This episode is about moving into acceptance and forgiveness. Today’s caller, Jen, is having a hard time getting to forgiveness because she doesn’t believe her parents did the best they could. Her grudge may be costing her the very thing she longs for the most.
One of the ways we get to forgiveness is knowing people did the best they could, even if we believe they could have done better. Knowing they did the best they could with the tools they had is one of the ways we can get to forgiveness. It can be difficult, especially when it was a parent or a loved one.
Holding on to anger, blame, and resentment is toxic. It will eat you up inside and keep you from what you want. Continuing to use the past as a scapegoat for why you don’t have want you want gives your past power. Until you move into acceptance and forgiveness, your past will infiltrate every aspect of your present and your future.
Look at the places where you are not letting love into your life. Are you focusing too much on the people that didn’t love you in the way you wanted, and missing out on all the love around you?
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Is there someone you have not been able to forgive because you truly feel what they did is unforgivable?
Is there someone you are blaming for your not having what you want in your life?
Do you tend to imagine worst-case scenarios and feel that things just don’t go your way in life?
Did you grow up around addicts or as the child of addicts?
Jen would like to forgive her mother and accept that her parents did the best they could.
Jen’s Key Insights and Ahas:
She didn’t get the love and attention she wanted as a child.
She wants closure with her mother who recently passed.
She feels broken.
She’s created the healthy family she always wanted.
She is keeping herself from fully appreciating and accepting the love of her current family.
She is using her past as a scapegoat.
As a child, she had low expectations so she wouldn’t be disappointed.
It wasn’t her job to save her parents.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
She shouldn’t identify with the victim role, and understand she received what she needed.
She should stop mimicking her mother’s behaviors.
She should do projection work and let the love that exists in her current life in.
She should have appreciation and have life-affirming and positive thoughts.
If there is someone you want to hear something from, some kind of forgiveness, write a letter to you from them. Write down all the things you wanted to hear from them and read it to yourself.
Do projection work. Look at judgments you have towards others and see how you may be doing it in your own life, externally or internally.
Be honest about the cost of holding onto a grudge and write down what it is keeping you from. Write down all the blessings you have in life and how you may be blinded to them because of the grudge.
Have positive expectations and use your imagination to consider the best-case scenario.
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