No matter how old you are,
Or where you are in your career,
Or what stage of life you are in,
There is something you always need to have and be!
What is that something? A mentor.
I recently got back from spending time with my speaking mentor and am lit up about how valuable this relationship is. In today’s vlog, I share tips on finding a mentor, cultivating a relationship with that person, and becoming a mentor to others (and I know I needed a fashion mentor in this video as my dress seriously clashes with the background, ha!)..
A mentor is defined as “an experienced and trusted adviser” but I believe that definition is missing a lot.
A mentor is also a confidant, an ally, a cheerleader, a blind spot illuminator, a coach, and a soulmate (because I believe soulmates are people we have Divine appointments with to learn from, they are not just romantic partners).
I have been blessed to have incredible mentors in my life that I have learned things from that no book or online program could have ever taught me. Whenever I want to uplevel an area in my life, I seek out a mentor.
A year ago I set a strong intention to find a female speaking mentor. After a decade of speaking, it was time to get to the next level. I share the story about how I identified and cultivated an awesome relationship with Connie in the vlog.
So how do you identify and cultivate a relationship with a mentor? Here are a few tips:
1. Seek out someone who is a good decade ahead of you in terms of age or experience. Peers are great to bounce ideas off of; however, not the best mentors.
2. Look for someone who is not only doing what you want to be doing, but also living the way you want to be living. Making sure your values align it’s an important part of a mentoring relationship. There are a lot of people out there who may have achieved something you want to achieve but the way they went about it may not jive with your values and lifestyle.
3. Be conscious of creating from the start a mutually beneficial relationship. Being mentored is about learning and growing, not taking. Consider what you can offer in return. Granted, you may have less experience and knowledge but there is always something you can give. Healthy relationships are a two-way street.
4. Be specific in terms of what you are requesting. Rather than saying, “Will you mentor me?” come up with a detailed request such as, “I have a project I am working on and my request is one hour of your time to review it with you.” That is your entry point, then you can cultivate a deeper relationship from there. Just asking someone to be your mentor is vague and puts a lot of expectation on that person. And please for the love of chocolate, DO NOT ask to “pick their brain.” That is such a pet peeve of mine – forgive my venting. People don’t want their brains picked, ew.
5. Just ask!! You have nothing to loose and so much to gain. I believe that people really do want to help people and, most of the time, are flattered to be asked.
6. Develop rapport. Do not put your mentor on a pedestal. Yes, respect them. But do not be intimidated to the point that you are not honest – they can’t help you if you pretend. Allow yourself to ask what you may judge as stupid questions. And also open your heart. Create a connection. Mentors make incredible friends too.
Just as important as having a mentor is being one. We all have things to share, teach and contribute. (Tweet This!!) Just because you are younger or not super advanced in your career does not mean you do not have incredible wisdom and love to share. Put yourself out there to mentor others. A great way to do that is to sign up for a volunteer mentoring program. And to the parents out there, your fellow mothers and fathers are dying for your mentor-ship! Please know how valuable what you have learned from being a parent is.
Remember, we are not here to figure everything out on our own or just connect with our close circle of family and friends. Broaden your horizons!! Seek out people to teach you and who you can teach.
I’d love to hear your comments on mentor-ship so please comment below.
p.s. Ever feel self-conscious? That’s one of the topics I dive into in on this weeks episode of Over It and On With It. Listen to me coach Kristen on how to feel more confident – especially in relationships with men. Go here to listen
p.p.p.s. I know all the race is Snapchat, but Instagram still has my heart. Connect with me here. @christinehassler