EP 379: How to Change When You Are Scared of Change with Toni

This episode is about making the changes we know we need to make. Today’s caller, Toni, has done personal development work but still feels stuck in her relationship. Christine explores the possibility that Toni knows the changes she needs to make but is letting the fear of change hold her back from taking action.

Remember not to judge progress by external shifts. While external shifts are important it takes time for things to shift. Often, the season we are in is the awareness or the processing. We need to work our way up to making a change. But, eventually, we do have to make the change. Because awareness isn’t enough.

Integration and true transformation only happen when we change behavior. It doesn’t matter how much processing we do or how much information we have. The process of true transformation requires making big changes.

In life, if we could just connect the dots and things would change, life would be easy. It doesn’t work that way, for things to change we often have to take bold action.

Often, we know the changes we need to make but we don’t want to make them.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a situation you know needs to change but you just are terrified of making the change? Have you done all the work but still feel stuck?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser and a caregiver and you feel great in the role of taking care of others but no one’s taking care of you?

Toni’s Question:

Toni is feeling stuck in her relationship and is looking for guidance on how to make a change.

Toni’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She does personal development work but something isn’t shifting.
  • Her five-year relationship is issue-based.
  • Her partner may be emotionally unavailable.
  • She feels her relationship may not go the distance.
  • She had instability in her childhood.
  • She wanted safety and security from her father but didn’t receive them.
  • She cared for her father during his alcoholism until his passing.
  • She is a caretaker in all of her relationships.
  • Awareness has become her safety and security.
  • The only way she has gotten love is by taking care of others.
  • When she gets overwhelmed she shuts down.
  • She is afraid to leave her relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Acknowledge and celebrate shifts she has experienced.
  • Make some big, scary changes.
  • Leave the relationship.
  • Stop using fear to not make a change.
  • Get support through a coach, therapist, accountability partner, or friend.


  • Where are you stuck because you aren’t taking a step forward?


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If you are waiting to not be afraid of making a big change in your life you will be waiting a long time. Click To Tweet For things to change, we have to make big changes. Click To Tweet Often we know the changes we need to make but we don’t want to make them. Click To Tweet

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