EP 383: Lean Into Love Even When You Feel Like You Want to Withdraw with Linet

This episode is about a pattern of withdrawal and doing deep work when you are not resourced. Today’s caller, Linet, is a sleep-deprived new mother who finds it difficult to express her emotions with her partner. When her partner expresses his feelings she feels judged. Christine guides Linet through ways she can use her current situation to heal the pains of the past and lean into love.

Oftentimes, when we are dealing with lower hormones, we can’t rely on biology. We need psychology and we need to use our heart. It is not the time to do deep work and bring up painful experiences from our past when we are sleep-deprived, hormonally challenged, or adjusting to major life changes.

If you are currently under-resourced it is not the time to dig deep into core wounding. Doing so can reactivate the trauma because you don’t have enough resources to hold you through the process. But, it could be the time to break patterns and choose more into experiences you wish you had as a child.

When it comes to pattern breaks it takes a commitment. Whether you are finding a way for your child or your inner child we have got to find a way to break a pattern. Patterns are patterns for a reason and breaking a pattern is a choice.

If we keep doing the same thing we keep getting the same results.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you have a pattern of withdrawing or related to the avoidant attachment style?
  • Do you get angry at yourself or others but underneath you are just sad?
  • When your partner comes to you being vulnerable, do you feel as if you have done something wrong? When they make a request of you, do you judge them or judge yourself?
  • Do you want to break a pattern in your parenting? Would you like to be a different parent than the way you were parented?

Linet’s Question:

Linet would like to express her concerns without sounding critical or judgmental and learn how to eliminate roadblocks in her relationships.

Linet’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She has problems expressing her emotions.
  • She feels angry, frustrated, and distant often.
  • When her husband shares his emotions, she feels judged.
  • Her relationship is 1.5 years old.
  • She is a new mother and recently lost her libido during postpartum.
  • She is hard on herself and has expectation hangovers.
  • She isn’t sleeping well.
  • She has had to hold it all together throughout her life.
  • Intimacy frightens her.
  • Her mother didn’t make her feel safe to share her emotions.
  • She finds it easy to connect and nurture her daughter.
  • When she withdraws, she wants to be loved.
  • She is ready to break patterns.
  • This is her first relationship that has lasted more than three months.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Have compassion for herself during major changes in her life.
  • Practice leaning into love when she wants to withdraw.
  • Avoid doing deep work until she is fully resourced.
  • When she wants to withdraw, ask for a hug instead.
  • Give little Linet the hugs she needs.


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Choosing a hug over withdrawal is a pattern break. Click To Tweet Withdrawal and getting angry are survival patterns so they are the hardest to break. Click To Tweet If we keep doing the same thing we keep getting the same results. Click To Tweet

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