One thing you *always* need to have and be

No matter how old you are,

Or where you are in your career,

Or what stage of life you are in,

There is something you always need to have and be!

What is that something? A mentor.

I recently got back from spending time with my speaking mentor and am lit up about how valuable this relationship is. In today’s vlog, I share tips on finding a mentor, cultivating a relationship with that person, and becoming a mentor to others (and I know I needed a fashion mentor in this video as my dress seriously clashes with the background, ha!)..

A mentor is defined as “an experienced and trusted adviser” but I believe that definition is missing a lot.

A mentor is also a confidant, an ally, a cheerleader, a blind spot illuminator, a coach, and a soulmate (because I believe soulmates are people we have Divine appointments with to learn from, they are not just romantic partners).

I have been blessed to have incredible mentors in my life that I have learned things from that no book or online program could have ever taught me. Whenever I want to uplevel an area in my life, I seek out a mentor.

A year ago I set a strong intention to find a female speaking mentor. After a decade of speaking, it was time to get to the next level. I share the story about how I identified and cultivated an awesome relationship with Connie in the vlog.

So how do you identify and cultivate a relationship with a mentor? Here are a few tips:

1. Seek out someone who is a good decade ahead of you in terms of age or experience. Peers are great to bounce ideas off of; however, not the best mentors.

2. Look for someone who is not only doing what you want to be doing, but also living the way you want to be living. Making sure your values align it’s an important part of a mentoring relationship. There are a lot of people out there who may have achieved something you want to achieve but the way they went about it may not jive with your values and lifestyle.

3. Be conscious of creating from the start a mutually beneficial relationship. Being mentored is about learning and growing, not taking. Consider what you can offer in return. Granted, you may have less experience and knowledge but there is always something you can give. Healthy relationships are a two-way street.

4. Be specific in terms of what you are requesting. Rather than saying, “Will you mentor me?” come up with a detailed request such as, “I have a project I am working on and my request is one hour of your time to review it with you.” That is your entry point, then you can cultivate a deeper relationship from there. Just asking someone to be your mentor is vague and puts a lot of expectation on that person. And please for the love of chocolate, DO NOT ask to “pick their brain.” That is such a pet peeve of mine – forgive my venting. People don’t want their brains picked, ew.

5. Just ask!! You have nothing to loose and so much to gain. I believe that people really do want to help people and, most of the time, are flattered to be asked.

6. Develop rapport. Do not put your mentor on a pedestal. Yes, respect them. But do not be intimidated to the point that you are not honest – they can’t help you if you pretend. Allow yourself to ask what you may judge as stupid questions. And also open your heart. Create a connection. Mentors make incredible friends too.

Just as important as having a mentor is being one. We all have things to share, teach and contribute. (Tweet This!!) Just because you are younger or not super advanced in your career does not mean you do not have incredible wisdom and love to share. Put yourself out there to mentor others. A great way to do that is to sign up for a volunteer mentoring program. And to the parents out there, your fellow mothers and fathers are dying for your mentor-ship! Please know how valuable what you have learned from being a parent is.

Remember, we are not here to figure everything out on our own or just connect with our close circle of family and friends. Broaden your horizons!! Seek out people to teach you and who you can teach.

I’d love to hear your comments on mentor-ship so please comment below.

Fondly,
Christine

p.s. Ever feel self-conscious? That’s one of the topics I dive into in on this weeks episode of Over It and On With It. Listen to me coach Kristen on how to feel more confident – especially in relationships with men. Go here to listen

p.p.s. BALI!!!! My summer retreat is full. The next opportunity to join me for a life changing adventure in Bali and we have FOUR SPOTS LEFT. Details here. Email jill@christinehassler.com to apply.

p.p.p.s. I know all the race is Snapchat, but Instagram still has my heart. Connect with me here. @christinehassler

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  • Fortunatus Ekklesiah

    Hi Christine! Thank you for this. It has really opened up my eyes. I have had a couple of mentors, but the relationships have not yielded as much as I expcted and I now see where I went wrong.
    I didn’t think of it a take-and-give… I was NEVER specific and I think this has been the biggest obstacle. I think I had the right picks in terms of how our values and beliefs match… I guess it’s time to fix the relationships.
    Thank you, you are inspiring and a role model to me.
    Greetings from Tanzania, Africa.

    • Christine Hassler

      Hello – so glad you got an aha moment. And I’ve been to Tanzania, it’s beautiful!!

      • Fortunatus Ekklesiah

        Awesome. You are welcome again. Will be glad to host you :)

  • ArtN

    This is out of place, but I wanted to comment on your Charlie Hoehn podcast. It was wonderful and his advice resonated deeply with how I view Mindfulness activities. I used to think meditation was where it was at, but people don’t often continue doing things they don’t really find enjoyable. I read a book on meditation by some guy (can’t remember his name) and he took Charlie’s view that for many, it is an activity that adds more stress than it removes because of the ‘have to’ angle. Something akin to taking your vitamins every day. Not that big a deal, but it is a ‘have to’ that ends up being skipped a lot.

    So this guru stated that what meditation does (the important part of it) is centers us and quiets us down, slows us down, allows us to just BE in the moment. He said that the exact benefits can be had with doing things that get us into Flow. We all should have something that we love doing where time passes without us even noticing. For me, that is playing the piano. I also like to just sit and quiet myself..no music, no artificial, uncomfortable stance, just an awareness of the world + my breathing.

    Kids know this and practice it naturally. It’s called PLAY and they do it well. I loved his ideas on adult play. Like your board games (which I love too). We need more of that and less work. I’m not sure how work/productivity became the source of our pride, but it has been destructive. I’m waiting for someone to write a book called Lean Out.

    Thank you for your easy listening podcasts. It’s clear that you love doing them and you’re very good at it.

    • Christine Hassler

      Thank you Art – hope you are getting some PLAY in this weekend :)

  • Sara

    Thanks, thats really good advice, the specific part and sharing and giving each other support in different areas. I´m just having trouble finding a mentor, I guess I don´t really know where to look, or if there are people I know that are in that place, I always feel like I´m the one giving advice and helping instead of the other way around :) I would love to hear your thoughts about that :)

  • Sherry

    Christine ~ I love your podcasts!! I especially liked this one on Mentors. I’ve always wanted a mentor.. but I guess was under the impression that they would “find me”.. and I’ve been passively waiting and waiting.. (!) It was very helpful for me to hear you talk about HOW to engage in finding/”asking”/Not Asking a mentor for help… I have always thought the idea of a mentor was fantastic.. but always sort of did it “in my head”. Never actually asked another person (out loud) for assistance, advice, encouragement, etc. I always imagined how weird I must come across if I approached someone like “Hey, Hi, will you be my mentor?” That just seems so contrived and awkward to me. I really liked your suggestion of approaching someone we thought could mentor us in the context of asking them for assistance on a specific project or idea. It feels great to realize that I can take the active role in beginning a mentoring relationship.
    Thanks! <3

  • Dangaleo Rusdeles

    hello again,
    would just like to say thanks for all your support. I think im going to make big changes now and you were a part of it! :). Sometimes I relate to what you say/write and is nice having someone at least went through same thing went through. No one understand why I was suicidal just want to lock me up in prison because I didnt conform to their rules. I always had help when was young but when I was older & in college/university people didn’t even treat me right more like I was their personal slave for their own selfish success… Im glad I dropped out of university though looking back now at least it gave me the strength to be independent. Even so called real-life friends saying they care when they really don’t. Only people that cared were my gaming friends really. If people want to make other claims I will gladly start a political war with them sooner or later. I was always concerned with security but once I went to the freelancing website and just offered my services everything came together. Not to mention posting 2500 videos on youtube overtime so I kind of know what to do now. I tried to focus on gaming community but issues arose and I decided to make video playlists of other topics but when I did I immediately knew if it was something I could/could not do. Getting help on fiverr isnt so bad either I just posted a request got so many offers and am so glad they didnt charge me much either, they suggested I make the videos first than they add the music to it after maybe delayed but at least is good service :D. I canceled some people off though because people said am I qualified for the job or offer unrelated things to it glad I did though those people weren’t very serious. I hate when someone compares an online business to a job, is not thats what people say when they want to “scam/cheat” you. saying that just puts lots of pressure on someone to meet expectations that I dont even want of them. I didn’t doubt them at first but them ignoring me after I responded to their request of “let me know if im qualified for this job”. They made themself look bad but starting to hate the term “job” more and more is like such a depressing word, Ive never had a job but really is it that bad?

    I did figure out other things I was missing in a business though and after I did that it all made sense now I can start a business easily based on my passions at a low cost also. Most of it was just learning how to manage my money. if want to check out more search “businesses to start in real life with limited budget” was surprised what I found some very useful info. I also browse videos randomly on youtube and saw samsung.. Trading company -> noodle manufacturer -> skyscraper -> phones -> monitor -> military?? im not srue but is so motivating/encouraging to see something like that well at least for me. I value culture & community and anything that promotes that feel more inspired.

    anyways will be busy now but just thought would show appreciating through post & is feedback. talk soon will be busy now but so excited/motivated about my life now ^^.

  • Milena Hunt

    Wonderful,valuable advice,Christine:) Thank you ever so much for your pearls of wisdom. Being mentored as well as being a mentor is an honour that we get granted when the time is right. Timing is,I believe,one of the most crucial factors for a mutually beneficial mentor-mentee relationship: both have to be ready…