EP109v1This episode is about how a compensatory strategy is an action. Today’s caller, Melissa, wants to know how to deal with difficult in-laws who are triggering her compensatory strategy.

A compensatory strategy is a behavior we adopt to feel safe, validated, and worthy. These strategies block us from seeing and being who we truly are, keeping us stuck.

Usually, we get stuck when we are attempting to do two things at once. Melissa was attempting to navigate standing up for herself AND she was attempting to keep her compensatory strategy in action. We can’t live in our truth and be in our compensatory strategies. She had competing intentions.

People who trigger you are your spiritual teachers. They are illuminating something for you to see. When you feel you are being triggered, look back at the events in your life that have led up to it.

You don’t need to justify or explain your truth. It’s time to start having boundaries and using your voice. Often, setting boundaries will upset the people you are setting boundaries with because they are used to you being a pushover. Setting boundaries is a self-honoring choice.

Today, October 11, 2018, don’t miss my free No Regrets Master Class. You need a strategy to turn your remove your internal blocks and turn your struggles into your superpowers.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are there some difficult people in your life? Are you hurt by them when you just want them to like and understand you?
  • Are you a caretaker and want to make sure others are happy?
  • Is it hard for you to stick up for yourself and set boundaries?

 Melissa’s Question:

Melissa feels judged and criticized by her in-laws and wants to know how to move past it.

 Melissa’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels surrounded by people who are trying to bring her down.
  • She looks to others for validation.
  • She’s a caretaker.
  • She hasn’t set boundaries with her husband’s family.
  • She feels she needs to keep people happy to keep them around.

 How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself how she can grow and heal, not how should she fix herself.
  • Get her emotions out by using the Release Writing or Temper Tantrum techniques in Expectation Hangover.
  • She should take a long, compassionate, loving look at herself.
  • She should start being an example to her daughters and create boundaries.
  • She should look at which beliefs she holds that make her feel more valuable when she fits in.
  • She should take the Mastery Course.


  • Join the free Master Class and sign up for the Mastery Course.
  • Remember the people who trigger you the most are your spiritual teachers. Look at the learning opportunity they offer you.
  • Have boundaries. If you are not good with replying in the moment, write some thoughts down and practice saying them.
  • If you are a people pleaser, listen to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck with a Free 30-day trial from Audible.


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Christine Hassler

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