EP 424: Reframing How We Perceive a Change with Lori

This coaching call is about reframing a situation to help make a change. Today’s caller, Lori, is settling and staying in a situation that isn’t what she wants, deserves, or values, out of fear of making a change. Christine offers guidance about how she can raise the bar, work through old patterns, and have the life she deserves.

Part of breaking a pattern and stepping into worthiness is not perceiving something as uprooting, or upheaval but as raising the bar of what we will tolerate in life.

As children, we didn’t have the choice to choose for ourselves. So, trauma sits in our nervous system because we were never allowed to feel our feelings in a safe and compassionate way. The trauma is never expressed so it gets locked in and begins to form a pattern. We can’t heal something till it’s in our face and we can give ourselves the love, compassion, patience, and support that we didn’t have as a child.

Breaking a pattern isn’t just about making a change, it is about how we are with ourselves while we are making the change. The best way to learn and change a pattern is when we are smack dab in the middle of it but with a coach, or someone to help us break the pattern.

If you are in a situation where you are settling and you want to make a change and it seems daunting, reframe how you are looking at the situation. If you see the situation as Mt. Everest, it will seem like it is hard to overcome. But, look at the issue as a way to increase your life satisfaction, rather than settling for a life that is based on your patterning. It may be difficult to make the change, but perceptions and beliefs about anything dramatically influence how we experience it.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a situation that isn’t ideal, maybe even unhealthy, but the devil you know is worse than the one you don’t?
  • When it comes to relationships, do you have trouble speaking your voice?
  • When it comes to making a change do you generally feel that it’s going to be hard and have trouble getting motivated or inspired to make the change?
  • Do you see yourself as a failure and shame yourself because things haven’t worked out and you compare yourself to other people who you deem or judge as successful?

Lori’s Question:

Lori recently discovered her partner was sending flirty messages to another woman and is unsure what to do about it.

Lori’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She recently bought a house with her partner of two years.
  • She found flirty text messages on her partner’s phone to another woman.
  • Her intuition is sending her messages.
  • She has trouble finding her voice to confront him about the texts.
  • Her partner was defensive and didn’t really acknowledge her pain.
  • It drains her to think about dismantling the relationship.
  • She feels like a failure.
  • She compares herself to others.
  • She doesn’t want to be in the relationship any longer.
  • She fears uprooting her life.
  • She doesn’t feel safe communicating in her relationship.
  • She doesn’t have compassion for her inner child when she sees herself as a failure.
  • She has an abandonment wound.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Know she doesn’t have to do it alone. Speak with a coach or therapist.
  • Be gentle and compassionate with herself while she goes through the process of changing her patterns.
  • Recognize she is healing a deep father wound.
  • Raise the bar on what she is able to accept for herself.


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Never stay in a dishonest relationship out of shame or fear. Share on X In some ways, emotional affairs are just as bad as having sex with a stranger. Share on X Breaking a pattern isn’t just about making a change, it’s how we are with ourselves while we are making the change. Share on X

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