Tag Archives: rejection

Oh no, this again?

Do you ever feel as if you have really healed an issue or gotten to the other side of a difficult situation and then WHAM something happens and all of a sudden you feel like you are back at the beginning?

Are we ever done? Do things get easier? Is it possible to truly be free of something that has plagued us for decades?

No, yes and yes.

No we are never done. Life is a continual process of learning and growing. But, yes, things do get easier and, yes, we can truly be free of things that have haunted us for a lifetime. Some things just take longer than others and we need multiple lessons.

Also, a lot of issues have many layers to them and our psyche can only deal with so much a time. The way I have seen healing work is that we have times of tremendous breakthroughs that carry us for a while and then, when we are ready for the next layer to be revealed and healed, a triggering event will occur to move us to the next level in our growth.

I recently had an experience where a very old and familiar button got pushed and it is one of my biggest buttons: rejection. It was unexpected but hauntingly familiar.

This time instead of getting sad, I got mad. I was so over that button being pushed in the way it was pushed that I went into that “No, not this again” kind of feeling. At first I tried to resist it but as we all know, that is not effective. I had to put my life coach hat on and remind myself that there must be another level of healing for me to get to with this particular issue. When an old, familiar button gets pushed it just means the button is still there.

What I realized is that once again I was taking the rejection personally instead of seeing that it was happening for me and could have been the result of the other person’s fear or limiting beliefs. In other words, maybe it had nothing to do with me.  Now I can get that mentally but embracing that concept has been challenging for me. So I channeled my anger into being mad at the fact that I have given my power away so many times when I took rejection personally. Let me emphasize, I did not direct anger at myself (never direct anger at yourself). Rather, I expressed how angry I was about allowing others to ever make me question my own worthiness.

The next level for me was reaching an even deeper level of empowerment and trust that whatever is not for my Highest Good will not happen. This level also required letting go of attachment. (I wrote about that last week so if you missed that blog, read it here)

So if you can relate to the feeling, “Oh no not this again” I assure you that you are on the precipice of your next upleveling!!  Do not buy into the misunderstanding that you are backtracking because you are not. There is another layer to explore that you are ready for . . . now all you need to do is be willing to explore it. Stop resisting. Stop judging. Stop being frustrated that you are working on the same issue because it is not exactly the same, it is occurring in a new way so you can learn something new.

Our biggest, most recurring issues and triggers are also our biggest growth opportunities, so embrace them! (Tweet This!!!) Welcome the familiar trigger because it means deep down you really want to relate to it differently and the only way we can relate to things differently is through practical application. In other words, to truly be free of our deepest pain, we draw in situations that trigger it until we learn how to relate to the trigger in a way that does not cause us pain.

Now is the time to flood yourself with so much compassion. Be a student rather than a victim of your life. Trust you are moving forward and be grateful for every triggering experience that is catalyzing your growth!

Questions? Comments? I am here to help! Please post below.

Much love,

Christine

P.S. Do you feel really stuck in your head and really want to listen to your heart and intuition but cannot seem to hear it? Then don’t miss episode 136 of my podcast where I coach Emma on moving from rational thinking to feeling and compassion.  Learn how to stop “figuring it out” and start feeling into what is most aligned for you.  Go here to listen. 

P.P.S. If you have been wanting to be coached on the podcast, I have exciting news!!! Coming up, on May 24th, you are invited to apply to receive free coaching and be a guest for our in-studio shoot hosted in San Diego, CA.
Please email jill@christinehassler.com and let her know you are interested in applying to be a guest!

P.P.P.S. Have you been wanting to take your coaching business to the next level? Them make sure to register for my Masterclass Training for Coaches, June 30th and July 1st in San Diego, CA. You will learn to..

  • Turn your passion into a career: spring into revenue building action with practical and personal guidance.
  • Make money as a coach: specific money-making techniques take your coaching aspirations from pipe-dream to profit.
  • Become a better salesperson: gain confidence and get better at enrolling clients; learn how to turn top objections into coachable moments.
  • Excel as a confident, effective coach: get your clients results, become more comfortable in your abilities and knowledge, and release fear and self-doubt.
  • And SO much more – Go here for more details and to register.

EP 12: How to Deal With Rejection

Episode____12If you have ever dealt with the pain of rejection, this episode will help!  Perhaps you’ve heard, “Rejection is God’s Protection” but the process of rejection feels pretty awful until we learn what it is really about. Our caller today, Alex, has courageously opened up to another person and shared her truth with them. But the other person did not reciprocate her feelings. She asks me how she can get over her heartbreak and rejection and get on with her life.

If you have ever felt the pain of rejection or find yourself in an avoidance trap, listen to the tips I give Alex at the end of our call. You can also find resources in my book, Expectation Hangover, to help heal yourself.

We also talk about speaking our truth – which takes takes courage. We ponder on how our message will be received; but if we believe in our truth, there is value in getting it out into the world.

When our truth needs to be told to another person and they don’t realize the outcome we are hoping for we often take it personally. We perceive their response as if something is wrong with us or we did something wrong.

Our fear of the possible rejection is an avoidance trap. An avoidance trap is spending our time and energy avoiding what we don’t want rather than working towards what we do want.

By understanding that we consistently attract experiences to help us heal our core wounds, we realize rejection doesn’t really exist. It is merely a projection of unowned, unseen qualities inside us.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

What are you construing perceived rejection to mean about you?

What was so attractive about the person or situation you feel didn’t choose you?

Is there someone you have feelings for but are too scared to tell them?

Has something upset you but you don’t have the guts to speak your truth?

Alex’s Question:

Alex wants to know how to best handle the heartbreak and rejection she is feeling after telling someone she loves them and finding out the feelings are not mutual.

Alex’s Key Insights and Aha’s:

  • She struggles with feeling as though she didn’t fit in while growing up
  • She feels she gave away her power
  • She is learning to read people
  • She realizes she is stronger than she thought she was
  • She doesn’t need to look outside herself for her worthiness

How to get over it and on with it:

  • Don’t look to others to find your own worth
  • Trust your desires and have faith
  • Be kind to yourself during this time

Tools and Takeaways:

  • Let go of anger and resentment – Empty out your “negative” emotions in a letter and then rip it up
  • Write a goodbye letter you don’t intend to mail that includes:
  1. ○  I’m saying goodbye because …
  2. ○  I learned from you …
  3. ○  I thank you for …
  4. ○  I forgive myself for …
  5. ○  I forgive myself for …
  • Say what you need to say – Speak to the person even if they are not there
  • Set boundaries with yourself and move on
  • Engage in activities that encourage self-acceptance
  • Do a positive projection exercise

Resources:

Christine Hassler
Expectation Hangover
@christinhassler

Tweetables:

Are you exerting more effort to avoid things you don’t want rather than towards things you do want?
Are you having trouble getting over heartbreak and wondering what you did to cause it?
Do you find it difficult to express how you feel to another person?
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