EP 197: Why You Neglect Your Own Self-Care with Joanne

This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session is with Joanne whose self-nurturing practices and self-care have gone out the window. She thinks maybe it’s because she is a new mom but it goes much deeper than that. This call is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love.

Almost every human being struggles with love. At some point or another, we had our heart broken or we didn’t get our needs met in the way we needed to. We didn’t feel loved or felt love was conditional. We thought we had to earn love or we didn’t feel safe. There are so many ways our hearts get broken and because of that, we move farther away from self-love.

Self-love begins with reparenting ourselves; giving ourselves the love, the care, the attention, the safety and the nurturing that perhaps we didn’t get as children. Or perhaps we did get but for some reason or another, we don’t give it to ourselves.

What shifts people’s lives the most is when they heal the wounds, forgive themselves and others, and start to give themselves the love and acceptance they truly deserve.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself?
  • How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself?
  • How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself?
  • When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other ‘to-dos’ take priority?

Joanne’s Question:

Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care.

Joanne’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She’s aware of how important self-care is.
  • She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby.
  • She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up.
  • She wanted love, attention, and acceptance from her mother.
  • She broke generational patterns.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child.
  • She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is.
  • She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way.


  • Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out.
  • Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents.
  • If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook.
  • Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t.


Christine Hassler

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Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat

University of Santa Monica


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