EP 343: Stop Working on Yourself So Hard and Start Having Fun with Vicky

This episode is about giving yourself permission to have fun. Today’s caller, Vicky, hasn’t had fun in over a decade. She wants to but fears others will judge her for it. We work through what created the fear and how she can give herself a permission slip to express herself in joy without worrying about what others will think.

Often, what we are projecting when we feel people are judging us is that we are judging ourselves. We need to challenge ourselves and say — so what? — if we are judged. What is the worst thing that can happen?

As a child, it can be scary. We can feel ostracized from school, we can feel like we are not getting our parents’ love but as adults, if someone judges us we can let it be OK. It is one of the great things about being an adult. We can handle judgment differently. We choose how we react.

If we do get devastated by someone else’s judgment, it means our inner child is being triggered. If that happens we have to parent our inner child and give them permission to have fun.

If it has been a week since you have had fun, it’s time to have some. We can’t be serious all the time, especially when there is so much stress, uncertainty, and heaviness. Fun, joy, and play are important. No matter how old we get, we cannot forget to play.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Have you just been working on yourself but haven’t had fun in a long time?
  • Are you afraid to be expressive or fun because you are concerned you might be judged?
  • Do you fall into the trap of not wanting to pursue things because you feel you must be perfect before you can do it?
  • How often do you let your inner child come out and play?

Vicky’s Question:

Vicky has done a ton of personal development work but still doesn’t authentically feel as if she has connected to joy.

Vicky’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She is frustrated that she still doesn’t feel connected.
  • She hasn’t had a lot of fun since her 20s.
  • She wants to experience joy.
  • She feels she has to work hard.
  • She fantasizes about being goofy.
  • She is afraid of judgment.
  • She is a life coach but doesn’t feel she deserves the title.
  • Her parents fought a lot in front of her.
  • She felt pressured to keep the peace in her childhood family home.
  • She doesn’t feel safe or seen.
  • She didn’t get to have enough fun as a child.
  • She gets caught up in “should be.”

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Be present, curious, and explorative in the moment.
  • Ask herself what she could do to make herself feel safe and seen.
  • Lean into being goofy and having fun.
  • Choose how she wants to respond when she feels not enough.


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When people judge us, it is their stuff, not ours. Click To Tweet If we feel devastated by someone else’s judgment, it means our inner child is being triggered. Click To Tweet No matter how old we get, we cannot forget to play. Click To Tweet

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