidance on how to break existing patterns to make sure she doesn’t self-sabotage herself or her relationship.

It is very common that once we start to get the things we want, we start to wonder if we deserve them and if they are fleeting. We often have unexpected feelings when things start to go well.

When the hormones and infatuation of a new relationship wear off, in the realness of a relationship, there may be things about our partner that we don’t like. In most relationships, there are things about our partners we just don’t like and that we want to change. These things fall into several categories but more definitive would be to think of them as deal breakers or growth opportunities.

There are some things about our partner that we need to decide if it is truly annoying or not. Focusing on what we love about our partners and accepting them for who they are can go a long way. We can choose to focus on the great things about our partners.

When we want to request a change of behavior from our partner, they must feel safe in the relationship.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you sure about your relationship? You don’t have doubts but there are some things about your partner you wish they would change.
  • Do you tend to have high standards and wonder if you are settling?
  • Are you good at communicating what you need in a relationship? Or, maybe you are not as good at it as you think you are?
  • Are you willing to be the change you want to see in the relationship?

Daria’s Question:

Daria is feeling a sudden change of feelings toward her fiance and would like guidance to ensure she doesn’t self-sabotage.

Daria’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is upper limiting herself.
  • She discovered her ex-husband deceived her.
  • Her upbringing drastically changed when her mother got sick.
  • She loves her fiance.
  • She feels herself pulling away from her partner.
  • She wishes he could be more of a grownup with her.
  • She feels comfortable asking for things from him but feels she has to do it constantly.
  • She loves his sense of playfulness and is a good friend to people.
  • She is not sure when she is trying to change her partner or change the things he does.
  • She is trying to learn how to deal with him and her feelings.
  • Her relationship feels lopsided.
  • She wants to make the relationship work.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Read The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks.
  • Get turned on by the things she loves about her partner.
  • Realize her fiance feels her come-and-go energy and it can make him feel unsafe.
  • To break her pattern, consider when and how she can lean into how much she loves him.
  • Trust life and know that it is safe to be happy.


  • Experiment with a person who annoys you. For one week, choose to only recognize the amazing things you like about them.


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The past can make us hypervigilant about our future. Do you look for negative things in your relationship to protect yourself from what might happen? Click To Tweet People don’t change when they don’t feel safe. Click To Tweet It is very common that once we start to get the things we want, we start to wonder if we deserve them. Click To Tweet

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