Tag Archives: control

Why is it taking so long?

Do you ever feel like your dreams are taking a really long time to come true? The career you want has not happened despite your efforts. The relationship you desire has not manifested even though you have feng shuied your house and have done Calling in “The One”.  The debt you have been chipping away at still may take years to be gone. The health condition you have been healing still lingers.

And often it is not just our dreams or goals that seem to take their sweet time. It is also those pesky patterns and limiting beliefs that we invest lots of time and money in shifting that seem to keep showing up. You are frustrated that your inner critic still has a major role in your life or that your insecurities still block you from taking risks. 

You are taking action. You are setting intentions. You are doing the work. So why the heck is it taking so long????

Good question. And there are multiple answers.

First I want you to know that you are not alone. When we feel a longing for a goal or a change, the time it takes to actually happen is impossible to predict or 100% control. Of course this is incredibly frustrating especially when we feel like we are doing all the right things. 

Here are five keys to keep in mind that I hope will ease your frustration a bit:

    1. We do not have 100% control over our life.  We do have control over our choices and how we respond to situations in our life but there is no way we can say we have 100% control because we live in an interdependent world.  If you have not noticed, you are not the Master of the Universe. No matter how intentional we are with our goals, there are lots of other variables like other people, your soul’s curriculum (more on that in #3), and a bunch of other stuff that we mortals cannot begin to understand.
    2. Which brings me to Divine Timing. As much effort as we put into things, there is still a Universal Order that is the master timeline. As ready as you feel for something, trust there is a really good reason as to why it has not happened yet. You may not know that reason now, but trust me, someday you’ll look back and understand.
    3. You have free will and you have a soul curriculum here on Earth. You have come here to evolve, to grow in consciousness and your Higher Self cares more about your growth than any external goal, dream or change you want to make. Some of the things your mind wants now may not be appropriate as it could interfere with the growth you need. So instead of asking, “why is this taking so long?” Ask, “What am I learning from this time in my life?”
    4. The above said, sometimes things are taking a long time because you are actually not taking the action that is required to speed them up. Your own fears, excuses, and doubts may be causing a delay. Assess where you are holding back or playing small. Be honest with yourself as to whether you are playing victim. When it comes to shifting patterns and limiting beliefs, do not just process your issues or compulsively do personal growth work. Instead take contrary action, as this is the best way to break patterns and rewire your brain. For example, if you are working to shift the pattern of people pleasing, start saying no and speaking up for yourself.
    5. You are doing the best you can. Really you are. Of course you can do even better but it is SUPER important to acknowledge how far you have come. If you are only looking at what has not happened, you are missing out on celebrating how much progress you have made. The more you pay attention to how far you have come, the easier it will be to get where you are going. (Tweet This!!)

It may take another day. It may take another week. It may take another month. And it may take another year (or years). Trust that whatever your “it” is, is coming. You would not feel the longing if it was not.

In the meantime, enjoy the moment. Spend more time in gratitude for what is here right now. Your life and you are a work in progress. There is no “there” so just be right here. 

Take a nice deep breath. Everything is on time.

For some extra coaching on this topic, be sure to tune into episode 129 of the podcast where I coach Carrie on her career transition. Go here to listen.

With love,


p.s. Today is the day that B-School enrollment closes. If you want to speed up the time it takes for your career and impact to really take off, B-School is the way to do it. And if you enroll through my link, you get some incredible support from me including coaching calls and a live masterminding day with me in California. Go here for more details.

And if you have any questions about whether the program is right for you, email jill@christinehassler.com and she will get back to you with a very detailed answer.

Coaches Corner: How to Stop Feeling Like Shit with Andrea Owen

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Life coach. Author. Hellraiser. Andrea Owen is passionate about empowering women to value themselves and fiercely love who they are.

She helps high-achieving women let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation and choosing courage and confidence instead.

We talk about the dangers of numbing out, why playing the blame game is only a way to off load pain, and how to have healthier relationships.

You can learn more at www.yourkickasslife.com and get her new book “How to Stop Feeling Like Shit” at www.yourkickasslife.com/htsfls

Subscribe in iTunes | Stitcher | SoundCloud | Android | Google


EP 45: Stop Living a Checklist Life with Frankie 

EP45v1Today’s caller, Frankie is in the midst of her quarter-life crisis. Her life is not going according to her checklist and she is dealing with some Expectation Hangovers. She has defined herself by external things and she’s a bit addicted to control and validation.

Control is something we all struggle with. We think we have 100% control over life, but we don’t.  We do have choices and dominion but we don’t have total control. Our egos like to have certainty and to have a plan, which is rooted in fear. It is scary not to know what is coming next. If we try to control every aspect of our lives, we often miss out on all the beautiful opportunities the universe has for us.

Sometimes the opportunities come in the form of challenges, which are not to punish or test us but to help us grow. During these times it is important that we do not go into victim mode. It is also important that when we go through uncertainty we don’t try to immediately fill up that space with something new.

Sometimes we just have to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty to see what it is there for to teach us. If we don’t deal with our Expectation Hangovers they will keep repeating and the same types of disappointments will keep coming up.

It’s OK if you don’t have it all figured out. A quarter-life crisis is normal. It is the time when many of us step into our personal life journey. Challenges are what build our grit and character.

I invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 3 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

  • Are you having a quarter-life crisis or an Expectation Hangover? Are things not going according to plan?
  • Do you relate to living off a checklist? If things don’t get checked off are you hard on yourself?
  • Is external achievement and validation important to you?
  • Are there things you say you are surrendered about but you’re not? Are you still trying to make things happen or have you just resigned?

Frankie’s Question:

Frankie would like to know how to move into a place of acceptance about where she is in her life.

Frankie’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She has a should list and a checklist in her head
  • She has a deep strength within her
  • Her identity comes from what she can achieve
  • She is hard on herself more than she is compassionate
  • Love for her is connected to validation and praise

How to get over it and on with it:

  • She should consider who she would be at 49 if her life had no struggles
  • She can pray without asking for something
  • Her self-talk needs to move towards love and acceptance
  • She can delve deeper in her spiritual practice
  • She should update her story about who she is supposed to be

Assignments and Takeaways:

  • Listen to my story in my very first Over It and On With It
  • Process your emotions through release writing and the temper tantrum technique in Expectation Hangover.
  • Do not pray for things but pray to be shown the way.
  • Be nice to yourself.
  • Ditch your checklist.


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Christine Hassler
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Expectation Hangover
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When we don’t deal with our inside stuff it can leak out onto others. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet You need to matter to yourself as much as other people matter to you. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet Life challenges are what help to build our character and give us grit. http://apple.co/1hO8XZR #overitandonwithit Click To Tweet


How to deal with curveballs

If you haven’t noticed, we do not have 100% control over everything that happens in life. In many ways, this is awesome! Think about all the unexpected surprises or turning points that you did not see coming that have grown you or led to something even better than you planned.

Yet in other ways, not having 100% control can feel not-so-awesome . . . especially when life throws us a curveball resulting in an expectation hangover.

What is awesome is that we do have control over how we respond to not-so-awesome situations. In this week’s vlog I share a recent story about a curveball involving a stolen laptop and the beautiful lessons that were learned.

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