EP 385: Getting Over a Breakup You Didn’t Want with Nicole

This episode is about getting over an unwanted breakup and so much more. Today’s caller, Nicole, was surprised when her husband of two years asked for a divorce citing different communication styles. She would like guidance on how to get over the breakup and how to use what she is learning about herself to heal her triggers.

When we grow up with the feeling of struggle, or we feel our parents struggle, we can’t just be kids. We can’t completely relax. So, in our adult relationships, we look for relief.

Other people can help us heal and can be amazing sources of support but no one can save us from ourselves. We can rely on people to hold space for us and they can be amazing support systems. But if we are always looking to someone else to fill a void, save us, help us, or end our struggles, then we never really embody the knowing that we can fill that void, or deal with that struggle ourselves. It is super empowering to know we can do that ourselves and know we don’t need to rely on someone else for love, stability, or safety.

The answers are never outside of ourselves. They are always found within.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you going through a change that you didn’t want and you’re having a hard time with it? Did you grow up struggling or was your family struggling, particularly your parents, and you find yourself struggling in life?
  • Are you afraid you manifested “bad” things in life?
  • Do you ever become someone that you’re not in order to get love?

Nicole’s Question:

Nicole feels she manifested her divorce and would like guidance on how to get over it.

Nicole’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She was shocked when her ex-husband of two years asked for a divorce.
  • She feels she may have manifested the situation.
  • She fears she may have sabotaged her relationship.
  • Her childhood was filled with struggle and strife.
  • She suppressed her true nature in the relationship.
  • She feels that her ex is perfect and met every item on her checklist.
  • She projected children into their future.
  • She truly enjoyed the relationship.
  • She feels the need to be her fiery self in a relationship.
  • She has had to conform at other times in her life.
  • She did everything she could to save her marriage.
  • She doubts her abilities and doesn’t feel deserving.
  • She feels that struggling has value and is a normal part of life.
  • She put her ex-husband on a pedestal.
  • She will go into learning mode, not victim mode.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Manage her reactivity and how she communicates her feelings.
  • Feel joy, stability, and comfort within herself.
  • Work with a coach, or counselor, to keep her on the healing path.
  • Use her experience as a lesson to heal her triggers.


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Answers to our situations rarely come from outside ourselves. Click To Tweet If we are always looking to someone else to save us, help us, or fill a void, then we never really embody the knowing that we can do it for ourselves. Click To Tweet It is important when we are going through times of grief or loss, to be honest with ourselves. Click To Tweet

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