Tag Archives: behavior

EP 109: Dealing with Difficult People with Melissa


EP109v1This episode is about how a compensatory strategy is an action. Today’s caller, Melissa, wants to know how to deal with difficult in-laws who are triggering her compensatory strategy.

A compensatory strategy is a behavior we adopt to feel safe, validated, and worthy. These strategies block us from seeing and being who we truly are, keeping us stuck.

Usually, we get stuck when we are attempting to do two things at once. Melissa was attempting to navigate standing up for herself AND she was attempting to keep her compensatory strategy in action. We can’t live in our truth and be in our compensatory strategies. She had competing intentions.

People who trigger you are your spiritual teachers. They are illuminating something for you to see. When you feel you are being triggered, look back at the events in your life that have led up to it.

You don’t need to justify or explain your truth. It’s time to start having boundaries and using your voice. Often, setting boundaries will upset the people you are setting boundaries with because they are used to you being a pushover. Setting boundaries is a self-honoring choice.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are there some difficult people in your life? Are you hurt by them when you just want them to like and understand you?
  • Are you a caretaker and want to make sure others are happy?
  • Is it hard for you to stick up for yourself and set boundaries?

 Melissa’s Question:

Melissa feels judged and criticized by her in-laws and wants to know how to move past it.

 Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels surrounded by people who are trying to bring her down.
  • She looks to others for validation.
  • She’s a caretaker.
  • She hasn’t set boundaries with her husband’s family.
  • She feels she needs to keep people happy to keep them around.

 How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself how she can grow and heal, not how should she fix herself.
  • Get her emotions out by using the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum techniques in Expectation Hangover.
  • She should take a long, compassionate, loving look at herself.
  • She should start being an example to her daughters and create boundaries.
  • She should look at which beliefs she holds that make her feel more valuable when she fits in.
  • She should take the Mastery Course.


  • Join the free Master Class and sign up for the Mastery Course.
  • Remember the people who trigger you the most are your spiritual teachers. Look at the learning opportunity they offer you.
  • Have boundaries. If you are not good with replying in the moment, write some thoughts down and practice saying them.
  • If you are a people pleaser, listen to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck with a Free 30-day trial from Audible.


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Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

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EP 32: Getting Over Moodiness

ep 32 v2Do you exhibit a type of behavior or personality trait you don’t necessarily love about yourself? It could be moodiness or it could be being extremely judgemental or it could be an emotional state you have a tendency to default to like sadness, worry, anger or fear.

Women often have a difficult time dealing with anger because we have not been encouraged to express it. We may default to sadness which limits us from reaching our passion and our fire. We suppress our emotions and any big emotion we suppress will eventually leak. Anger becomes irritability, sadness becomes depression and shame comes out as insecurity. Suppressed emotions can also lead to physical ailments. It is not healthy to suppress our emotions.

Today’s caller Monica acknowledges her own moodiness and is wondering if it is something she can change or if it’s a fixed personality trait. She suppresses her anger and doesn’t speak her truth.

If there is something about you that does not feel good to you, like moodiness, you can change it. You just need to uncover why it’s there in the first place. Moodiness can be a messenger that you may be suppressing pent up anger and frustration. It is liberating to express your anger and be free of the moodiness.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something about you that you would like to change? Is it an inherent part of your personality or do you believe you can change it? Are you willing to do the work to change it?
  • Do you experience times when you are irritable or snap at someone? How do you express your anger?
  • Do you feel self-expressed? Do you fully feel your feelings?

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Monica’s Question:

Monica recognizes she is a moody person and would like to know if she is able to shift out of it or if it is part of her personality.

Monica’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • Her moodiness stems from suppressing her anger
  • When she speaks her truth she feels shut down
  • She has trouble expressing herself
  • She doesn’t like conflict
  • She becomes the victim, as a coping strategy

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Realize her irritability and bluntness are actually inner anger leaking out
  • She should do the Temper Tantrum technique and 32 days of the Release Writing technique, which are in her copy of Expectation Hangover
  • She should step away from the conversation and get her anger out, on her own

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Identify the ways you may be leaking. Know where you are suppressing and how you may be expressing it in other ways.
  • If you sense you may have anger you have yet to acknowledge, start Release Writing.
  • Work through the emotional section of Expectation Hangover, in particular, the Adult Temper Tantrum and Release Writing techniques.
  • Speak your truth and process your raw feelings to eliminate suppression.


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Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram


Did you know your moodiness may be caused by anger you are suppressing?
When we suppress our emotions they can leak out as irritability, judgment or moodiness.
Women may have a harder time expressing anger because they have not been encouraged to express it.

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