If you have ever dealt with the pain of rejection, this episode will help! Perhaps you’ve heard, “Rejection is God’s Protection” but the process of rejection feels pretty awful until we learn what it is really about. Our caller today, Alex, has courageously opened up to another person and shared her truth with them. But the other person did not reciprocate her feelings. She asks me how she can get over her heartbreak and rejection and get on with her life.
If you have ever felt the pain of rejection or find yourself in an avoidance trap, listen to the tips I give Alex at the end of our call. You can also find resources in my book, Expectation Hangover, to help heal yourself.
We also talk about speaking our truth – which takes takes courage. We ponder on how our message will be received; but if we believe in our truth, there is value in getting it out into the world.
When our truth needs to be told to another person and they don’t realize the outcome we are hoping for we often take it personally. We perceive their response as if something is wrong with us or we did something wrong.
Our fear of the possible rejection is an avoidance trap. An avoidance trap is spending our time and energy avoiding what we don’t want rather than working towards what we do want.
By understanding that we consistently attract experiences to help us heal our core wounds, we realize rejection doesn’t really exist. It is merely a projection of unowned, unseen qualities inside us.
What are you construing perceived rejection to mean about you?
What was so attractive about the person or situation you feel didn’t choose you?
Is there someone you have feelings for but are too scared to tell them?
Has something upset you but you don’t have the guts to speak your truth?
Alex wants to know how to best handle the heartbreak and rejection she is feeling after telling someone she loves them and finding out the feelings are not mutual.
Alex’s Key Insights and Aha’s:
- She struggles with feeling as though she didn’t fit in while growing up
- She feels she gave away her power
- She is learning to read people
- She realizes she is stronger than she thought she was
- She doesn’t need to look outside herself for her worthiness
How to get over it and on with it:
- Don’t look to others to find your own worth
- Trust your desires and have faith
- Be kind to yourself during this time
Tools and Takeaways:
- Let go of anger and resentment – Empty out your “negative” emotions in a letter and then rip it up
- Write a goodbye letter you don’t intend to mail that includes:
- ○ I’m saying goodbye because …
- ○ I learned from you …
- ○ I thank you for …
- ○ I forgive myself for …
- ○ I forgive myself for …
- Say what you need to say – Speak to the person even if they are not there
- Set boundaries with yourself and move on
- Engage in activities that encourage self-acceptance
- Do a positive projection exercise
“Are you exerting more effort to avoid things you don’t want rather than towards things you do want?”
“Are you having trouble getting over heartbreak and wondering what you did to cause it?”
“Do you find it difficult to express how you feel to another person?”