Our parents are the first people we love and look to for guidance and support. They are our first teachers, even if one or both was absent from our lives. They not only teach us how to walk and talk, they also teach us what to believe. Our beliefs about money, God, other people, what it takes to be successful, ourselves, and how the world works, originate from what we saw and heard in our own home. Everything they said or did got stored somewhere in our memory. We yearned for their love, approval and attention.
Needless to say, our parents have a significant impact on our lives. And how they parented us impacts how we parent ourselves today. Many of our core wounds come from things that happened at home. A parent who was critical. A parent who left. A parent who was an addict. A parent who was abusive. A parent who was smothering. A parent who had incredibly high expectations. A parent who was emotionally unavailable.
I could go on and on. But I won’t because this blog is not about blaming our parents. It is about taking responsibility for our own lives once and for all.
You have my compassion if you had a parent or parents who you did not feel loved by, seen by, safe with, or acknowledged by. I really get that is a huge challenge to overcome, but you can overcome it.
The first step is to move into 100% acceptance of the parents you had. Let go of any attachment to wanting them to be different in anyway. Let go of any expectation that someday you may get the love from them you desire.
I realize this may sound crazy, but your parents did the best they could. Really they did. They are just humans. They had their own past and their own parents who impacted how they parented you. You did not come with a manual. Your parents did not have the tools and resources that are available today.
They most likely had their own inner demons that impacted how they showed up for you. The problem is that you took their pain personally. You thought you did something wrong or were unlovable in some way and that is why your parent(s) did not love you the way you wanted. And that huge misunderstanding is the reason why you struggle with self-love, worth, confidence and fulfillment today.
This struggle can stop once you truly understand that you did NOTHING wrong. You are 100% lovable and worthy of love. You are enough just as you are. There is nothing you need to do to earn love. You are safe.
You must STOP looking to your parents either with blame or with the desire for them to change. It is time to take back your power. It is time to stop being a victim of your circumstances. It is time to stop allowing your past to create your future and present.
How do you do that?
You become the parent to yourself that you did not have. You accept their role in your life and all the lessons you learned. You set boundaries with your parents. You let go of all expectations of them and create your soul family.
I realize this many not seem like an easy or simple thing to do so I have two recent podcast issues that will help:
Listen in as I coach Marie and Amy into their own self-love, power, and acceptance. Even if you feel you had amazing parents, there are some incredible take-away’s in these episodes.
Remember: Your parents did the best they could. They did not mess you up. They are the perfect teachers for the things you are here to learn in this lifetime. Forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean you condone their behavior, it means you let go of the judgment and blame so YOU can be free.
p.s. I am headed back to Australia!! On April 14-15th I am teaching a workshop for coaches, therapists, personal trainers, and anyone who wants to build a business in the personal growth field. It is with Primal Health Coach but open to ALL fields. Limited spacing so go here to register. If you are not interested in this training, but are interested in a one day women’s retreat I am doing or one-on-one sessions with me, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
p.p.s. There is opportunity to receive FREE LIVE coaching from me. On Friday, March 23rd I will be video taping a coaching program in San Diego and there will be 6 spaces available to coach people LIVE ON THE AIR. If you live in the local area (or want to come to San Diego) and would like to be part of this program, please email email@example.com ASAP. Please title the email LIVE COACHING PLEASE and then in the body of the email share your name, age, location and question or topic of coaching you would like support in.
Note: This will be video recorded and shared with other coaches so they can learn how to support clients.