This episode is about suppressing feelings and being comfortable in our own skin. Today’s caller, Becca, could have been a millennial who was accustomed to instant gratification and unrealistic expectations when it came to working. But, that isn’t what she struggles with at all. I didn’t stereotype her or jump to conclusions, instead, I asked her what is the most challenging thing in her life.
It’s hard to get yourself motivated and inspired when there is no feeling associated with what you are doing. Often, we think something external is the problem but there is no external without the internal. When we don’t know how to process our feelings, we numb the pain and keep upping the numbing technique. It’s important to learn how to process our Expectation Hangovers, our old hurts, our old pains.
When a pattern of discomfort has become too comfortable we may just want to change our lives, but like in Becca’s case, this can lead to extreme behavior. And, if you are holding on to shame, release it. Get it out into the light. Shame comes with blame. It’s time to forgive yourself and to forgive the other person because holding on to anger and resentment is only hurting you.
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- Would you consider yourself a bit of an extremist?
Becca feels something is holding her back from being committed to her work.
Becca’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She is mimicking the patterns of her dad.
- She distracted herself with drugs and alcohol to deal with her parent’s divorce.
- She’s looking for quick fix.
- She feels ashamed of contracting an STD.
- She thinks of leaving her job when she needs a quick fix for a problem.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- She should forgive herself for distracting herself with partying.
- She should bring her best to the job she is in now.
- She can take responsibility for her choices without blaming herself.
- She can do the exercises in Expectation Hangover.
- If you are bored in your job or relationship examine if you have difficulty being present.
- Look at how some of your worst fears are already happening. Consider what you are going to do to change it.
- Bring your shame out of the shadows. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
- If you are bored in your work, or life, write a letter about everything that is wonderful about your situation. How can you bring more excitement from the inside out?
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