EP 439: Stop Expecting a Relationship to Change and Make a Change with Em

This is episode 438. Stop the Pattern of Either Or Thinking with Rebecca, welcome to Over It and on with it. I’m your host, Christine Hassler, and for over a decade, I’ve been a life coach, speaker and author. Each week, you’ll hear me work directly with a caller as I coach them through a goal they wanna accomplish or an obstacle they may be facing.

I’ll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice, as well as tangible actions you can apply to your own life. Now let’s get on with the episode. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show. I got a bit of a longer episode for you today, almost. I’m gonna go 30 minutes. I try to keep it at 20, but there’s just so much good stuff.

But the good thing about podcasts is you can, you can speed ’em up, but there’s a lot that we unpack in today’s session, and this is gonna be so useful for any of you that engage in either or thinking and go from kind of different extremes. Like you. You so want love, but you also don’t wanna feel trapped. You so wanna go after your purpose and passion,

but you also want security. So if you relate to any of that, definitely don’t miss this episode. Also, if any of you were parentified at a young age, weren’t okay, unless a parent was okay, kind of went into that caretaking role with parent or any kind of enmeshment, codependence. There’s a lot that will be relevant for you too,

as well. We talk about the Inner Child Journey to Joy Workshop in this episode. If you’re listening as this episode drops, it’s not too late to join us and get the replay. If you go to christine haer.com/joy, if you’re listening after the workshop, which is February 6th, seventh, and eighth, then you’ll still be redirected to how I can help you with inner child stuff,

such a technical term, inner child stuff. Anyway, as you are listening to this episode, consider, do you feel like you were parentified as a child where you were put in a role where you felt responsible for a parent, or both parents’ feelings? Were there mixed messages in your home? You were really, really loved, but if you made a mistake,

you often doubted that love. Do you believe you can have what you want? Do you fear disappointment so much, or fear being alone so much? Or fear fill in the blank so much that you end up settling for things? So keep these questions in mind as you listen to my coaching call with Rebecca. Before we dive in, I wanna thank my sponsor Organify.

I love Organify. I love their products. I love that I can feel healthy without much effort. Their green juice and their red juice are daily drinks for me. I just know I’m getting so much goodness and I love their gold blend. It’s a blend of turmeric, lemon balm, all kinds of other amazing things that help your nervous system. I have it every afternoon with a little almond milk creamer as my treat,

and I just know I’m drinking something so delicious. It’s also good for me. You can get all your identify products at a 20% discount, not just your first order. Any order when you go to organify.com/over it or use promo code over it at checkout, that’s O-R-G-A-N-I-F-Y.com/over it. Now onto my coaching call with Rebecca. Rebecca, welcome to the show.

How can I help? Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, basically I’ve kind of hit a, a crossroads really, where I’m kind of trying to make some big decisions that naturally one affects the other sort of relationships career where I’m living all of the stuff, and it sort of feels that, you know, I’m kind of trialing moving out from a kind of non-relationship relationships,

which has meant leaving a city, trialing, living with my parents, again, trying a new job, all these kind of things like, and the decision to kind of decide whether to go back or to do something else is sort of looming. And I find that I’m naturally someone that I know, I know I tend to to to go into my head,

but it feels like one of those things that I do need to actually think through in terms of logistics as well. So it’s really finding that balance of being in survival mode of the anxiety of like, gotta figure out, gotta figure out the right, and then when I kind of let go, just feeling so low and worthless. So it’s that everything’s very kind of like a boomerang between the twos,

like make a decision, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. What’s interesting, I just did a coach’s corner last week on stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, and I talked about the nervous system and how when we are dysregulated and when there’s unprocessed trauma and things like that, we bounce between hyper arousal and hypo arousal. It sounds like you’re doing that Go,

go, go, go, go. Kind of panicky, like, oh, and that I’m paralyzed. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So you are in a bit of a, for lack of better term, trauma response. Mm. So what do you think is being triggered? What are your responses and feelings here ringing? Because it’s like a, an alarm,

right? Whenever we have these dysregulated states, it’s an alarm system. Yeah. So what do you think you’re being alerted to? Yeah, there’s like a, there’s the, there’s a fear of being abandoned and also a fear of being trapped. So the two kind of coexist. So like I think about stepping out on my own or trying to think like,

you know, that’s what I could do. And then it’s like I’m letting everyone down how selfish, you’re too lazy to do it anyway. And then, but then when I choose to, for example, be here with family and things like that, then I’m like, so, so nervous of being trapped and this, this, that kind of claustrophobic feeling and it doesn’t take,

and, and then that trapped feeling then happens like with everything. So I’ve been self-employed, and then when I try being employed, I’m like, so yeah, it’s, it’s like, don’t, don’t leave me. So I’ll get like the job, or I’ll get the thing and and feel like, okay, cool. I’m safe. I’m safe. And then,

no, don’t trap me. So it’s like a come here, go away. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Do you know your attachment style by any chance? I’ve always felt like it was insecure attached, you know, and anxious attachment. But then I kind of feel like there’s a blend of different times. Like there’s avoidance and all of that happening at the same time.

Yeah, yeah. Well, right there. So there’s two kinds of attachments, secure and insecure. And within insecure there’s anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Got you. Yeah. Did you grow up in a chaotic home? So this is, so my answer would be no, because I think there’s that thing of like, everything is cool on the surface,

but I know that I’m, I know that I’m sensitive and it’s something that I think you’re just always aware of making sure mom was okay. And yeah. And just really feeling that, you know, obviously at the time, feeling like I understand from everything that I’ve followed with, with you for so long, is that making her not being okay mean that I’m not okay.

I I get that. Right. Right. And then naturally being back in the house, you know, no matter how chill she is and she’s at a different time of life, I’m just ready to, ready for her to not be okay. And also ready to make sure she is. So I just kind of tune out of my own decisions because it’s like,

as long as, as long as she’s okay. So it’s just that kind of waiting for the shoe to drop things. So it wasn’t chaotic in the sense that yeah, it wasn’t like in any way, you know, those kind of big traumas. But I know that just from other work I’ve done, it’s that thing of she doted on us and that we were like amazing and special,

but then if we lost at things, it was like a disappointment. And we’ve spoken about that since. But it’s still that thing of, I know it lives with me. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve rationalized that, and especially being here. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. So there is that inconsistency. Yeah.

So yeah, we don’t need to name the attachment style, but just insecure. I was just a little curious about that. Yeah. And it makes sense. It really makes sense because you have the enmeshment and you have the inconsistency. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So the enmeshment is gonna make you anxious ’cause there’s just gonna be that codependent and that inconsistency of like withdrawal of love is gonna make you avoidant.

Yeah. Because relationships aren’t gonna feel safe. Yes. So you’re kind of playing this out in work and everything else. Yeah, of course. Yeah. In, in all aspects. Hmm. So if you could bottom line a question for me about all of this, what would the question be? Mm. Yeah. I tried to think about this a lot.

I made a lot of notes. I think it was what to do, where to go. I think the thing I mentioned about, you know, the relationship side is that the, the, you know, he has been someone who’s been such a stable, safe, calm, relaxed person that I’ve known and lived with for like, I don’t know,

maybe like 10 years now. And it’s that thing of he’s always been saying that he loves me and he has never not been there for me and has never been unkind and never been, you know, aggressive or any of the stuff. But he does not want relationships. So it’s like, I love you and please stay around and let’s just continue like this forever,

but I don’t want a relationship. Mm. So I naturally go back to it ’cause he feels like the safest person to me because he has been safe as in who he is. And he’s very honest. But then it’s like, but it’s not, it’s also not what it says what it’s not what it feels like if, if that makes sense. It feels like a relationship.

He’s like, it’s not Sounds like, mom, you love me. You love me, you love me. Oh wait, I didn’t give an a on the test. Oh no, you’re disappointed. Yeah. And I think even more than that is that he, he is like, he isn’t act, he doesn’t actually then do anything bad or actually punish me.

But the punishment, like you say, is the, is the, is the bottom line of love. You. But, and that, that’s the thing that I was getting to it. I couldn’t really find a question because it just sort of felt that whether I decided to focus on career, this where to be, it sort of felt that like my freedom comes at a cost and my joy comes at a cost.

It’s like everything’s conditional, you know? And therefore that pulls Mela back like a boomerang to who do the thing. It’s like, don’t do that. I wanna, I wanted to close your eyes for a second and I’m gonna say something to you and I want you to just notice what happens in your body and know what beliefs come up. Okay. So just take a deep breath,

eyes closed. Yeah. Rebecca, you can get anything that you want in life and you can have anything that you want in life. It is just that just, I just immediately was just like, I can’t, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that is the underlying belief that’s at the root of, of so much of this is there’s a big part of you,

little girl, part of you that doesn’t believe she can have what she wants because she has never really fully gotten it. And so you always need an exit route. Yeah. Because you’re just preparing yourself for disappointment. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That really resonates. So the freedom piece is really about protection. It’s like, well, if I just have an out,

if I just am free, then like I’m not touched anything and I can’t be disappointed. ’cause the more that we are in relationship, career, whatever the riskier it is in terms of being disappointed and thinking we could have what we want, but once again, not getting it. Yeah. So What I would encourage you to really lean into and feel into is truly knowing that you can have love,

You Can have joy, you can have safety. Hmm. All of those things like that. Those not only are your birthright, but are really possible for you. Yeah. Yeah. I, I think what what comes up with that is excitement and then a dread that, like that I feel like a bad person because part of me feels like I don’t want to share that with,

with even with my family. And that feels awful. Tell me more about that. Because Yeah. So you Don’t wanna share what Share my joy. It’s like, it’s like you don’t, it’s like, my thought is you don’t get to have me happy. Okay. So let’s finish that thought. Let’s finish that thought. You don’t get to have me happy.

Because There was two things I thought. One was like, you don’t deserve it. And, and then the second thought was kind of, because you’re part of the reason I believed I couldn’t have it in the first place. Mm. So basically you don’t deserve it and it’s your fault. Yeah. Yeah. Which is totally okay to say. Right,

right. We’re just, we’re just allowing you to express right now. Hmm. It’s really is important. Which is so important because when we are rectified and making sure that our parent is okay, our own relationship to our own feelings gets a little tricky. Yeah. ’cause it’s really not safe for us to have our own feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our feelings are always dependent on someone else’s feelings. Yeah. And so this is great, this is great for you to express it and to explore it. So sounds like you’re angry. Mm, yeah. Really angry. Yeah. I’m angry because I’m, I’m not free or I can’t be myself. Yeah. I’m angry because I had to take care of my own mother when she should have been the one taking care of me.

Mm. Yeah. And it’s tricky as well because I think like when I’ve listened so much in the past, you know, I’ve heard people have such, such tricky relationships and I feel so guilty because she’s the kindest person most nurturing in all of that. And it’s like, it feels like that’s the other reason that I stay stuck is ’cause I, I feel like I owe her the fact that I’m hiding that I feel this,

I sort of feel this way. So it’s like just, just like, yeah. Like I’m, I feel this, I feel the way I do and yet they help me so much. So it’s like I’m so two-faced to be like, thanks for helping me, but also I’m still angry at you. Well and that, that is normal because they did help you and provide for you in in great ways.

And there was also some unhealthy dynamics happening. Can be both. Yeah. But by you not honoring your own anger and your own feelings out of guilt and that would be unproductive guilt that you’re experiencing, you are not doing anybody any favors and you can see that you just wanna punish them because the anger hasn’t really been processed. When we actually process our anger and go through it and get to true forgiveness,

then we don’t wanna get back at people or punish them. Yeah, of course. So by your very honest sharing of they don’t deserve it, that what that tells me is the guilt has gotten in the way of you actually dealing with your anger and rage so that you can get to love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm mm So another thing that has,

you’ve probably learned to do, and this is modeling from mom, is just sort of like getting through life but not really going full on into anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ’cause then that’s the other part as well is that, you know, when they’ve always said like, you’re amazing, you can do anything. And then I don’t fully apply myself to anything.

It’s like the self-worth just gets like more and more and more quash and I’m more and more depleted. So then they cheer me on more and go, you’re amazing. And I’m like, it doesn’t mean anything. You know, I’m the one that’s got to do it and believe it. So it’s a really weird, weird mixed bag to kind of think like I’m in a really privileged position and at the same time to be like,

I’m completely running this into the ground and I don’t really know how to move forward and not be this kind of big, big kind of angry kid. Right, right. And see we’re back and forth again, right? Yeah. Yeah. Mm. So what I’m noticing, and what I want you to be aware of is that you often have a foot on the gas and a foot on the brake and you’re wondering why you feel stuck.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Right. And so you kind of bounce between two things versus actually following something all the way through. So for example, I’ve been privileged, okay, let’s follow that through. What does that mean? What has that gifted you with A family that, that loves me and provided food and home for me and you know, always being there.

And what do you make that mean in terms of owing them? Yeah. I was just gonna say, yeah. It means I owe them like my life. Okay. If you had a child and you provided for her or kind to her, which is a decent parent, would you then expect her to make sure you were okay or pay you back in some way?

Way? No, definitely. Why? Because I chose to to bring them into the world. And that’s that I that’s You’re the parent. Yeah. You’re the parent. It’s sort of like when you go to a restaurant and you’re paying for the food. You don’t go back in the kitchen and cook it, not your job. Which, Which is so funny because I,

I feel like I do feel that way in any situation like that where it would be like, oh, oh, oh, how bad for them. So sorry, I’ll, I’ll go do it. Yeah. Mm. And then you wonder why you want to either run or feel trapped. Yeah. ’cause you’re constantly putting yourself last. Mm. Or I shouldn’t say consistently.

Not constantly. So what I want you to do, ’cause you kind of bounce back between two things. You’ve done that several times in the call. Can you see that? Yeah, definitely. And this, but then there’s this and this, there’s a lot of buts, right? Yeah. I literally wrote that down as well. And it’s always a but Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And which is common and it, you know, it’s a protective thing is following something through and really questioning it. Really questioning, okay, so I’m privileged. And then, and then you just went like right to the other thing. So really questioning, okay, what am I making that mean? Is that really true? Is it really true that I owe my parents X,

Y, z because they provided for me, like to me, if, if you were to ask my opinion, What I think any child with any kind of privilege, quote unquote os is to be the best version of themselves they possibly can be. Yeah. To make the world a better place and to enjoy their life. Because from a parental perspective,

a healthy parent wants nothing more than their child to be happy and enjoy their life and living their purpose and passion. Yeah. So if you accurately view privilege and your privilege, I’m talking specifically, I’m not talking about cultural societal privilege. I’m talking about the privilege that you’re speaking to in terms of parent to child. If you’re looking at that, then the best thing you can do for your parents is to be healthy,

have a great life. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, it’s, it’s what that looks like, isn’t it? And, and, and you know, the how and where I do that because they say that too, and it just sort of feels like what’s the next, what’s the next move to support them? So The the the next move is really connecting with little Rebecca inside who is very confused about who she answers to.

Yeah, that’s true. Very confused. And so you just kinda have these protective patterns, like the abandonment and the trap. If we, you know, chunk it up high enough, they all have the same intention, which is to keep you safe and to keep you from feeling meshed again. Because it felt, I imagine in some level smothering. Mm mm So what you really wanna start doing is checking in with little Rebecca daily,

multiple times a day really asking, what do you want? What do you feel right now? What do you need? Because your own needs and emotions were never prioritized. I shouldn’t say never more often not prioritized. Right? So the other thing that you need to work with her on and all parts of you on is that disappointment is okay. Disappointment does not mean the withdrawal of love.

And that was another misbelief that happened because when mom got disappointed, it felt like all that love and all that nurturing momentarily went away. Yeah. So You’ll avoid disappointment like the plague, which means you’ll avoid going after what you really want because you don’t want the withdrawal of love. Yeah. So the other thing to, to work on both inner child wise and belief system wise is that a,

going after what I want does not necessarily mean I’m going to be disappointed. And if I do get disappointed, that’s okay. Love stays. Mm. Yeah. And then the third thing is to notice when you do the either or, and really follow the thought all the way through and challenge your thinking. Okay. Really, really challenge your thinking. So what is the main belief?

Let’s, let’s do, let’s as we wrap up, let’s do both the career and the relationship. So what is the main belief you have about your relationship that you feel is limiting you? Yeah, it’s, if I don’t go, if I don’t, you know, keep him around, I will be alone forever. And that he’s lovable and I’m not.

Oh, interesting. Okay, great. So we’ve got the, he’s lovable and I’m not, and we’ve got the, if I don’t hang on to this thing, that isn’t really what I want, but I better just settle for it because I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my life if I know. Yeah. Okay. So let’s start with the first one.

Do you know that’s really true? And Yeah, I mean, it, it, it feels like I’ve gathered so much evidence at this point for just feeling like yeah. That bad person thing. So I know I should say no, it’s not true. But I feel like, oh, but there’s A big part of you that believes it is. And what’s the evidence you’re referring to?

Just, I suppose probably what’s been the fallout from everything you’re saying with, with not following things through. So I think I don’t follow things through, so I’m like lazy. Yeah. And then the, and then the kind of beating myself down, I’ve not seen it as like putting myself last. I’ve always been like so self, I’ve always that thought I’m so self-focused.

So I’m selfish. And that also, ’cause I’ve had such strong reactions to him pulling away my, my jealousy and obviously the anger that we talked about before is like, wow. So on top of like him being there for you so much, you can’t even allow his freedom. Like what kind of person are you? What kind of friend are you?

That kind of thing. Okay. So you, this is again tied back to mom. So you’re supposed to sacrifice your own happiness in what you love so that he can be okay. Hmm. Yeah. So lemme tell you what’s more true then. If I don’t settle for this guy, I’m gonna be alone forever. What’s more true is you don’t believe you can have what you want,

so you don’t go after it. Yeah. Yeah. That’s true. And this isn’t what you want. You don’t want this guy, you want someone who’s a yes. Relationship. So a powerful action step that you could take to start telling all parts of you. No, actually now we start going for what we want. ’cause we believe we can have it and we get disappointed.

We can deal with it. As you say, thank you so much. I totally hear that you’re not ready for a relationship. I’ve enjoyed our time together. I really am ready for a committed relationship and that’s what I’m looking for. And I wish you all the best. That would be powerful. And that would start moving you in the direction of like,

I can have what I want. Not this fear of, oh, I gotta hang on to like this thing that isn’t what I want because it’s the best I can do. Well that’s the thing. I think ’cause he is so tied up in like all parts of my life as well. So it feels like that’s where I’ve get, I get the hives of being trapped like,

Hmm. Now my only option is I’m back with family. It’s like him or family. So, yeah. Well again, because we’re back to the belief I can’t have what I want. What I really want is to have a great relationship to live on my own, whatever it is. But again, you don’t believe you can. Yeah. So I don’t believe those are your only two options and it’s your either or thinking that sees those only two options.

Yeah. So what could be another possibility? Well, yeah, so I thought, because part of the thing was that there’s like, you know, the uncertainty. ’cause I’d been self-employed and then have to and stuff. So it’s like, you know, when too many things are uncertain it’s like I’m just gonna spiral. So I’d been sort of thinking that would that,

yeah. So I was like, oh, do I find a job somewhere else that I don’t necessarily care about, but I focus on my music because the dream has always been still to release my own music and instead I’ve kind of, again, gone long way around that where I really get a lot out of coaching people in their singing. But it’s kind of like,

I’ve still never done my thing. So it’s like, do I get a quote unquote normal job if I can in the daytime and just solidly work on my music somewhere and borrow away? Mm. I mean that’s a possibility. But what again, is gonna be even more powerful is if you start taking action with the belief of I choose me and I get to have what I want.

Things in your life will start changing. Yeah. Yeah. Because You can believe something different. Yeah. Mm. That’s exciting. But I think you need, like, there’s, there’s something that happens when we’re in that a meshed relationship with a parent where we don’t actually individuate. Mm. So another thing that’s gonna be super important for you to do is really,

and I encourage you to join our, our, I mean it’s going on right now, but I’m recording this before we air it. Our inner child workshop that’s happening the sixth, seventh, and eighth. ’cause we’re gonna talk signed up about all this stuff. Okay, great. Is that like, you gotta like cut the ties from mom and tell like the little girl inside and I don’t mean cut the relationship.

Yeah, I mean the, the codependent like energetic ties that are there because you’re still gonna feel like a child if you’re still that hooked into mom and that’s gonna make big decisions like ending a relationship, getting your own place, upleveling your career, feel really overwhelming. Yeah. It’s gonna be tricky to do that whilst being around her while not Necessarily, not necessarily.

It’s like the materials there and you can work with it. You have your own room. Yeah, there you go. And I would really hold, I’m not gonna live here much longer. I’m gonna have my own place. What do you want? Do you want your own place? Yeah, definitely. Then Go after it. Yeah. Please don’t see your only options as I need to live with my parents or I need to be with this guy who like isn’t choosing me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re so right. I’m Glad you’re, you’re gonna be in the inner child workshop because that’s gonna help you unpack this more. But for, for now, it’s a couple things. Connecting with little Rebecca, checking in, what do you want, what do you feel, what are you experiencing, what do you need? Like giving that part of you a voice,

watching your either or thinking and then challenging your thinking. Yeah. Especially the either or thinking Okay, yeah. Either after this or this. Those are my only options. Really. Really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So helpful. I was just gonna say with the what do you, what do do I need? What do I, what do,

what does little me need? I think it’s just, is it, it is still important to kind of then I know I need to then this is not go absolutely haywire and go, well I need this, so I guess I’ll never do this again. So it’s sitting with it long enough to kind of talk myself through even some of the kind of immediate hard stuff.

Would you say, you know, say if it’s something that’s like, oh, I need rest, but I’ve committed to seeing friends and things like that, I think naturally I would just meet all of my commitments because I would feel worse later if I didn’t. You’d Only feel worse later because of what you tell yourself. So you could just to choose who you get to disappoint the little girl inside of you or your friends.

And it’s way easier to disappoint friends because what you can say is, I was so looking forward to seeing you and I notice I’m really actually tired and I’m gonna rest. I’d love to see you next week. Yeah. Because Again, you’re still moving from a place of obligation, not really self-honoring. Yeah. And you’re only gonna feel worse because you’re having unproductive guilt,

which is the same dynamic you’re in with mom. Hmm. Oh you’re, and so thank you so much for this. Yeah. You’ve gotta stop running into the kitchen and cooking everybody else’s food and sit down and eat your damn meal at your table. Oh, thank you so much. You’re so welcome. We’ll see you in the inner child workshop. Yeah,

you’re amazing. Thank you. Thank you Rebecca, for your honesty, for your vulnerability, and for being so coachable. So there’s a lot we unpacked in this episode, so there’s not too much more to break down here. I just wanna highlight again how important it is to challenge your thinking and how important it is to realize when you’re in either or and eliminating the realm of possibility.

There are often many more options than we think they are. And you know, a lot of that comes from growing up in more fear-based environment. When we grow up in more fear-based environment, when there’s not a lot of regulation, when there’s not a lot of reassurance, when basically there aren’t adults leading the family that provide a feeling of it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay and if there’s a problem,

we have the tools to deal with it. I empower you to deal with it and it’s, it’s okay. We don’t have that kind of messaging. There’s definitely a desire for certainty. There’s definitely a more limited thinking, more limited view of the world. There’s not the realm of possibility. This also happens if we grow up in a really strict household or highly intellectual household where there wasn’t a lot of room for creativity and imagination.

So I ask you, do you engage in that either or thinking, do you settle for something just because you don’t think you can have what you want? It was such a powerful moment in the episode where I asked Rebecca to close her eyes and I said that statement, I can have what I want. And tears came up and it just revealed that on a deep level,

she doesn’t believe she can have what she wants. So if we don’t believe that, do you think we’re gonna get it? No, we’re gonna play it safe. We’re gonna settle and then we’re gonna feel a fear of abandonment or trap because it actually isn’t what we want in the first place. You know, when we really believe we can have what we want and we settle into those places,

we don’t have the fears that come with the limiting belief that we don’t deserve it, aren’t capable of it in some way. So I invite you to really challenge your either or thinking to notice when you’re doing that, really challenge the belief that you can’t have what you want or that you have to brace yourself for disappointment. You know, I wrote a whole book on how to deal with disappointment.

It’s completely possible. Don’t need to be afraid of it. You’ve heard me say before, most likely that regret is way worse than risk. We can’t get time back. We can’t. So when we play it safe and we settle, we’re gonna end up with regret. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take the risk and go after what I want and deal with the maybe disappointment,

but also maybe not. Maybe there’s tremendous happiness and contentment and peace that comes from that risk. But if we never take it, if we live in either or if we live in this is all I can have, or this is good enough and we continue to settle because we wanna play it safe, then what we’re gonna end up with is a lot of regret.

So I encourage you to start believing you can have what you want and start to go for it Said, need so much love and many blessings. Until next time, thank you for listening to Over it and on with it. I love hearing from you. So please post your comments or questions at christinehassler.com/podcast. That’s also the place you can sign up to receive coaching from me in an upcoming episode.

And if you love this show, please share it and subscribe in iTunes. You can find all my social media handles and sign up to be part of my community at christinehassler.com. Until next week, here’s to getting over it and on with it. Much love and many blessings.