Being single is not a disorder!

I have been hearing a lot of people complaining about being single lately and approaching their relationship status as some kind of disorder that needs to be treated. I observe so many single people, especially the ladies out there, consistently working on themselves to find their “soulmate.”

In today’s vlog I encourage you to be grateful for whatever your relationship status is – single, dating, divorced, engaged, married or it’s complicated – and embrace it because there is tremendous growth, love and even FUN that comes with each one. I also share some of the perks I have found from being single.


Being single is not a disorder so if you are without a plus one, please stop making it a problem – nothing is wrong with! @christinhassler (tweet this!).  It is funny to me how the reaction to being single often comes with the question of why we are not in a relationship.   We project in our society that it is better to be coupled. But is that really true? Perhaps at times in our life it’s better NOT to be romantically entwined.

It is an incredible time to focus on becoming an awesome partner to yourself because let’s face it, all of us could improve on self-love. Are you treating yourself with the love and respect you desire?  Consider your soul is pressing pause on drawing in your “soulmate” so that you can fall in love with YOU first.  The better partner we are to ourselves, the more loving will show up in ALL relationships.  Nurturing yourself is an investment in your future partnership.

Singlehood also comes with the perk of getting really clear on your purpose and diving deeper into your spiritual practice.  I’ve noticed people get distracted by a romantic relationship and allow things that used to be a priority slip.  If you are single you may be learning how to hold in your purpose and vision so that when a relationship comes in, it’s an addition and not a distraction. Healthy relationships should support our spiritual practice and purpose, not distract us from them @christinhassler (tweet this!).

Here is the truth about what causes 100% of the suffering over being single: the belief that being with someone else would be better.  Really? How do you even know that’s true? Whether that someone is an ex, someone you are currently obsessed with, or the fantasy of a future someone; your belief that when he or she comes along then your life will be better is what is torturing you.

Here is more truth: There is nothing wrong with you.  You are totally loveable and you are surrounded by love.  You are not alone.  You’ve just lost sight of how amazing you are because you are so busy looking around for someone else.

For those of you who are in relationship . . .  I encourage you to still have a “single” life. Now I do not mean hop on Tinder with a hall pass.  Rather, make sure you have a life outside your relationship.  Your own friends and hobbies are important so that you can stop projecting massive expectations on your partner.  One person can never be our everything.

If you want to change your experience of your current relationship status is, change how you perceive it. 

Look for all the incredible blessings, growth opportunities and LOVE around you.  Stop thinking another situation would be better.  The grass is NOT greener. Stop being in limbo waiting to do things you want to do until Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. Living an “in between” mindset is preventing you from enjoying your life at its full capacity!

Keep your intention to be in a loving, healthy partnership but drop the story that something is wrong with you because you are not.  Trust the Divine knows your desire just like you trust that when you order something at a restaurant, eventually the food will come. Remove the scarlet “S” from your chest.

Your relationship status does not define you and it absolutely should not impact the amount of love you feel. I’d love to support you in embracing more LOVE in your life so please head over to the blog and leave your comments and questions.

Love,

Christine

p.s. Is coaching the right career for you? Find out if it is and everything you always wanted to know about becoming an established coach. Hillary Rubin, has put together an incredible, FREE online summit, The Breakthrough to Coaching Experience, to help you figure it out. You can check out my interview on August 7th and learn from 14 other top coaches + mentors. Go here for details.

p.p.s.  My summer retreat sold out quickly with a wait list so I am hosting another one in the fall. Spend a weekend with me letting go of any expectation hangover for good and find peace in the present and clarity about your future.  This will fill up fast so check out the details and email jill@christinehassler.com soon.  Go here.

 

 

  • http://lettersfromlaunna.blogspot.com/ Launna

    Christine… I don’t think being single is a disorder… however; saying that I don’t think it is wrong to want romantic love.

    Many women live single and are happy with this… I want a partner and I don’t think there is anything wrong with my desiring it.

    I don’t think it needs to be my number 1 focus but it is high priority. Yes we can be happy without relationships…I would prefer to be in a good and healthy relationship though…

    • Christine Hassler

      Absolutely!! There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship :)

  • Carla Anne Johnson

    Thank you for this It is just what I needed to hear at this time in my life!

    • Christine Hassler

      My pleasure – glad it served you :)

  • Elaine

    I love your video about happiness as a single person. It boosted my confidence in my choice to be single in the face of so much judgment I feel about my choice. I am asked “aren’t you lonely?” No, because I have amazing friends. “Isn’t your single life boring?” No, it’s rich. I’m more in touch than ever with the real me. Thank you for bringing your thoughts on being single.

    • Christine Hassler

      Yes, love it Elaine!!

  • Ange

    Hi Christine, I was recently at a new hairdresser’s who, over conversation told me in a desperate ‘panic’ that she had spent all weekend on Tinder desperately trying to find a new “man” – as it turns out, she had been in a doormat relationship for the past 10 years, and her “partner” just dumped her out of the blue (apparently – she did not see this coming) and, as she continued…’oh my Gawd (extremely panicked) I’m turning 30 this December!!’ To which I responded…well I’m 33 and have been single for 8 years. Well, the whole place turned silent when I said this, including her. To which she then sized me up for….there must be something wrong with her. She was eye-ing me up like – nope, not fat (although she was overweight and comfortable herself), could it be this, could it be that, then I copped some strange stares from some of the other customers in there. I walked out thinking…..oh shhht, is it a problem I am single? Am I really a time bomb ticking away, and I should be in a desperate panic too? She looked at me and said, well do you go out much….and I remembered my mid twenties I had spent going out with women who were ‘on prowl’ and ‘needy’ only to ever meet men I was not keen on. I have met more men doing things I love, than I have actively seeking someone, but sure, I’ll put if out there. I’m not going back to this hairdresser. It is a shame that I have not been able to actively hang onto a relationship for 8 years, and during those 8 years there have been times when I have looked crazy good too – looks really have nothing to do with it, or at least it really is the person and the opposite of what Hollywood says most of the time. Nobody ever looks below the surface of those ppl who are in relationships who get a big tick from society girl being in one, when in actual fact they have most likely just settled and it shouldn’t be included as a statistic. A friend of mine was like that when I told him recently I can’t take it anymore and I’m going to settle…and he hold me to keep the faith because a relationship that’s right for me is just around the corner, and to not focus on other peoples relationships, because those people who have settled the cracks come out eventually and it’s not pretty – hang in there (he is recently divorced in his 40s). Bless him, and bless you too! Thank you for writing & recording this post :-))) I’m going to show my mom next time she asks me if I’m gay ;-) x

    • Christine Hassler

      This is fantastic – I love your reframe!!!

  • alana

    I’m 24, never been in a rs (have been on a few dates though…), and I used to hate being single. I always felt that there was something wrong with me, or maybe there is something wrong with me wanting to be in a rs… But I think I finally realize in this year that maybe, there is nothing wrong. At all. People want things (eg to be in a rs), that’s normal. People are things (eg to be single), that’s normal too.

    Another post Christine has written earlier which helped me a lot too was this statement: You cannot screw up your destiny. That was mentioned again in your book, Expectation Hangover, and I found so much comfort in it. Honestly, having been single for so long and constantly being questioned by friends and relatives about my rs status, I often ‘scan’ and judge men based on how compatible we are. Do they meet this criteria, that criteria etc… If I was going out with someone, I often judge myself too, wondering if what I say is interesting, if it will make him like me better, if what I did just screwed up my only chance at happiness.

    Well, guess what: you cannot screw up your destiny. I have this theory about fate and faith. I think in a way, if you “missed a chance”, you didn’t actually miss a chance – it was not meant to be, it’s FATE. There are greater forces at work. Why people become anxious is because they lose FAITH. They start to think they can manipulate fate or swing it in their favor. So they desperately try so many different ways: going out on blind dates, wearing their lucky underwear, going back to exes, getting astrology readings etc. There may be some relief in using that nervous energy, but I don’t think it will actually attain any inner peace. At least, that was for me. Until I realized that I just need to have FAITH in FATE. Whatever will be, will be. And until then, I will just be the best of me – maybe The Universe wants me to focus on something greater at this point in life. That’s all. And that’s ok.

    I commiserate with other singles who are putting themselves out there and taking a chance on love, to go out on dates and being open to meeting new people. I know that feeling…all too well. But I hope that you guys can know that you all are ok too, and that you will be ok eventually. You cannot possibly mess up your own fate. Just have faith!

    And honestly, I still need to remind myself of this from time to time. It’s easy to slip back into the negative thoughts, esp with the overwhelming concerned looks from others. But hey, you’ll ok. We all are (:

    • Christine Hassler

      Yes, you are 100% ok!

  • Emily

    Thank you so much for this post – it’s just what I needed! I’m a single 33-year-old and everyone from relatives and colleagues to taxi driver asks when I will get a boyfriend or husband. They all think if I don’t get a move on I will be over the hill soon. But in fact I should enjoy this time instead of seeing it as ‘in-between’ time.

    • Christine Hassler

      Yes!!!

  • Amandeep Kaur

    This is a
    brilliant vlog – thank you so much for it!
    I came across your book ‘20 Something, 20 Everything’ when I was 25
    years old – scared of the big changes occurring in my life, worried about the
    future and feeling lost without any direction.
    I have absolutely no idea how I came across your book but it is safe to say I was guided to it and to you.

    I did all the tasks in the book and looking back your book gave me a very solid foundation to start the next exciting chapter of my life.

    I was so excited about the changes I went out a brought copies for my friends!

    Your message in this vlob is brilliant and resonates very deeply with me and once again I feel I have been guided to youand heard the right message, at the right time.

    Keep up the great work! :)

    • Christine Hassler

      Sorry this is a late response!! I’m so glad the book helped, makes my heart smile

  • This Is Why Men Are Single

    Then again which i can certainly Blame the type of women now that we have out there for that one since they have become Very Nasty to us Good Men really looking for a Good Woman that Unfortunately Don’t exist anymore. Trying to start a Normal Conversation with a woman that will Attract us men has become so very impossible today since they like to Curse at us men for No Reason at all since i myself and a friend that i know had this happened to us already when we really Didn’t Do Anything Wrong in the first place. Complete Psychos today which they need Help very badly.

  • michelle2346@mail.ru

    I see there are many people are like to live alone. Actually this is not disorder but a company is need for live with enjoy. So this now more common matter that people are interested about company.

  • joseph547654@mail.ru

    Nice to read your blog. Love needs of each human life. If you prefer the hands of a man alone in his lonely life better and happier. After the marriage, which is a wide variety of single-family issues are not without. I think there is a need life partner.