EP 433: Healing the Sister Wound with Mariella

This coaching call is about letting go of wanting to be right and healing a sister wound. As a teenager, today’s caller, Mariella, idealized her older sister but didn’t agree with her relationship choices. She feels her concern fell on deaf ears. She is asking for guidance on how to let go of her need to be right and to be happy with her sister.

In communications with others, we need to be honest with ourselves about whether we are sharing our feelings or just sharing our opinions. If we want vulnerable, healthy, authentic connections with people, use “I” language and share feelings rather than opinions. Because other people’s lives are none of our business. We can have multiple opinions about the lives of others but they don’t matter.

Also, be honest with yourself about how often you want to be right. What do you get from being right? We can have a difference of opinion with others and not push the point without letting people walk all over us. An argument just to prove we are right is not worth the energetic real estate it takes to wait for our position to be validated.

We can take 100% responsibility for our lives without being in other people’s business. We can either let go of our past by processing and accepting it, or we continue to live with it in our present.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is there something that happened and you are waiting for someone to tell you that you are right?
  • Have you been hurt or have you had an expectation hangover regarding your sister or a female friend?
  • Are you someone who feels that you give more in relationships than you receive?

Mariella’s Question:

Mariella would like to feel validated by her sister and let down the wall she has up when it comes to her sister’s happiness.

Mariella’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She felt her sister’s ex wasn’t good for her sister when she was young.
  • She felt her sister chose her ex over her.
  • She felt her sister didn’t listen to her or take her views seriously.
  • She was 13. Her sister was 18.
  • She is waiting for her sister to tell her she was right.
  • She finds it difficult to be happy for her sister.
  • Her sister is going to remarry.
  • She wants what is best for her sister.
  • She feels a responsibility to keep the family in order.
  • She is happily married.
  • She feels that her feelings don’t matter.
  • She is disappointed that her sister doesn’t fit into her idea of who she should be.
  • She has difficulty coming to terms with who her sister is.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Tell her inner child what she needs to hear without expecting her sister to do it.
  • Realize her sister’s life is not her business.
  • Accept her sister for who she is.
  • Be happy with her sister, not for her.
  • Grieve and accept that she will never receive validation from her sister.


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Instead of being happy for someone, be happy with them. Click To Tweet Other people’s lives are none of our business. Click To Tweet You either let go of your past by processing it and accepting it or you continue to live with it in your present. Click To Tweet

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