EP 386: Stop Dating People with Problems You Can’t Solve with Amber

This episode is about breaking bad dating patterns. Today’s caller, Amber, is aware that she has a pattern of dating men with issues, but she is unsure how to shift it. She asks for guidance about why she continually calls in the same type of person and how she can change it. No matter what your relationship status, this call will help you to closely connect to your inner child to shift current-day issues.

Very few people in their childhood experience pure unconditional love. Most people have to come up with strategies to feel loved and they often never do feel love unconditionally. As a child, if our parents aren’t okay, we are not okay.

We all speak a language of love that often is not love. As children, it was the only way we knew to survive because we all need love and we all need to feel connected to our caretaker. We may think it is love but it is the only way we know how to relate.

We can drive ourselves crazy trying to deal with present-day issues, or trying to change something in the present but unless we find the root cause it is really hard to shift things. It is akin to having a chronic health problem. We try to find a functional medicine doctor to help us get to the root cause of our issue. If we don’t, we are just throwing medication and treatments at the symptoms. We never just want to treat the symptoms. We want to treat the root cause of our issues.

If you are in a relationship you know is not working or is not healthy. Get out of it and look for the root cause. Focus on being a partner and parent to yourself. Until we re-parent ourselves, we play out the patterns of our unmet needs. Until we become a great partner to ourselves we are not going to have the conscious partnership we truly desire.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Did you have a parent that you had to parent or a parent that did not meet your needs?
  • Do you have a pattern of rescuing people in relationships or do you call in partners that have a lot of issues?
  • Do you want a conscious healthy relationship but you just don’t know how to shift the pattern that you are in?
  • Do you know how to mother or father your inner child?

Amber’s Question:

Amber has a pattern of dating partners with issues. She would like guidance on how to shift it to have a healthy, conscious relationship.

Amber’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Her mother was emotionally unavailable.
  • As a child, she felt she had to take on a parental role.
  • She has been seeing a therapist.
  • She is drawn to men she can nurture and protect.
  • She dates men for a few months and then breaks up with them.
  • She finds it hard to nurture her inner child.
  • She feels that she does not deserve love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Realize her dating patterns stem from her unmet childhood needs.
  • Create a list of red flags and when those flags emerge in a new relationship, break up with the person.
  • Mother herself so she does not feel the need to mother others.
  • Understand that her mother was hurt and didn’t have the opportunity to heal herself.
  • Connect with her inner child to help her feel love.
  • Take a year off from dating.


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In childhood, very few people experience pure unconditional love. Click To Tweet As a child, if our parents aren’t okay, we are not okay. Click To Tweet Until we become a great partner to ourselves we are not going to have the conscious partnership we truly desire. Click To Tweet

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