Tag Archives: break-up

EP 99: Letting Go of an Ex with Michelle


This episode is about making self-serving decisions. I coach today’s caller, Michelle, through a decision about her long-term relationship. As you can hear in the call, Michelle intuitively knows what she should do, but she needs to be empowered so she can take action.

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered. We feel most empowered when we arrive at our own answers. During the session, I reflected back to Michelle, and I asked her a lot of questions so she could get to her own answers.

Michelle was invested in saving her husband, but was it more about him or her? Her intentions were pure, but she was outsourcing her self-worth by trying to save him. There was a limiting belief that if she saves or heals him it gives her value.

It’s important to unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior. Go back and listen to my after-the-call breakdown of Episode #97 with Trinette for my explanation of what codependency is.

All of us struggle, at one point, with a breakup, a challenging relationship, or lack of a relationship. Our struggles are often a catalyst to dive into personal growth work. We all want love and we all desire healthy, fulfilling relationships.

This is why I designed a special course, Get Over Your Breakup & On with Love. It includes all of my best stuff when it comes to love and relationships. It is for anyone who is looking to get over a hurt and step into self-love and a loving relationship. Over and On With It Podcast listeners get $100 off the course until Sept. 1st. Simply use the promo code: PODCAST.

Also, thanks to those of you who signed up for my Summer of Love Challenge. There are more Challenges coming, so sign up to get a daily email about spreading and sharing love, from me. Plus, when you sign up you become eligible to get 6-months free in my Inner Circle Membership Community.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you still hanging on to an ex, either emotionally or physically, even though you know it’s unhealthy to still be engaged?
  • Do you love taking care of others? Is part of your identity to help others or save others?
  • When it comes to self-love, are you good at taking outward actions, but maybe not so good at the internal compassion?
  • Are you more concerned about someone else’s feelings than your own?

Michelle’s Question:

Michelle wants to know if she should stay in her current long-term relationship.

Michelle’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She grew up in an environment of physical and verbal abuse.
  • Her husband is verbally abusive to her and her children.
  • She doesn’t focus on herself.
  • Her 15-year-old daughter wants her to get a divorce.
  • She’s afraid to make the wrong decision.
  • She recognizes she needs to change her life and to give her kids a different environment.
  • She’s known what to do but needed validation to move forward.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to make a decision to break patterns and to change things.
  • She needs to start documenting abuse.
  • She needs to stop beating herself up and practice self-love and self-care.
  • She needs to believe in herself and give herself positive encouragement.


  • Check out my “Get Over a Breakup and On” with Love course.
  • Make a list of your healthy agreements in relationships.
  • Make a list of all the things you are good at doing for other people, and then do them for yourself.


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Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler Podcasts

Inner Circle Membership Community

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram


Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life,
by Christine Hassler

The Spouse House


Podcast listeners get a special discount when signing up for my “Get Over Your Breakup and On… Click To Tweet

People feel most confident to make a decision or choice when they feel empowered.http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet

Unhook yourself from the role of caretaker or savior, and give yourself what you give to… Click To Tweet


EP 69: Get Over the Pain From a Breakup and Get to the Lessons with Jackie

EP69v2Today’s episode is about breakups. I coach Jackie through what she calls an earth shattering, heartbreaking breakup, but the lessons that surface during the call can be applied to any type of Expectation Hangover.

After a breakup, our hearts hurt, we feel grief, and we miss the person we ended the relationship with. The way to get out of grief is not to obsess over your ex, beat yourself up, or go out looking for someone else. The way through the grief is to milk it for all it’s worth, and to see what it is bringing up for you to heal.

In Jackie’s case, her breakup is an opportunity to reframe old beliefs she had around betrayal. She continued to collect evidence for the story she believed from her childhood. Jackie was basically dating her dad. She was trying to get the love, attention and approval from her boyfriend that she never received from her dad.

Remember, whatever you are going through, no matter how challenging it is, remember it is happening for you, not to you. We can get stuck in the loop of pain if we are just looking at the current situation. Don’t think a relationship was a failure just because it ended. Some relationships have an expiration limit. Look for the lessons the relationship is there to teach you. Look for the reasons you brought the person into your life in the first place.

If your intention for the new year is to connect with a community of like-minded people and follow through with your meditation goals, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com with any questions you may have.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • If you are going through a breakup, are you willing to see the pain as a catalyst for growth?
  • Are there breakups from your past you got through, but never really got over?
  • Could old wounds be impacting the people you are attracting to a relationship?
  • Is there someone you know is bad for you to be in a relationship with, but you find yourself going back for more?


Jackie’s Question:

After a recent breakup, Jackie would like to know how she can move past a relationship that was bad for her.


Jackie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels people are deceptive and tricky.
  • She felt lucky her ex chose her.
  • She played small around her ex.
  • She feels like it’s unsafe to be her, and she wasn’t good enough.
  • She collected evidence to confirm her long-held beliefs.
  • She longed for attention from her dad.


How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself what she is learning, and why she drew this person to her.
  • She should release the judgment that being vulnerable makes her messy or weak.
  • She needs to confront the truth that she was the daughter of an alcoholic.
  • She should go back and communicate to little Jackie.
  • She should find a connection with the divine masculine.
  • Write out a reality check letter to herself.
  • She should attend My Signature Retreat in March 2017.





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Christine Hassler
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You can love and respect someone without placing them on a pedestal. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet As grown-ups, it is our job to re-parent ourselves, and give ourselves things we longed for… Click To Tweet Be mindful of who you make your God. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet


EP 57: Letting Go of Blame After a Breakup with Emma

EP57v1Today’s caller, Emma, is seeking guidance after a breakup. She would like to move forward with building her business but finds herself battling with self-doubt and procrastination. Emma is taking ownership of the issue and has a high-level of self-awareness about it, but she needs to uncover what is holding her back.

When we ask ourselves the question “what am I learning from this situation?” instead of “why did it happen to me?” we unlock something which is critical to our growth and healing. When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for the 50% which is our part. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

In future relationships, Emma has the opportunity to be more intimate. She was playing out the same patterns of withholding and people pleasing in her business, as she did in her marriage. Instead of being vulnerable she felt ashamed of sharing what was really going on in her life.

People crave intimacy. Especially those who love us, care about us or want to get to know us. They want to feel like they are getting the real person. It’s hard to love someone who is wearing a mask or people pleasing all the time because we never know how they really feel.

If you withhold of yourself through people pleasing, perfection or because you don’t trust people, it is time to examine that aspect of yourself. Emotional suppression holds energy back. Forgiveness can only begin after we bring acceptance and compassion to our feelings.

We are unique but in many ways we are similar. We also have core pains and patterns that hold us back and once we move and shift those, we can move the needle in other parts of our lives. I address core pains and patterns in my Over It and On With It Mastery Course.

My personal mastery coaching course, Over It and On With It, is now open for registration until October 20th. The 6-week course includes a 90-minute call every other week, worksheets, guided meditations and more. This course is the best of my spiritual practices and practical tips. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to register. Allow me to give you the support you need.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator?
  • Have you gone through a breakup and blame yourself or the other person?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
  • Is intimacy challenging for you?
  • Would you like to teach your children something you wish you had learned as a child?

Emma’s Question:

Emma would like strategies on how to move forward after her breakup.

Emma’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels as if she wasn’t enough in her relationship.
  • She is a people pleaser.
  • She doesn’t trust herself.
  • She suppresses her emotions.
  • She did the best she could with the tools she had at the time.
  • She punishes herself for going after what she wants.
  • She needs to get eliminate the belief she needs to be perfect to teach forgiveness.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to welcome the emotional aspect of her feelings.
  • She should do forgiveness work around her self-blame.
  • She should be compassionate towards herself to move into acceptance.
  • She can empower her children with the tools she didn’t have.
  • She needs to believe she deserves her dreams.
  • She should create a meditation course for others to help herself heal.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Write a letter to yourself or another person without sending it. It will help move the energy so it can be healed.
  • Take a look at your life and see where you are withholding, not being honest, or people pleasing, and channel the energy to create something fun.
  • Empower your children with the tools and knowledge you wish you would have had.


Christine Hassler
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EP 26: Why Break-Ups Are So Hard

ep 26 v1You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. These are powerful statements. What if you were told these things when you were young? Would you still be searching for your soulmate to complete you?

When we are born we are complete. We have a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. As we go through our human existence, we are influenced by others around us and we tend to believe what they tell us as truths. Since those people have been apart from source love for a longer time, they say things which may not be encouraging for us. We then experience the illusion of separation. We feel a longing for the love and acceptance of others to fill the void and heal our core wound.

If you have ever chased love, been deeply hurt by a breakup or felt addicted to another person, you are unconsciously longing to find your way back to source love. The hurt may be hard for your ego to accept but your soul needs internal love, not love from another person. It is time to reprogram yourself. It is time to move away from being a victim and time to release your anger instead of recycling it.

Today, Deborah thinks her issue is about her indecisive new love but we find out it is not really about him but about her and her story, which is ripe for being revised.

If anything in this episode resonates with you, get my book Expectation Hangover and come to one of my signature retreats.  Together we will help you to release the feelings which no longer serve you.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you really hooked into someone in an unhealthy relationship?
  • Are you still reeling from a break-up and you don’t know how you will move on?
  • Have you felt a sense of loneliness or not belonging? Is there a void you are attempting to fill?
  • Do you believe once you meet your soulmate everything will be wonderful and you will feel complete?

Deborah’s Question:

Deborah is having a difficult time understanding why her recent great “love” keeps distancing himself from her and why her heart feels lost.

Deborah’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She brought the relationship to herself to heal a core wound
  • She is stuck at the emotional level
  • Loss is a core wound in her life
  • She realizes she needs to release her old story
  • It’s not her fault

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should release her emotions, not just recycle them
  • Try an adult temper tantrum
  • Make use of release writing until her energy shifts
  • Understand that Little Deborah did the best she could with the tools she had at the time
  • Try mothering herself as a younger child
  • Be choosy about what and who you believe
  • See past relationships for what they are, which is learning opportunities

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
  • Use the emotional section of Expectation Hangover and do the meditations
  • Unfriend your ex on social media
  • Start your spiritual practice


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Christine Hassler
@christinhassler on twitter
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Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

We are never alone or abandoned. We just need to move closer to our source love through spiritual practice.
If you have some bottled up aggression you need to release, try an adult temper tantrum.
Are you willing to release the victim and move into acceptance?