EP 434: How to Create More Romance in Your Relationship with Joey

This coaching call is about doing the work and not expecting a partner to bring the romance to you. Today’s caller, Joey, is yearning for more romance and intimacy in her marriage but her fear of abandonment may be holding her back from deeper intimacy. Christine offers guidance on how Joey can accept her partner for who he is and create more romance in her relationship.

We all can relate to that initial stage of a relationship where it’s hot and heavy and you can’t get enough of each other, and then it’s ten years later. How do you sustain that? You can’t. You cannot sustain the initial hormonal rush that happens when you first get together with someone. But, what you can do is grow your passion.

When you initially meet someone, even if it’s your soulmate and fireworks go off, the kind of intimacy you have with someone after you have known them for five, ten, or twenty years is much deeper. And, unfortunately, it cannot be so HOT sometimes because you know someone a little too well. However, if you can reframe how you see it, it can be a turn-on.

Connect to your partner in a way that lights them up instead of expecting them to romance you and seduce you the way you think they should do it. Let that build the passion. Because when you are constantly on someone to be more romantic, passionate, and emotionally available, it is not a turn-on for them.

When you take an interest in what your partner loves, it pays emotional and sensual dividends.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you someone who wants more romance and passion in your relationship?
  • Do you want more emotional intimacy in your relationship?
  • Have abandonment wounds made you more avoidant in relationships?
  • Are you willing to accept your partner for who they are and see that as the most romantic thing you could ever do?

Joey’s Question:

Joey would like guidance on how to create emotional availability and intimacy in her marriage.

Joey’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She and her husband do conscious healing work.
  • She has abandonment wounds from childhood.
  • She left her corporate work and is becoming a coach.
  • She is not sure if it is her emotional unavailability, or her husband’s, creating intimacy issues.
  • She wants romance and passion from her husband.
  • She has been married for ten years.
  • She sets the bar for romance high because of her abandonment wounds.
  • She may be overlooking when her husband sends intimate signals.
  • She finds fault and resentment in her husband when he doesn’t meet her expectations.
  • She creates fantasy relationships with other men in her head.
  • She is vague when asking for what she wants.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • Accept her partner for who he is and stop projecting on him.
  • Reframe how she looks at passion, romance, and intimacy.
  • Acknowledge, nourish, and encourage her husband when he does romantic or sensual things.
  • Make space outside of her relationship to ensure intimacy lines don’t get blurred.
  • Remind herself that what she truly craves is consistency and stability.
  • Be clear about what she wants.


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When we have a fear of abandonment, the bar we set for someone is really high because there is a part of us that is always waiting to be hurt. Click To Tweet The biggest thing that leads to passion, romance, and intimacy in a relationship is accepting your partner for who they are. Click To Tweet One of the things that kills passion in a relationship is when either, or both, partners are in survival strategies because it shuts down their hearts. Click To Tweet

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