Tag Archives: blame

The Beauty in Breakups, Blame and Betrayal . . .

Breakups of any kind are perhaps one of the most challenging things we go through. There is so much that gets triggered that sometimes it feels like we will never get to the other side of it. And if there was infidelity or betrayal of any kind, oh boy can the gap between devastation and acceptance feel even wider!

But like any Expectation Hangover, there is beauty in all breakups.

Of course, we have to feel and heal the emotions that are natural to feel during the loss of a relationship without indulging in them. Then there comes a point where we must ask: “What am I learning?” and “What was my part in this?” As we ask those questions, we unlock something that is critical to our growth and healing.

When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for our 50% of the relationship. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept that we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

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EP 57: Letting Go of Blame After a Breakup with Emma

EP57v1Today’s caller, Emma, is seeking guidance after a breakup. She would like to move forward with building her business but finds herself battling with self-doubt and procrastination. Emma is taking ownership of the issue and has a high-level of self-awareness about it, but she needs to uncover what is holding her back.

When we ask ourselves the question “what am I learning from this situation?” instead of “why did it happen to me?” we unlock something which is critical to our growth and healing. When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for the 50% which is our part. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

In future relationships, Emma has the opportunity to be more intimate. She was playing out the same patterns of withholding and people pleasing in her business, as she did in her marriage. Instead of being vulnerable she felt ashamed of sharing what was really going on in her life.

People crave intimacy. Especially those who love us, care about us or want to get to know us. They want to feel like they are getting the real person. It’s hard to love someone who is wearing a mask or people pleasing all the time because we never know how they really feel.

If you withhold of yourself through people pleasing, perfection or because you don’t trust people, it is time to examine that aspect of yourself. Emotional suppression holds energy back. Forgiveness can only begin after we bring acceptance and compassion to our feelings.

We are unique but in many ways we are similar. We also have core pains and patterns that hold us back and once we move and shift those, we can move the needle in other parts of our lives. I address core pains and patterns in my Over It and On With It Mastery Course.

My personal mastery coaching course, Over It and On With It, is now open for registration until October 20th. The 6-week course includes a 90-minute call every other week, worksheets, guided meditations and more. This course is the best of my spiritual practices and practical tips. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to register. Allow me to give you the support you need.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator?
  • Have you gone through a breakup and blame yourself or the other person?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
  • Is intimacy challenging for you?
  • Would you like to teach your children something you wish you had learned as a child?

Emma’s Question:

Emma would like strategies on how to move forward after her breakup.

Emma’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels as if she wasn’t enough in her relationship.
  • She is a people pleaser.
  • She doesn’t trust herself.
  • She suppresses her emotions.
  • She did the best she could with the tools she had at the time.
  • She punishes herself for going after what she wants.
  • She needs to get eliminate the belief she needs to be perfect to teach forgiveness.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to welcome the emotional aspect of her feelings.
  • She should do forgiveness work around her self-blame.
  • She should be compassionate towards herself to move into acceptance.
  • She can empower her children with the tools she didn’t have.
  • She needs to believe she deserves her dreams.
  • She should create a meditation course for others to help herself heal.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Write a letter to yourself or another person without sending it. It will help move the energy so it can be healed.
  • Take a look at your life and see where you are withholding, not being honest, or people pleasing, and channel the energy to create something fun.
  • Empower your children with the tools and knowledge you wish you would have had.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
How to Make Change Happen and stick! FREE Webinar Valid until 10-20-2016
Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Coaching Course
Expectation Hangover
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
@chrishassler on Snapchat
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

You can empower your children the tools you didn’t have. Work through Expectation Hangover with them.… Click To Tweet
Guilt takes up a lot of energetic real estate. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
The original definition of passion is suffering. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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