EP 414: How to Get Clarity on Whether a Relationship Is Right with Lucy

This coaching call is about how patience and compassion without clarity can lead to resentment. Today’s caller, Lucy, doesn’t feel like a priority in her partner’s life. She asks for guidance on whether the relationship is right for her or if there are too many red flags. Christine shares some skills that can help Lucy get what she wants from her relationship.

Consciousness isn’t just about talking about our wounding or holding space for someone when they cry. It’s about taking action that’s in integrity and alignment with who we say we are.

When we have a lot of emotional vulnerability or sexual intimacy and vulnerability with a man, we can mistake it for being in a conscious relationship. If you are in a dynamic where you’re having a lot of emotional intimacy, but you don’t have the consistency or the feeling of safety, it’s not as conscious as you may think. What do you need to do to make a relationship more conscious? Bring accountability, responsibility, and agreements into it.

Consciousness is an aspect of sacred union, and in sacred union, there’s a masculine and feminine. There is the being and the doing. We can’t just swim around in the feminine being of vulnerability, processing, and emotional intimacy without the masculine of doing, showing up, and having structure. We need both, otherwise, our inner child doesn’t feel safe.My upcoming Signature Retreat is for women who are ready to let go of their limiting beliefs. For a nurturing self-care experience, join like-minded women from October 13‒15 in San Diego, CA. To apply for a partial scholarship go to ChristineHassler.com/scholarship.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a relationship, whether it will be romantic or otherwise, that you’re doubting or you don’t have clarity about?
  • Are you someone who has trouble asking for what you need so you ask for it in a vague, safe way?
  • Do you not feel like a priority in a relationship, or as a child?
  • Are you doubting yourself? Are you feeling some nudges and doubts about something but you’re doubting your doubts?

Lucy’s Question:

Lucy feels stuck when trying to discern the difference between what is a red flag and what is her intuition in a new relationship.

Lucy’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels that this new relationship is her first adult relationship.
  • She has a hard time trusting herself.
  • Her mother didn’t trust her.
  • She and her partner are in the process of defining their relationship.
  • She wants to know if the relationship is right for her.
  • She doesn’t feel like a priority to her partner.
  • She appreciates certainty and consistency.
  • Her partner has full custody of his two children.
  • Her partner doesn’t make plans with her but asks for dates with little notice.
  • As a child, she longed for her mother’s attention.
  • She is still learning about herself and her patterns in relationship.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Propose a schedule to her partner and re-negotiate if needed.
  • Get specific about what she needs from the relationship.


  • Where do you need to have more masculine energy in your relationships?
  • Where do you need to make clear agreements so you can feel safe?


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The only way we get clarity in relationship is by asking for what we need in a clear way. Click To Tweet In relationships, too much patience and compassion without clear agreements and boundaries leads to resentment. Click To Tweet We can get seduced by emotional vulnerability but forget about actions, consistency, and accountability. Click To Tweet

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