EP 396: Healing Unworthiness with Matt

This episode is about healing anxiety, unworthiness, and shame. Today’s caller, Matt, recently came clean about some secrets about his past with his partner. He sabotaged his relationship but would like to date again, fully able to love and commit. Any listeners who felt instability in their childhood will benefit from this conversation.

Often, the people who are most free-spirited are the adults who as children wanted stability and didn’t have it. They’ve never known stability so they have to fall in love with freedom or fall in love with not having accountability.

If you were adopted, didn’t have time with your mother, or something happened, it doesn’t mean you are doomed for life. Give yourself the dignity of your process. Give yourself the compassion, TLC, mothering, and nurturing you didn’t receive. Having compassion for yourself and an understanding of why you are the way you are is important.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. There are so many people who have had much better lives because they’ve been adopted versus if they had stayed with their biological parents. And people who choose to give their child up for adoption because they know another family could give them a better life are angels in so many ways. Adoption can create a beautiful life for someone.

And if you do meditation, or a personal practice with the intention of fixing something, remember nothing heals in judgment. Go into modalities to feel, to heal, and to allow what is there, not try to get rid of it. Because nothing heals when we think we are broken.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Did you grow up feeling a sense of not belonging? Perhaps you were adopted, you were a different race or culture and you had that feeling of where do I fit?
  • Do you deal with a sense of anxiety?
  • Do you ever feel a sense of unworthiness?
  • Have you shown up in relationships, friendships, or any aspects of your life that you haven’t been proud of or that you have shame about?
  • Have you held secrets and told lies?

Matt’s Question:

Matt wants to start dating again but would like guidance on how to heal from his deep childhood wounding.

Matt’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • He moved into a van to pursue a new life.
  • He felt isolated after three months.
  • He kept his trauma a secret.
  • He was sexually abused.
  • He was adopted by parents of a different race.
  • He used drugs and alcohol to cope with his trauma.
  • He is on a self-awareness journey.
  • He opened up to his partner and they broke up.
  • He cheated on his partner during their time together.
  • He joined a 12-step program.
  • He is struggling with rejection and failure.
  • He doesn’t truly trust himself.
  • He has always felt like an outcast in many ways.
  • He hasn’t been able to love and commit in past relationships.
  • He knows he is loved and wanted but often forgets.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Use meditation and breathwork to rebirth himself and remove judgmental thoughts.
  • Have compassion for his journey.
  • Know that he deserves to be loved and accepted.
  • Find a practitioner to help him love his inner child.


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Often, the most free-spirited people are the adults who as children wanted stability and didn’t have it. They’ve never known stability so they had to fall in love with freedom. Click To Tweet Nothing heals in judgment. Only love and acceptance facilitate healing. Click To Tweet Adoption is a beautiful thing and can create a beautiful life for someone. Click To Tweet

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