Tag Archives: break-up

EP 69: Get Over the Pain From a Breakup and Get to the Lessons with Jackie

EP69v2Today’s episode is about breakups. I coach Jackie through what she calls an earth shattering, heartbreaking breakup, but the lessons that surface during the call can be applied to any type of Expectation Hangover.

After a breakup, our hearts hurt, we feel grief, and we miss the person we ended the relationship with. The way to get out of grief is not to obsess over your ex, beat yourself up, or go out looking for someone else. The way through the grief is to milk it for all it’s worth, and to see what it is bringing up for you to heal.

In Jackie’s case, her breakup is an opportunity to reframe old beliefs she had around betrayal. She continued to collect evidence for the story she believed from her childhood. Jackie was basically dating her dad. She was trying to get the love, attention and approval from her boyfriend that she never received from her dad.

Remember, whatever you are going through, no matter how challenging it is, remember it is happening for you, not to you. We can get stuck in the loop of pain if we are just looking at the current situation. Don’t think a relationship was a failure just because it ended. Some relationships have an expiration limit. Look for the lessons the relationship is there to teach you. Look for the reasons you brought the person into your life in the first place.

If your intention for the new year is to connect with a community of like-minded people and follow through with your meditation goals, joining my Inner Circle will assist you with both. The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my customized, guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com with any questions you may have.


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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • If you are going through a breakup, are you willing to see the pain as a catalyst for growth?
  • Are there breakups from your past you got through, but never really got over?
  • Could old wounds be impacting the people you are attracting to a relationship?
  • Is there someone you know is bad for you to be in a relationship with, but you find yourself going back for more?

 

Jackie’s Question:

After a recent breakup, Jackie would like to know how she can move past a relationship that was bad for her.

 

Jackie’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • She feels people are deceptive and tricky.
  • She felt lucky her ex chose her.
  • She played small around her ex.
  • She feels like it’s unsafe to be her, and she wasn’t good enough.
  • She collected evidence to confirm her long-held beliefs.
  • She longed for attention from her dad.

 

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should ask herself what she is learning, and why she drew this person to her.
  • She should release the judgment that being vulnerable makes her messy or weak.
  • She needs to confront the truth that she was the daughter of an alcoholic.
  • She should go back and communicate to little Jackie.
  • She should find a connection with the divine masculine.
  • Write out a reality check letter to herself.
  • She should attend My Signature Retreat in March 2017.

 

Assignments:

 

Sponsor:

Freshbooks: Get a Free 30-Day Unrestricted Trial to Online Accounting Software. Enter “Over It and On With It” in the ‘How did you hear about us?’ section.

 

Resources:
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Assist@ChristineHassler.com – Send your questions to be answered on Coaches Corner.
Christine’s Books

 

Tweetables:
You can love and respect someone without placing them on a pedestal. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
As grown-ups, it is our job to re-parent ourselves, and give ourselves things we longed for… Click To Tweet
Be mindful of who you make your God. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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EP 57: Letting Go of Blame After a Breakup with Emma

EP57v1Today’s caller, Emma, is seeking guidance after a breakup. She would like to move forward with building her business but finds herself battling with self-doubt and procrastination. Emma is taking ownership of the issue and has a high-level of self-awareness about it, but she needs to uncover what is holding her back.

When we ask ourselves the question “what am I learning from this situation?” instead of “why did it happen to me?” we unlock something which is critical to our growth and healing. When a relationship ends, we are never 100% victims. We need to take 100% responsibility for the 50% which is our part. That said, we must do so without self-judgment or blame. We must accept we did the best we could with what we had at the time, and we now have an opportunity to do better moving forward.

In future relationships, Emma has the opportunity to be more intimate. She was playing out the same patterns of withholding and people pleasing in her business, as she did in her marriage. Instead of being vulnerable she felt ashamed of sharing what was really going on in her life.

People crave intimacy. Especially those who love us, care about us or want to get to know us. They want to feel like they are getting the real person. It’s hard to love someone who is wearing a mask or people pleasing all the time because we never know how they really feel.

If you withhold of yourself through people pleasing, perfection or because you don’t trust people, it is time to examine that aspect of yourself. Emotional suppression holds energy back. Forgiveness can only begin after we bring acceptance and compassion to our feelings.

We are unique but in many ways we are similar. We also have core pains and patterns that hold us back and once we move and shift those, we can move the needle in other parts of our lives. I address core pains and patterns in my Over It and On With It Mastery Course.

My personal mastery coaching course, Over It and On With It, is now open for registration until October 20th. The 6-week course includes a 90-minute call every other week, worksheets, guided meditations and more. This course is the best of my spiritual practices and practical tips. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to register. Allow me to give you the support you need.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you a procrastinator?
  • Have you gone through a breakup and blame yourself or the other person?
  • Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
  • Is intimacy challenging for you?
  • Would you like to teach your children something you wish you had learned as a child?

Emma’s Question:

Emma would like strategies on how to move forward after her breakup.

Emma’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She feels as if she wasn’t enough in her relationship.
  • She is a people pleaser.
  • She doesn’t trust herself.
  • She suppresses her emotions.
  • She did the best she could with the tools she had at the time.
  • She punishes herself for going after what she wants.
  • She needs to get eliminate the belief she needs to be perfect to teach forgiveness.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She needs to welcome the emotional aspect of her feelings.
  • She should do forgiveness work around her self-blame.
  • She should be compassionate towards herself to move into acceptance.
  • She can empower her children with the tools she didn’t have.
  • She needs to believe she deserves her dreams.
  • She should create a meditation course for others to help herself heal.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Write a letter to yourself or another person without sending it. It will help move the energy so it can be healed.
  • Take a look at your life and see where you are withholding, not being honest, or people pleasing, and channel the energy to create something fun.
  • Empower your children with the tools and knowledge you wish you would have had.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
How to Make Change Happen and stick! FREE Webinar Valid until 10-20-2016
Over It and On With It Personal Mastery Coaching Course
Expectation Hangover
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
@chrishassler on Snapchat
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:

You can empower your children the tools you didn’t have. Work through Expectation Hangover with them.… Click To Tweet
Guilt takes up a lot of energetic real estate. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
The original definition of passion is suffering. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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EP 26: Why Break-Ups Are So Hard

ep 26 v1You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not your fault. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. These are powerful statements. What if you were told these things when you were young? Would you still be searching for your soulmate to complete you?

When we are born we are complete. We have a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. As we go through our human existence, we are influenced by others around us and we tend to believe what they tell us as truths. Since those people have been apart from source love for a longer time, they say things which may not be encouraging for us. We then experience the illusion of separation. We feel a longing for the love and acceptance of others to fill the void and heal our core wound.

If you have ever chased love, been deeply hurt by a breakup or felt addicted to another person, you are unconsciously longing to find your way back to source love. The hurt may be hard for your ego to accept but your soul needs internal love, not love from another person. It is time to reprogram yourself. It is time to move away from being a victim and time to release your anger instead of recycling it.

Today, Deborah thinks her issue is about her indecisive new love but we find out it is not really about him but about her and her story, which is ripe for being revised.

If anything in this episode resonates with you, get my book Expectation Hangover and come to one of my signature retreats.  Together we will help you to release the feelings which no longer serve you.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you really hooked into someone in an unhealthy relationship?
  • Are you still reeling from a break-up and you don’t know how you will move on?
  • Have you felt a sense of loneliness or not belonging? Is there a void you are attempting to fill?
  • Do you believe once you meet your soulmate everything will be wonderful and you will feel complete?

Deborah’s Question:

Deborah is having a difficult time understanding why her recent great “love” keeps distancing himself from her and why her heart feels lost.

Deborah’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She brought the relationship to herself to heal a core wound
  • She is stuck at the emotional level
  • Loss is a core wound in her life
  • She realizes she needs to release her old story
  • It’s not her fault

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should release her emotions, not just recycle them
  • Try an adult temper tantrum
  • Make use of release writing until her energy shifts
  • Understand that Little Deborah did the best she could with the tools she had at the time
  • Try mothering herself as a younger child
  • Be choosy about what and who you believe
  • See past relationships for what they are, which is learning opportunities

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
  • Use the emotional section of Expectation Hangover and do the meditations
  • Unfriend your ex on social media
  • Start your spiritual practice

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness – Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
christine@christinehassler.com
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

Tweetables:
We are never alone or abandoned. We just need to move closer to our source love through spiritual practice.
If you have some bottled up aggression you need to release, try an adult temper tantrum.
Are you willing to release the victim and move into acceptance?

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Coaches Corner: How To Get Over The One You Thought Was ‘The One’

300x300-ChristineHassler-PodcastCoverThe feeling of being in love is the best. Not to mention the blissful feeling of certainty when we feel like you’ve met “the one” (finally!). You start fantasizing about the future and are convinced that the other person is on the same page you are.

And then it ends.

And you are not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don’t understand what went wrong. I know that is not comforting if you are in the pain of a break-up, but understanding why the one you thought was going to be forever ended may offer you some relief. This Coaches Corner will help!


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