In response to the recent UPdate I wrote entitled Obligation is the Worst form of Motivation, I received the following email: “This is one of my worst problems. I have a hard time saying “no”. Now that I have my daughter, I simply CAN’T do everything that is asked of me. It doesn’t solve my problem, though. I’ve never been comfortable just saying “no” without feeling the need to justify it. While my daughter is a legitimate excuse, it’s also convenient. And sometimes I just don’t want to do something, but feel guilty for it so I say yes anyway.”

This got me thinking about the safety saying we all learned in grade school, “Just say no.” Do you still follow that advice? Try it: just say “No” and realize that “No” is actually a complete sentence! But most of us usually follow “no” with some kind of explanation, apology, or justification of why we are saying no. We have justification so conditioned into our response that just saying no may seem incredibly uncomfortable; even though it is often the most appropriate and honest answer.

I noticed myself doing this the other day when someone asked me to do something that I did not have the time, energy or desire to do. And when I responded with a no, I observed myself then going into a long-winded explanation because I was experiencing guilt and assuming I was letting the person down. And my ego was concerned that the person may not like me or judge me as selfish. But the truth was I was making a self-honoring choice and if I had said yes, it would not have worked out well for me or the person asking for the favor.

So today I remind you to just say NO. And you don’t have to explain or justify yourself. My only suggestion is that when you say no, do so politely. Release any judgment against yourself that you are being mean or selfish. You do not have to feel guilty for saying no if that is the most truthful and self-honoring answer! UPdate your use of no to empower yourself, be more honest with yourself and others, and clear unwanted or unnecessary obligations. The more we say NO to the things we do not want, the more we are able to say YES to the things we do.

Fondly,