EP 425: How to Know if Something in a Relationship is a Dealbreaker with Sammie

This coaching call is about understanding the reason we may be doubting a relationship. Today’s caller, Sammie, has doubts about her relationship and is wondering if she should stay in it. Christine guides her to change her perception and look at the situation differently.

There are many people who would be better off by leaving relationships or situations, but they decide to stay. They only stick around because the devil they know is often better than the devil they don’t. They feel there is no risk in staying in the relationship because it is familiar.

Then, there are those who probably “should” hang in there a while longer, or stick it out to see what happens, but they run sooner.

We need to work on switching those things around so that when we know something is toxic or not for us, we can make a conscious decision to leave. Or, when we are not totally sure, we see some great things about a relationship, but there is also a part of us that wants to run because the intimacy feels scary. But that is the point in a relationship when it could offer us great learning and healing if we could just stick it out.

Is your pattern to stick it out too long or to run too soon? If you are sticking it out too long, maybe it is time to go. If you are running too soon, maybe it is time to stay. Be honest with yourself when you are looking for a reason to get out of a relationship.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you in a situation, relationship, or friendship, and you are questioning whether you are in it for the “right” reasons?
  • Are you in a friendship or relationship and think you should end it because you don’t want to lead the person on or you don’t want to hurt feelings?
  • Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style? Are you the person in a relationship that when it gets too intimate or too close, you start to pull back?
  • Do you have a deep insecurity about something in your life and think you have to settle because of it?

Sammie’s Question:

Sammie questions if her current relationship is right for her based on her boyfriend’s physical disability.

Sammie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels safe in her current relationship and believes it is a healthy one.
  • She questions how her boyfriend’s spinal cord injury will impact their future together.
  • She is unsure if the relationship will lead her into a caretaker role.
  • She does not have prior experience to guide her through her uncertainty.
  • She is hopeful about the future of the relationship.
  • She admires the relationship her boyfriend has with his ex.
  • She joined a support group for people in relationships with people who have spinal cord injuries.
  • She is asking legitimate questions.
  • She becomes critical in relationships.
  • She has never had a relationship with this level of stability.
  • She doesn’t believe she could have attracted someone so healthy.
  • She has a fearful-avoidant attachment style.
  • She is insecure about where she is in her life.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Be 100% honest with her boyfriend.
  • Practice self-acceptance.
  • Lean into the invitation to love and intimacy.


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Being in a place where we realize someone else truly accepts us can open our hearts so we can accept ourselves. Share on X Be honest with yourself when looking for a reason to get out of a relationship. Share on X Is your pattern to stick it out in relationships too long or to run too soon? Share on X

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