EP 429: How to Break the Cycle of Engaging with Narcissists with Behnaz

This coaching call is about breaking the cycle of being in unhealthy relationships, specifically with emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people. Today’s caller, Behnaz, feels guilty, exhausted, and angry when dealing with her family and longs for deeper connections. She asks Christine for guidance on how to break the cycle and release her anger.

We all have encountered someone with either narcissism or at least narcissistic tendencies, emotional unavailability, and gaslighting. It can be a frustrating and maddening place to be. It almost makes us feel crazy because we feel we are not being heard, we are not being seen, and it is frustrating.

Why empaths are so attracted to narcissists is because, on a subconscious level, we see that they don’t have access to love. We can feel it. We think our love will somehow awaken the love in them but it just doesn’t work that way. We just end up giving away our power, and our heart, and we end up collapsing our boundaries.

It can be hard when we are a loving person, and we have a pattern of engaging with people who are not in touch with the love inside themselves. It’s exhausting.

If you know you have been gaslit before, be aware that you may either shut down completely and not talk at all or go into over-talking and over-explaining. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s just a natural reaction to being gaslit. Part of healing from being gaslit is finding our authentic self-expression, not coming from justification or defending, knowing exactly what we need to say and how much we need to say.

On some level, some of us do sign up to be generational pattern breakers. It’s the only way the consciousness of the planet evolves.

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Behnaz’s Question:

Behnaz’s self-esteem is not where she wants it to be and she struggles to find her voice around narcissists. She wants guidance on how to release her anger and break the pattern.

Behnaz’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Adults gaslit her when she was a child.
  • She holds back her thoughts around narcissists.
  • She feels she has boundaries.
  • She has internalized anger she is unable to express.
  • She is exhausted.
  • She speaks up for herself but is resentful when nothing changes.
  • She tries to connect with emotionally unavailable people.
  • She wanted a deeper connection with her parents.
  • She yearns to love and connect with people.
  • Her soul signed up to be a generational pattern breaker.
  • She feels guilty about cutting off a relationship with her aunt.
  • She is a joyful person.
  • She is creating a family of friends.
  • She feels alone.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Grieve the relationship she didn’t have with her family.
  • Accept that she chose her family to learn through contrast.
  • Get in touch with her anger.
  • Accept that she cannot change anyone.
  • Know it is OK to step away from unhealthy relationships.
  • Honor who she is and come into alignment with it.


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Empaths are attracted to narcissists because, on a subconscious level, we see that they don’t have access to love. We think that our love will somehow awaken the love in them. Click To Tweet When we are gaslit a lot, we tend to have a pattern of over-explaining and over-justifying. Click To Tweet We all buy into this thing about family that we owe them something just because we share DNA. Click To Tweet

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