The feeling of loneliness is incredibly painful. It can be particularly difficult this time of year where there is a lot of pressure to “deck the halls” with others and curl up roasting some chestnuts with a special someone.
The last thing I want for you this holiday season (or any other time of year) is to suffer by feeling alone. The biggest gift you can give to yourself is to change how you experience time alone. I realize that is easier said than done which is why my vlog this week is all about giving you ways to overcome and reframe loneliness.
I encourage you to watch the video for more details but here is a short summary if you only have time to read.
First, be very mindful of what you tell yourself when you are alone. The fact that you are alone is not why you feel lonely. The meaning you give being alone is what creates the feeling of loneliness. If you tell yourself that you are a loser or something is wrong with you or life would be so much better if you had someone there, you are going to suffer. If you choose loving and supportive thoughts while being conscious of not making not having people around mean anything negative about you, your experience will change.
It is MUCH easier to do what I suggested about when your connection cup is full. Make an effort to make plans, get out with friends, get involved in hobbies or volunteerism, or anything else that gets you around people. Invite people to things, do not sit around and wait to be invited. Be proactive about being around people so that when you are alone, it can feel like a time to recharge and reconnect to yourself.
I spend quite a bit of time alone so this is something I have really learned to put into practice for my mental and emotional health. I balance being out in the world and connected to others with spending time with myself. If my connection cup is not full, then I am way more likely to feel lonely.
Also, we experience more loneliness when we do not feel a connection to some kind of Higher Power. When our spiritual life is rich, we truly know that we are never alone (tweet this!). We know we are part of the Oneness and loved unconditionally by our Higher Power. If you realize your spiritual life is a bit poor, I encourage you to start a meditation practice, read some spiritual texts, listen to audios or podcasts – basically do anything to get yourself connected!
Loneliness is one of the most painful human experiences because it reinforces the illusion of separation. When we think we are on our own and feel disconnected we are more likely to feel sad, anxious, and worthless.
As humans we NEED connection. Please do not wait for someone else to come and take the pain away. Be proactive about changing your story of being alone and filling your connection cup.
You are not alone!
p.s. Did you catch this week’s podcast episode? I coach Natalie on moving from awareness to actual change. Go here to listen to ep 117.