EP 348: What if What You Think You Are Angry About Is Actually Not What You’re Angry About? With Rose

This emotional episode is about getting to the root of anger to be able to release it. Today’s caller, Rose, has a deep-seated rage she directs toward her sister. But as we work through in the coaching call, she chose her sister, who poses less of a threat, to release her rage upon instead of the real person she is enraged with, her father.

Whenever our reaction doesn’t match with the circumstance, it means there is something else going on. Oftentimes, we have rage or anger just by being a human being on the planet, and we direct it at certain people or we become obsessive about certain people.

The thing about anger is that it needs an exit route. It is a huge energetic wave and it needs a way to get out. Anger can leak out as irritability, addiction, aggression at other people or just being angry at ourselves. We spend so much energy keeping anger inside that we can get depressed or we might just direct it at someone who is an easy scapegoat but isn’t actually the person we are enraged about.

Go to ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease to get my Anger Release Program.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Do you have a sibling or family member you are mad at and you can’t shake it no matter how much work you do?
  • Do you struggle with jealousy, envy, or wish you could have had someone else’s life?
  • Did you have a parent you were loyal to but as an adult, you question why you were so loyal?
  • Do you have a hard time expressing your rage?

Rose’s Question:

Rose struggles with her anger toward her sister and would like guidance on how to shift her feelings.

Rose’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She formed an unhealthy alliance against her younger sister with her father.
  • She loves her sister but feels deep rage toward her.
  • She has done a lot of work around the issue.
  • She has always felt mad at her sister and has taken her frustrations out on her.
  • She didn’t feel seen or appreciated as a child.
  • She feels her sister takes her oxygen when they are in the same room.
  • She feels her mom blames her for how she treats her sister.
  • Her father was explosive.
  • She swallows her rage.
  • She gets enraged by her sister’s bigness and how strong she is.
  • Her anger makes her feel darkly powerful, righteous, and justified.
  • She feels it is not OK to be herself.
  • She is really mad at her father for making her feel small as a child.
  • Her father was fragile and was inappropriate toward her.
  • Her father made her feel ashamed for growing into her womanhood.
  • Her father took his life.
  • She realizes she transferred her anger toward her dad onto her sister.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Get the rage and anger out through an Anger Release exercise or by writing F-U letters she doesn’t send.
  • Fully accept herself for who she is.
  • Not be afraid of her rage because it is where her passion lives.
  • Stay focused on who she is mad at to get to grief and then forgiveness.


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Sometimes we choose safer people to direct our anger toward than the people we are really mad at. Click To Tweet We form disorganized attachments to people who are a source of pain but also a comfort to us. Click To Tweet Anger is an immense energetic wave that needs an exit route. Click To Tweet

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