This episode is about taking the time to explore life and relationships. Today’s caller, Marley, is putting a lot of pressure on her current relationship. She future-forecasts instead of considering what the relationship may be able to teach her. We delve into how she can be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.

Often, we go into relationships wondering if the other person is the one, so much so that we miss out on what we can learn from the other person. It is important to let your early relationships be a discovery process and explore instead of collecting evidence about what may be wrong with the other person if they are THE one, or how to make every relationship the relationship of your dreams.

Every relationship is a growth opportunity. It is a misstep to base relationships on their longevity potential. Many times, we get into a relationship, and right out of the gate, we put pressure on it by wondering if the other person could be the one to marry or have children with instead of considering what the other person can teach us, what mirror they may be holding up, what parental patterns, wounds, or issues are they triggering? What could you be attracted to that is also a healing opportunity?

Enjoy where you are. Be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.

Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Byron Katie on  — Loving What Is.

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Consider/Ask Yourself

• When you are in a new relationship do you jump to — Is this the one? — and start to analyze it all out?
• Did you grow up in a home where there wasn’t a lot of emotional availability and you panic when you don’t have that in a partnership or friendship?
• Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure things out and not enough time creating and exploring and allowing things just to be?
• Are you more caught up in judging and changing someone else than looking at how you can meet your own needs?

Marley’s Question:

Marley is struggling with her ability to let little things go and accept her partner for where he is.

Marley’s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She is aware and open with her emotions.
• Her boyfriend may not understand himself emotionally.
• She is an old soul and emotionally mature.
• She is putting a lot of pressure on the relationship.
• She and her boyfriend had an intense connection immediately.
• There was inconsistency in her childhood.
• She believed she had to fix her family.
• She feels pressure to be in a relationship.
• Her boyfriend is committed to her.
• She feels intimidated by his commitment.
• She feels she is one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship at all times.
• She is collecting evidence against her boyfriend.
• She doesn’t feel heard or seen by her boyfriend at times.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Explore herself within her relationship.
• Stop overthinking, or overanalyzing her relationship.
• Be curious about her relationship instead of managing it.
• Communicate her needs in an empowered way.
• Approach her boyfriend from a vulnerable place.

Takeaways:

• Read or reread 20 Something, 20 Everything, and 20 Something Manifesto.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

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Tweetables:

Often, we go into relationships wondering if the other person is the one, so much so that we miss out on what we can learn from the other person. Click To Tweet When we start to date someone, so much of the future is uncertain. Click To Tweet Let your 20s be a discovery process. Explore your life and relationships to see what you can learn. Click To Tweet