Tag Archives: confidence

How to feel more confident

“How do I feel more confident?”

This is one of the most common questions I get as a coach. Self-doubt and criticism seem to be as common as breathing.  We know it’s painful to doubt and criticize ourselves but we still seem to do it.

So how do we change it? How do we feel more confident?  These are the questions I answer in this week’s podcast.

Developing confidence requires a combo of inner and outer shifts. On the inner level confidence comes from radical self-acceptance.  That means letting go of perfectionism and caring about what other people think of you.  It means not making your acceptance conditional upon achieving a certain goal, losing a certain amount of weight or having the approval or acceptance from someone else.  It means really getting that NO ONE is perfect. I repeat NO ONE!

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EP 66: How to Feel More Confident and Take Action with Teisha

EP66v1Confidence is not something you can develop just by sitting in your house, thinking about all the things you will do when you feel more confident. Confidence is developed by going out and doing those things. Just like we gain courage by feeling fear, and then taking action anyway. We begin to feel more confident, when we actually do things we feel insecure about.

In today’s coaching session with Teisha, she would like to know how she can gain more confidence, and how she can truly believe she is a prize. We also discover why confidence has been a struggle for her up until now. She wasn’t ready to learn the lesson of confidence. Having an understanding of our past is so important to move us forward.

During our session, Teisha acknowledged she is safe. That was her key elementary lesson. After recognizing it, her entire energy shifted. She was able to release the judgment of not feeling more confident. It’s hard to develop a new quality, when we are judging ourselves so harshly about not being good at it.

Coaches, managers, parents, and teachers take note — I got super specific with Teisha about the action steps she was committing to. When walking someone through behavior changes, you want to help them with clear, measurable steps they feel truly committed to.

Is avoiding short-term pain preventing you from long-term happiness and fulfillment? What feels worse — experiencing failure and/or rejection, or never stepping into your full potential? Failure is not bad. Failure is necessary if you want to learn, grow, change, and get the things you want from life. So is perceived rejection; if you spend your life avoiding nos, you will never get yeses.

Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my #lifehacks and to join my Inner Circle? The Inner Circle is a membership community where you get access to one-on-one coaching calls, my guided meditations and visualizations, and lifestyle practices.

Also, I will be in Australia for a Business Training/Mastermind on personal and professional development. This training is perfect for you if you are a health coach, a life coach or entrepreneur.  You could benefit from a session if you are dealing with fear, are getting in your own way, or are ready to take your business to the next level. Send an email to Jill@Christinehassler.com ASAP, for more information.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Would you like to have more confidence? Do you spend more time thinking about the things you would like to do, than actually doing them?
  • Are you terrified of rejection and failure?
  • Did you grow up not feeling safe, loved, or seen?
  • How are you at keeping your word with yourself? When you commit to something, do you actually do it?

Teisha’s Question:

Teisha is constantly doubting herself, and would like to know how she can get more self-confidence.

Teisha’s Key Insights and Ahas:

  • Her self-doubt serves her by protecting her from the pain of failure.
  • She has a lot of ‘what if’ questions.
  • She didn’t feel safe growing up, but has kept herself safe as an adult.
  • She will take action and go to a meetup group event, apply for employment outside of her comfort zone, and join a yoga class.
  • She wants to be part of a movement to change perceptions about women and work.
  • She knows she is a prize and a great person with a good heart.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

  • She should be curious about the people she encounters.
  • She should be honest and vulnerable when she meets new people.
  • She should give herself compliments and really mean them.
  • She should ask herself if it serves her to believe the lies she told herself.
  • She should give herself the spiritual and physical gift of yoga.

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Is there something you need to feel or experience, before stepping into confidence? Can you accept you are ready to move to the next lesson? Can you see you’ve done what you needed to do, and are ready for the next step?
  • Write down a list of all the unique qualities and gifts that make you, you.
  • Get out of your comfort zone. Do things you may not be good at, or that may be embarrassing.
  • Commit to taking action steps to create the feeling and experience of confidence. Make the steps measurable, specific, and give yourself a timeline.
  • Consider joining my Inner Circle, where developing confidence will be an upcoming project.

Sponsor:
Audible – Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial. I’m reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Why not make this book your first download?

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com

Tweetables:
Being self-conscious and judging yourself creates separation. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet
Men will apply for a job if they feel 60% qualified, while women need to feel 100% qualified… Click To Tweet
If you spend your life avoiding nos you will never get yeses. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet

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EP 41: Be More Confident and Less Critical of Yourself

EP41v1Insecurity can be painful and it blinds us from seeing who we truly are. We are not born insecure, we become that way. It’s a feeling we have based on the beliefs we accumulate when people are critical of us or we feel judged in some way. The problem is, we live in a world where most people are pretty hard on themselves and it leaks into people being hard on other people. People who have snapped at you or criticized you aren’t bad people, they are probably just very critical of themselves.

The bottom line is when we are able to clean out our insides we act differently on the outside. Confidence doesn’t necessarily come from doing things, it’s more about coming into self-acceptance by dropping our internal critical voice and truly liking ourselves just as we are right now. You don’t have to be perfect before you can accept yourself and you cannot make your self-love conditional. You are the one person you need unconditional love from.

Today’s caller Lily is taking a huge step toward building her confidence. Her father has been critical of her and his critical voice became her internal critical voice. She paired his criticism up with his love and now she thinks the way to get love is to criticize herself.

Often, the things we think are protecting us are the things that cause us the most suffering. So much about building confidence is about what you stop doing rather than what you start doing. Take a learning-oriented approach to life. Look at what you are attracting without self-blame or thinking you did something wrong. Things are not your fault. They are there to help you stop the voice of judgment and your internal critic.

Coach’s Tip – Getting over self-criticism is liberating. It is a very important part of being a coach, a light worker or just a loving human being. When we are confident about who we are and we are showing up with our hearts open in full authenticity and when the voice of the inner critic is silenced by our unconditional love, our hearts become open to others and we show up as a more confident and more loving person.

The more you accept yourself from where you are right now, the more you can approach growth and change and evolution from a place of love rather than from a place of judgment.  Remember, whatever we can do for another we can do for ourselves.

I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. I also invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 3 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs.

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google

Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Is your confidence level affected by the level of criticism you apply to yourself?
  • Are you looking for something outside of yourself to make you feel confident rather than cleaning up your internal self-talk?
  • Do you desire to be more confident?
  • How often do you doubt yourself? Would you like to be free of the doubt?
  • Are you someone who answers “fine” (aka feelings inside not expressed) when asked how you are?
  • Was there or is there someone in your life who is critical of you?

Lily’s Question:

Lily is having a hard time believing in herself and finding her own value.

Lily’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She hides how she is truly feeling with “fine”
  • She feels shut down when she opens up and shows her vulnerability
  • She may be uncomfortable with her own vulnerability
  • Being criticized by her father may be affecting her confidence
  • She must seek change from the inside, from herself

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should shift from victim to student
  • She can try to re-parent herself with the voice of an unconditionally loving parent
  • Forgive her father
  • She should speak to herself with love and compassion
  • She can use the voice memo app to record her expressing positive self-talk

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Is there a critical voice in your head? Whose voice is it and is it time to give it back? Write a letter to the voice and thank it for the lessons and then, respectfully, decline to listen to it any longer.
  • Is there someone out there you felt hurt by or triggered by? It is a projection and what can you learn from it?
  • What are you really good at giving others that you are not giving yourself?
  • Listen to the Coaches Corner Mastering Your Mean Girl or Bad Boy

Sponsor:

Onnit Wellness – Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Christine Hassler Free E-book
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler on Twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
Christine@christinehassler.com
Jill@christinehassler.com
Mastering Your Mean Girl or Bad Boy Episode with Melissa Ambrosini

Tweetables:

You are worthy, lovable and deserving of all your dreams. Your truth is love. Accept yourself fully for who you are.… Click To Tweet
Be mindful of who you are vulnerable with and don’t take the responses of others personally. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR… Click To Tweet
Building confidence is often more about what you need to stop doing rather than what you need to start doing.… Click To Tweet

 
p.s. Would you like a behind the scenes look into all of my lifehacks? The
doors to my Inner Circle are open and you can receive regular coaching from
me, learn incredible new personal growth tools and lifestyle tips, receive
a custom meditation each month, and be a part of an awesome community of
like-minded people! Go here to learn more.