This episode is about making self-serving decisions. Today’s caller, Renae, is married, and questioning whether or not her marriage has reached its expiration date. As you can hear in the call, Renea intuitively knows what she should do but she needs to be empowered so she can take action.
Do all relationships where one person is on the growth path, and the other person isn’t, have an expiration date? Not necessarily. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to know when it’s time to leave a relationship. When there is abuse, addiction, or toxic behavior, or the other person is unwilling to invest in the relationship, you have to be honest about why you are still in this type of relationship, and whether it is really serving your highest good.
When it is time to evaluate a relationship, or when it’s time to end it, be honest with yourself and listen to your intuition. You may already know the answer. When we seek counsel with others, we want to hear from someone else what we may already know. Sometimes we are looking for someone to give us permission.
If you are a parent who feels they may have messed up their kids, your fear is not helping you or them. What does help is to help them learn how to make self-honoring decisions. You should start equipping them with the personal development tools and mindset to help them break generational patterns, and to not personalize the situation. Children shouldn’t feel that anything was their fault.
And, actions speak louder than words. We must give someone the dignity of the process but honor our own boundaries. Don’t be a victim. Consider Al-Anon, and find other people you can connect to. Don’t bond over wounds, but find other people who understand your background. It will help empower you.
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- Are you questioning your current relationship? Are you in, or did you grow up in, an abusive environment?
- Do you know what to do, but wish someone would give you permission to do it? Have you been attempting to change someone else, but realize the most important person to focus on right now is yourself?
Renae wants to know if she should stay in her current long-term relationship.
Renae’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She grew up in an environment of physical and verbal abuse.
- Her husband is verbally abusive to her and her children.
- She doesn’t focus on herself.
- Her 15-year-old daughter wants her to get a divorce.
- She’s afraid to make the wrong decision.
- She recognizes she needs to change her life and to give her kids a different environment.
- She’s known what to do, but needed validation to move forward.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She needs to make a decision to break patterns and to change things.
- She needs to start documenting abuse.
- She needs to stop beating herself up, and practice self-love and self-care.
- She needs to believe in herself, and give herself positive encouragement.
- If you are questioning your relationship, ask yourself, “What is this relationship teaching me? What patterns do I need to complete? Could it be time to go? What do I need to do to make a shift?”
- If you are a parent, and feel that your children have seen things in your life or marriage that have been tough and they are struggling, get them help! You can’t be their therapist, counselor, or coach. They may need an objective person they can talk to, and to give them new tools.
- My Inner Circle community can be a great place to find the love and support from people who know what you are feeling.
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